What do they call a Double Quarter Pounder with cheese, large fries, and a Diet Coke in France?

"The American Weight Loss Plan."

The double quarter pounder with cheese from McDonald’s holds a special place in my heart.

Mainly in the Coronary artery.

You can tell what clan a Scotsman is from by reaching up under his kilt.

If he's got a quarter-pounder, he's a McDonald.

What do you call a 25 cent hooker?

A quarter pounder.

A hen lays a shockingly huge egg.

News reporters visit the hen for an interview. “This is amazing,” they tell the hen, “a two pound egg, that’s unheard of!

Do you have any goals for the future?”

“Yes, I’m really aiming for a four pounder!” says the hen proudly.

“And you, sir, congratulations,” the reporters app...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Father Conor is walking by the Shannon when he sees one of his congregation fishing...

He stops for a chat, and mentions that he's never fished before. 'It's a doddle,' says the angler. 'Take a rod and give it a go.'

'Well, I suppose the blessed Saint Peter himself was a fisherman. Perhaps I'll try my hand,' says the priest.

Father Conor sits down and casts his line. Aft...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pirate pick-up lines

“I must be huntin’ treasure, ’cause I’m diggin’ yer chest.”

“Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber.”

“See this hook? Variable speed with five alternate attachments, Baby.”

“Nice poop deck on ya, lassie. Care fer a swabbin’?”

“Avast, me pretty! Strike your panties and p...

So I won a grand prize at a local trivia game.

They went up to me and said, “Congrats! You’ve won
a 1 British dollar Sandwich that compresses 1/4 gallons worth of 25c coins!”

And I said, “So a 1 pound quart quarter pounder quarter pounder?”

There was a scotsman called Reginald Mcdonald

He was called that because if you reached up his kilt, he had 2 quater pounders. With cheese.

What do you call an Ethiopian child with a piece of cheddar?

A quarter-pounder with cheese

There's an easy way to distinguish different clans of Scotsmen just by lifting their kilts...

...if they're packing a quarter pounder under there, they're a McDonald.

My nan has been diagnosed with a hereditary brain disorder.

The main symptoms are forgetting what you were talking about, repeating yourself, repeating yourself, and a quarter pounder with cheese.

What do you call 25 Mike Pence clones in a room with Donald Trump?

... Quarter pounder with cheese.

(Think British currency here)

Did you hear Burger King is promoting a black Whopper?

McDonalds responded by introducing a 3/5ths pounder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's Ronald McDonald's favorite sex position?

The Cooter Pounder.

Sorry I’m English btw

I went into the shop the other day. Saw a ready made burger. When I went to the till the lady said “that’s £2 please”
I replied ”surely it’s 25p”
She looked at me, confused.
Dunno why, it’s a quarter pounder after all!

What do you say to an art student with a job?

"Uhh, I would like the Quarter Pounder with Cheese"

A man walks into a library ...

Man, to librarian: **"I'd like a quarter pounder with cheese, and a large coke."**

Librarian (whispering): "Sir, you are at the library."

Man (now whispering): "Oh, I'm sorry. I'd like a quarter pounder with cheese, and a large coke."

No Weigh

A city slicker went to the countryside to buy a pig. When he approached the pig farmer, he asked for a 20-pounder. The farmer picked out a pig, put its tail in his mouth, and bobbed his head up and down. He then told the city slicker that the pig was too heavy…it was 30 pounds.

The city slic...

A blonde walks into a library..

she goes up to the librarians desk and says, "I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please." The librarian looks at her in disbelief. "Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds." The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading bo...

Ethiopian jokes I've heard from over the years.

What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection?

A quarter pounder with cheese

What do you call an Ethiopian with buck teeth?

A rake

What do you call 10 Ethiopians carrying a canoe over their heads?

A comb

What do you call an Ethiopian with a club foot?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

British toilet humour.

"Go and have a look at the size of the shit I've just done in the bathroom!" I said to my wife.

"No thanks," she replied.

"Please, just one quick look," I said, "You won't believe it, it's a good two pounder."

Shaking her head in disbelief, she pinched her nose, ran in, looked d...

How do you tell 2 Scotsmen apart?

You lift their kilts, and whichever one of them has a Quarter Pounder is a McDonald!

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