Mein Jokes - 51 Hilarious Mein Jokes

A doctor is eating a late lunch at his favorite Chinese restaurant when he hears the dreaded words:

"Is there a doctor in the building?!"

He strides to the back where he sees the manager and a patron who looks pale and shaky.

"We've just had two people come down with some kind of sickness," the manager says, "the lady here, and another gentleman in the bathroom."

"How do you ...

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What is Hitler's favorite Videogame ?

***Mein Kraft***

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What's Adolf Hitler's favourite computer game?

Mein Kraft.

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How did Hitler write Mein Kampf while in prison?

It was a struggle

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It's a well-known fact that Hitler...

It's a well-known fact that Hitler often consulted astrologists and people involved in the occult to get direction while Germany fought in World War II.

One day he decided to thank his chief astrologer and called him into his office to say, "we've done really well in the war and I'm grateful...

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Hitler Goes To Heaven

Hitler gets to the gates of heaven after being murdered by Hitler, and Jesus comes to the gate.

"*I can't let you in - you're Hitler*"

"*Ach mein freund, if you let me in I will give you the Iron Cross!*". Jesus thinks for a minute and picks up the gatehouse phone to call God's office....

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Can we stop making Hitler jokes?

It really takes me out of mein kampfort zone.

Why do strip malls love renting space to Chinese restaurants?

Because they’re lo mein tenants.

Last year there was a mix up at my local Chinese restaurant. The chef used Daffodil bulbs instead of onions in the chow mein and four people were hospitalised over the Christmas period.

Luckily they came out beautifully in the spring.

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Hitler used an astrologist to give him guidance in battle...

One day he told the man, "you've served me well. We are winning battles and the war and I'm very pleased with your work. Your ability to predict the future is amazing. But there's one thing I wondered about and wanted to ask you."

How can I serve you mein Fuhrer?

"Do you know what day ...

A couple of gentlemen were sitting by the pool at a nudist colony. One of them was reading "Mein Kampf". "Have you read Marx too?", asks one.

"Yes", replies the other, "but I think it's the wicker chairs.".

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Hitler went to see a clairvoyant

In the mid-stages of the Second World War, Adolph Hitler felt that his plans were getting bogged down, so he went to see a clairvoyant.

"When will I rule the entire world?", he asked.

The clairvoyant consulted her crystal ball, looked at the tarot, double-checked his birthday and astro...

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Hitler built a boat in pixelated blocks and named it

Mein Kraft

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After seeing the how lucrative the furniture business was becoming in Sweden, and being unable to invade the country due to British blockades, Hitler decided to open up his own furniture store.

He called it Mein Kampfy Couch.

I went to the Chinese for a take away last night, I ordered chicken chow mein, egg fried rice and Singapore crispy noodles. The bloke tipped it all loose in to a carrier bag. I said what the hell are you doing?

He said we're not allowed to put Chinese in a container anymore.

Why are Chinese noodles so easy to love?

Because they are 'Lo Mein-tenance'!

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What did the Nazi call his safe space?

Mein Kampfert zone

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I went for a Chinese last night and got chatting to the waiter.

He told me he lived in Japan during the war and was a Kamikaze pilot and his Code Name was 'Chow Mein'. I said "correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't Kamikaze pilots sacrifice their own lives?"

To which he replied, "Yes but I was Chicken Chow Mein."....

A Chinese restaurant owner arrives home very drunk.

He crawls into bed next to his wife and shakes her awake, whispering, " Hey honey, how about a little 69?"

She jumps out of bed, livid, and yells at him, "You come home at 3am, stinking of whiskey, wake me up, and have the nerve to ask me for some pork fried rice, chicken chow mein, and an eg...

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What did the Germans call Hitler’s dog?

Mein Fluffer

What does a german guy call his block of cheese?

Mein Kraft

As a landlord, the most laid-back renters I ever had were a Chinese restaurant.

They were lo mein tenants.

What’s a German janitor’s favourite game?

Mein Sweeper.

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What did Hitler name his mattress?

Mein Kampfy

Why did the depressed Mexican order chinese takeout?

Because he was feeling lo mein

What does an Italian chef make in a Chinese restaurant?

Ciao Mein.

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a jew bought a camp site and then said

“now this is mein kampf.”

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What did Hitler call his recliner?

Mein Kampf-y Chair.

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What does Hitler call his mac and cheese?

Mein-Kraft

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Did you ever hear about Hitler’s children’s book?

Mein Summer Kampf

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Nazi

Rudolph Hess edited Mein Kampf for Adolf Hitler, making him the first grammar Nazi.

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What does Hitler call the area around his tent?

Mein Kampf

What psychosis do you have, if all you can think about is Chinese noodles?

Mega-Lo-Mein-ia

My grandfather told me this In German so it might already be posted somewhere here, oh and it's translated

Two guys are riding bicycles down the street.

One of the bikes fenders was loose and was making a loud noise.

So the first guy said to the second guy
"Hey your fender is too loud"

The second guy says "what?"

The first guy speaks louder
"your fender is too loud" <...

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What did Hitler say when he was forced to mingle with people of other races?

“Ach, this is out of Mein Kampfert zone!!”

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What does the old Nazi call his favorite reclining chair?

Mein Kampfy chair.

I can just eat Chinese takeout every day.

I'm lo meintenance.

A joke for our new Chinese overlords: I once asked my Chinese girlfriend for a 69.

She said I'm not cooking Chicken Chow Mein at this time of night.

I'm having a hard time getting my German Chinese fusion restaurant going.

It's called Chow Mein Kampf.

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A motorcycle driver...

...dies in an accident. He finds himself in hell, he looks around and spots Hitler. Hitler comes over and asks the young fella "Well what brought you here mein Junge?" The motorcycle driver replies " Well... too far right and too much gas, which left the whole place burning." Hitler answers " Ah yea...

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In 1859, there was this German Chemist living in London, England.

One day he received a new batch of experimental powder from Columbia. Curious to find out what the substance was, he opened the package and it erupted in a puff of powder. After inhaling half the cloud the Chemist felt vibrant, energised and happy.

“I hast not seen ziss beefore”, thought t...

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I have a habit of reading when I am travelling via train.

This one journey I was reading *Mein Kampf*.

Suddenly this one lady in the cabin caught sight of the title and immediately started a ruckus. She snapped at how inappropriate it is for someone in the modern age to read that regressive book. She even went on to call me a Nazi and continued rebu...

Holocaust jokes are...

out of Mein Kamf-ort zone, Anne Frank-ly I find them offensive.

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Did you know Hitler tried to get into carpentry?

He even published a book, “Mein Kampfy Chair”

Apparently it never took off because he had a thing against screws.

What is Lighting McQueen’s favourite Chinese meal?

KaChow Mein

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What do you call a cat gang leader in the hood?

The mein coon

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What did Hitler say when he was asked where he would like to sit?

He said "Mein Kampfy chair."

I told a Chinese guy that they always smell like Chinese food.

He said "aw that's lo, mein."

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What was Hitler's favorite blanket?

Mein kampforter

Edit : fucking spelling imaginary words.

German Mining Company

German miner, "herr supervisor, we're working so many hours and we're so efficient that within a year we will run out of ore to mine."

Mine Supervisor, "this is a problem. A very bad problem."

Miner, "what do you suggest we do?"

Supervisor, "Mein Fuhrer."

Steve Bannon called in sick today

"Sore throat? "Kellyanne Asked.

Bannon replied: "It's Mein Cough"

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