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Mandat Jokes

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Why are male conservatives against mandates?

That would be so gay.



*No need to rough me up, I'll let myself out.*

What is a government mandate?

When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.

Pete goes for his yearly physical that's mandated through his work

They send them out in groups to the doctor during the work day.

So it's Pete's turn with the doctor and he leaves his buddies in the waiting room to go into the doctors office. They go through all the motions of an annual physical. Finally at the end the doctor asked Pete to bend over the exa...

A new law

Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. "What brings you guys in today?" the bartender asks. "I guess you haven't heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants during Covid-19. All adult males are required to go and eat lunch out with their best male friends at l...

Yo Momma is so ugly

The government extended mask mandates to give everyone's eyes a break

I’m sick and tired of all these mandates..

Any single women out there who’d like to go out for dinner?

I was going to make a joke about lifting the mask mandate in Texas

but it's too soon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was wondering why the book about sex I bought had positions like the "hammer and sickle" and "government mandated equality"

Then I realized I was reading the Commie Sutra.

Thirty children dead after their school mandated they wear bulletproof vests to prevent shootings.

Swimming lessons should probably have been exempted.

Wife got mad when I told her I must hang out with the guys once a week.

She hates my mandates.

My relationship with my ex-wife is a lot like my relationship with COVID-19.

In each case the government has mandated that I maintain a certain distance from them.

Until federal law supports the love between two men

It’s just a mandate

What do you call two Palestinian men courting each other in 1930's London?

A Palestinian mandate

Finnish people eagerly await giving up the mandatory social distancing guidelines

So they can return from the government mandated 2 meters of distance to the normal 5 meters

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Why did the heterosexual guy agree to go out with a guy?

It was a mandate

To improve corporate rapport , they made it compulsory for guys to hang out with other guys outside of work

I guess that was the "mandate"

City officials required all their male employees to socialize with male coworkers after work once a week.

They issued a government mandate.

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Why do people in the Middle-East tend to be homophobic?

They have had bad experiences with mandates.

When I asked the court why I was forced to accompany a gentleman to a social engagement

They said I was mandated

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USSR jokes about America

My dad told me this one was a classic when he lived in the former Soviet Union:

So as you know, Russia and America would send spies against each other frequently. All American spies were mandated to learn Russian and all Russians English.

Well so, the American spy gets dropped off in ...

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Why are most male politicians gay?

They can only mandate.

(Original) What do you call it when Trump and Mike Pence go to the movies together?

A government mandate

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Trump and Pence are so homophobic ...

... they couldn't get a mandate.

HAHAHA! A lot of people are going to die in the next 4 years.

Why did the two guy friends hang out every week?

Because it was a mandate.

What do you call it when one guy demands that another guy go to the movies and give him a hand job?

A mandate

What's the difference between a proclamation from the Vatican and a mail-order husband from ebay?

One's a papal mandate and the other's a paypal man-date.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Updating a classic for modern times [long]

When the news of covid hit Tammy said "I don't need to worry, God will protect me."


Well when lock downs started Tammy said "I don't need to worry, God will protect me". And she continued to see her friends, and be rude to restaurant staff when she got take out and show up to places tha...

Why God? Why?

One day a fellow was watching Fox News and learned about a new virus that was rapidly spreading and quickly killing those who got sick with it. The nightly news reports got worse and worse, this Covid-19 virus was spreading around the world and killing increasingly large numbers of people. But he wa...

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The Cod Captain and His Seamen's Semen

Several centuries ago, Irish fishermen sought fortune fishing cod off the coast of Newfoundland. During the long cross-Atlantic journey, many captains worried about their men after so much time away from their wives.

One devoutly Catholic captain was especially concerned that his men might re...

Quasimodo passed away

After years of hanging out in the bell tower, Quasimodo got drunk and careless and slipped over a rail, falling to his death one cold night.

The cathedral HR department put out a posting to get a replacement for him, but due to the eerie nature of the bell tower, they only got one response - ...

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