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Texte Jokes

My wife texted "I'm leaving you"

And followed with "after lunch to go shopping with my sister."

I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. "I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me."

I texted her back "Remind your sister she said she would come over later to give me a hand job"

A m...

My girlfriend texted me "helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative"

Anybody know what "ternative" means?

Middle age texting

The middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones.

The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she'd send her husband a text while she was out of the house having coffee with a friend.

She texted:

If you are sleeping, sen...

I TEXTED MY BOSS...

"What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?...

HE ANSWERED: "I don't know?"

I REPLIED: "I'm not coming in this morning!"

She texted me: "Your adorable."

I replied: "No. You're adorable."

Now she likes me. All I did was correct her typo.

My girlfriend texted me that the relationship cannot continue because I played too much video games.

Looks like it was my Destiny 2 break up with her.

She texted me: “your adorable” I responded saying “no. YOU’RE adorable”

Now she thinks I like her even though I was just correcting her grammar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Am I wrong?

I discovered a month -old text on my wife's phone.
It said, "Babe, I've sent you $300. Give your husband $100 and keep the rest for your sexy self."
I texted him back: "Hi, this is her husband. I never got my money. Please talk to her."

A hot girl texted me "Come over, no one's home"

So i went over...
And no one's home

My boyfriend has dandruff.

"My boyfriend has dandruff. What's the best way to remove it?" I texted my mother.

She replied, "Just give him Head & Shoulders."

20 minutes later.

I texted my mother back, "Okay. Now how do I give the shoulders?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife texted me while I was at work this cold winter morning, "Windows frozen."

I texted back, "Pour some lukewarm water over it."

She replied, "Computer completely fucked now."

My ex texted me, “Wish you were here.”

She does that every time she walks through a cemetery.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some girl texted me the space button on her phone is broke

She texted "thespacebuttononmyphoneisbrokencanyoupleasegivemeanalternative" Can someone please tell me what ternative means.

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage

I accidentally texted my wife “I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I texted my wife a picture of my flaccid penis.

I wanted to let her know I was thinking about her.

I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me when she texted me saying

I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me when she texted me saying "I'm out for dinner with my friend Emma" because Emma was lying beside me in bed

My boss texted me "Send me a funny joke"

I texted him back "Sorry, boss, I'm working at the moment, I'll send you one later."
He replied back "That was fantastic, send me another!"

My girlfriend texted me that we were breaking up.

I was relieved when she said, “Sorry, wrong number.”

I texted my wife...

"Darling, I'm at the pub having my last beer, I'll be home in 20 minutes. If I'm not, read the message again..."

A Wife texted her husband:

A wife texted her husband: “Don’t forget to buy vegetables on your way back from the office, and Juanita says hi to you.”

Husband: Who is Juanita?

Wife: Nobody, I was just making sure you read my message.

Husband: But I’m with Juanita right now, so which Juanita are you talking...

My girlfriend just texted me

My girlfriend just texted me, her dragon name was "Vaerjuam".
I was like " Hey Vaerjuam. I'm dad."

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