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Malign Jokes

What do you call it when someone gets part of their large intestine removed due to malignant bowel cancer?

A semi colon

My Doctor told me I was a malignant narcissist

But what does he know?

How many pathologists does it take to diagnose a malignancy?

10....because one less would benign.

What's the difference between a Benign Cancer Cell and Malignant Cancer Cell?

One of them has an existential crisis.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The doctor said "I have good news and bad news..."

The good news is that your dick grew 3 inches.
The bad new is it's malignant

The doctors found a malignant tumor at my checkup the other day...

It's really starting to grow on me

During a weekly game at the home for the aged, the bingo caller began choking and then collapsed.

He was rushed to emergency, and went immediately into surgery.

It appeared that 40 years of calling bingo games in smoky halls had finally caught-up with him.

The surgeon successfully removed a mass that was blocking his windpipe.

After waking from the surgery, the caller asked...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Doctors visit

A man gets called into his doctors office to go over his lab results.


Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news, which would you like first?


Patient: I’d like to good news first doc...


Doctor: Well, you were absolutely right, your penis did grow an inch...
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Doctor says "I've got good news and bad news."

"Give me the good news first Doc!"
"Well, since your last full physical your penis has grown an inch and a half longer."
"That's amazing! What's the bad news?"
"It's malignant."

A man found a mole on his arm one day.

He'd never seen it before, but he wasn't the most attentive person, so he let it alone. A week passed. Eventually, that mole began to grow, and seemed to bleed into the skin around it. The man asked his wife about it, and she said he should probably get it checked out, but he ignored the advice, ass...

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