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Limbless Jokes

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A limbless woman crying on the beach.

A limbless woman is sitting on the beach crying as a man approaches her.

“What’s wrong?” He asks.

“I’ve never been hugged before...” she responds.

The man hugs her and she stops crying for a second. Then the man walks away and the woman continues crying.

A little whil...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A limbless man is on the beach

A man with no arms or legs was laying on a glorious beach in the blazing sun. A gorgeous redhead approached him and said
"Have you ever been kissed?"
The man replied "No".
The redhead knelt down and kissed him passionately.
Shortly after a gorgeous brunette approached him and said ...

I have a limbless friend Alice...

Knock knock

Who's there?

Bet it's not Alice...

A limbless man takes up swimming

A man with no arms or legs decided to take up swimming in an attempt to make the Paralympics. He was called Bob

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Limbless Girl

One day a boy was walking out on his favourite pier at the beach to enjoy the view. As he came closer to the end, he noticed a girl with no limbs sitting on a bench crying.

The boy asked, “why are you crying?”

The girls responded, “no one has ever given me a hug before.”

So the...

Why did the limbless gladiator surrender?

He was unarmed and defeated.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A limbless woman sits in a wheelchair on a boardwalk with a sign around her neck that says "Ask how you can help me"

She sits there patiently as people stare as they walk by and it takes a good 30 minutes before a man walks up and asks "how can I help you?". She says to the man "I've never been hugged before, will you hug me?" With a smile on his face, the man gives her an amazing hug and continues on his way. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus on the cross..

After a brutal and tough day carrying the cross up Golgatha, the Romans nailed Jesus with no remorse to the heavy wooden structure. Golgatha was a grand hill, and as the cross was raised Jesus looked down upon all those gathered before him.

He saw his wonderful mother Mary.
He saw gods chi...

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A man with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach, thinking deeply about his life.

As he lays there, unable to move, he thinks about all the rejection he has faced. Countless women, scared off by his grotesque appearance, have avoided all contact with him. Never been kissed, never been loved.


As he reflects on his sad, lonely existence, a beautiful, busty young lady, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John was walking on the beach...

Enjoying a nice stroll along the water when he stumbles upon a woman with no arms or legs. John approaches the woman who says to him, “hello, I’ve never been hugged before. Will you hug me?”

John, feeling sorry for the limbless woman decides to oblige her request, and hugs her before going ab...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is walking along the beach..

When he notices a limbless woman sitting in the sand alone crying. He approaches her and asks her what's wrong.

Woman: I'm sitting here crying because I have no limbs, and because of that no man has ever wanted to fuck me.

Man: Well, lady.. I think I can help you with that.

He ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is fed up with her love life...

...so she puts an ad in the newspaper.

'What is wrong with men? I have had no luck. My first boyfriend was abusive and I had to leave him out of fear. My second relationship was going great until one day he inexplicably left. My last guy was kind and wanted to be with me forever, but he...

Quasimodo's had it.

Sixty years climbing the steps. Sixty years ringing the bell. He's ready to retire, get a little house in the country for him and the little lady. Puts an ad on Craigslist "Bell ringer wanted. Inquire Quasimodo, Notre Dame."

Next day, there's a knock at the door. Quasi opens it, looks ou...

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