John rolls out of his room into the apartment,

John rolls out of his room into the apartment, looking like some misshapen ball. His roommate Ron, horrified, asks what happened.

“Oh nothing major, I just found a genie and told him I could use a joint, looks like he misinterpreted and turned me into a human knee,” said John.

“A kn...

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Working for Her Majesty

Two blokes living in the Australian outback saw a couple of jobs advertised by the Queen of England. She was looking for footmen, to walk beside her carriage.

They applied and were very happy to be flown to London for an interview with Her Majesty.

She says to them "Because my footmen ...

Why did the wheat become misshapen?

It was inbread

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A man and his newlywed wife are about to consummate marriage.

A man and his newlywed wife are about to consummate marriage. Both are nervous and start getting undressed. The man takes his shoes and socks off and the woman shrieks "OMG! What's wrong with your feet?" The husband, having grossly misshapen toes replies "When I was a kid I contracted toelio." The b...

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes...

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced, He decides to grant them one wish each, before they are given their lives back.

They're all lined up, and God asks the f...

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A CEO gathers his staff..

10 Male employees are present in the convention room. The CEO clears his throat and starts the meeting: *"Good afternoon gentlemen. As you know, I am leaving for my business meeting tomorrow and will be absent for 10 days."*

The employees are all nodding in agreement.

The CEO pauses ...

A bunch of stoners were tasked with the job of inventing a new sport...

The result was just a bunch of misshapen llamas playing football.
When they asked the group of stoners why they decided this to be the new sport, they replied "we were just sitting there in silence for a long time and then someone said "alpaca bowl""

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A guy goes to the doctor

A guy goes to the doctor and tells him: "Listen, I felt a weird lump on one of my balls and all of a sudden it began tingling. Next day I wake up and I got a freakishly huge testicle and a regular one and I have no idea how it got like that."

Doctor: "Well, let's see it."

Guy: "No way,...

A frog walked into a bank

..and sat down at the desk of a loan officer. She was a friendly-looking young woman with a name tag that said Patricia Whack.

"I'm looking to take out a personal loan of $5000," the frog said.

The loan officer stared at him skeptically. "Do you have anything to offer as collateral?"...

A father finds a new item in his closet

So he asks his son, "Son, what is this thing? It's long and misshapen and pure white and I can't for the life of me think of how I'm supposed to wear it!"
The son replies "you're supposed to wrap it around your neck. It's a tie, dad."

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Three men walking through a desert: a very dirty joke !

So there were three men walking through a desert, no food or water, when they come across an old, decrepit house. They knock on the door in hopes to find someone kind enough to spare some food and water. The person that answered was a vile, disgusting, and unsanitary old woman. It smells and looks a...

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