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Kobe Jokes

A too-soon Kobe joke

Q: What does Kobe now have in common with his helicopter?

A: They both have torn rotators.

(Let the downvotes begin)

It's way too soon for Kobe jokes.

They never land well.

Don't worry about missing a shot after yelling "Kobe"...

He didn't make it either.

Kobe Bryant's death was an important and historic occasion.

It marked the first time he's passed in years.

How do you know when Kobe Bryant is famous?

His face was chiseled into the mountain.

What did the pilot say before he crashed into the mountain?

"Kobe!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard 2k14 is so real that when you give the ball to kobe,

the pass button stops working

What do Kobe Bryant and the marshal Tucker band have in common?

Their last big hit was fire on the mountain.

Dark humour joke

Kobe Bryant missed a shot because of the flash of a camera.

To stop this from happening again, he stared at the sun for 8 hours to train his eyes.

It’s a shame he couldn’t see the mountain.

Whats the difference between time and Kobe Bryant?

Time passes.

My dad is a lot like Kobe Bryant..

.. he's not here either.

Helicopter backwards is retpocileH

Helicopter upside down is how Kobe died

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Shaq cry at Kobe’s funeral?

Because he finally saw Kobe pass.

At least we know Kobe was a good dad

He wasn't a helicopter parent.

I was going to tell a joke about Kobe Bryant...

But I wasn't sure it would land well.

How do you know definitively that Jordan was better than Kobe?

Jordan can fly.

What do John wilkes booth, lee harvey oswald and kobe bryant have in common?

They never miss a shot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Shaquille O'Neal and a Japanese restaurant have in common?

Kobe beef

Kobe was one of the best Lakers players of all time

But Magic Johnson was definitely the most positive.

How are Kobe Bryant and Melania Trump similar?

They both made fortunes just by playing with orange balls.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Before this year started, none of us could have predicted all this: Kobe Bryant, Australian fires, Coronavirus quarantine, Tiger King, toilet paper hoarding.

I guess none of us truly had 2020 vision after all.

So an airplane was about to crash.....

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board but only 4 parachutes.

The 1st passenger said, "I am Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player, the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane.

The 2nd passenger, Hillary Clinton ...

God and Satan arranged a basketball game between Heaven and Hell.

"I know for a fact we are gonna win," said God. "We have all the best players up here...Wilt Chamberlain, Moses Malone, Kobe Bryant, and so on."

"I wouldn't count on that, God," said Satan. "You see, down here, *we* have all the referees."

Why did the cannibal chef rush to the Bryant helicopter crash scene?

To get some fresh grass-fed Kobe beef.

Why redditors on r/jokes love basketball?

They are fans of Kobe and paste

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kobe Bryant used to cry during sex.

But, then, Mace will do that to you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A homophobe, rapist, and black man walk into a bar....

and the bartender says, "What's up Kobe?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Kobe Bryant's teamates say to him while he was scoring 81 points?

"I'M FUCKING OPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I've been trying to come up with a somewhat sensitive joke for the anniversary of Kobe Bryant's death

But I don't think it would land properly..

I went to a restaurant and the waiter threw my steak into my mouth

Guess I shouldn't have ordered the Kobe beef

Whenever I shoot something into the trash, I yell "Kobe!"

But then, my friend follows up by yelling "Jack!" I don't get what he's trying to say, but he sure is acting cheesy.

Why did Kobe Bryant go to New Jersey after he got arrested?

Because he needed one.

Why did Lamar Odom give Kobe Bryant a dollar?

Because Lamar Odom

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