My grammar may be poor, but my grilling is impeccable.

I'd steak my reputation on that.

Girl, am I a loan offered to ppl with impeccable credit and a long history of timely payments?

Bc I have 0 interest

Chad always has an impeccable fashion sense, even when he's not trying

People ask him how he does it and he tells them, "Well, I didn't stay in the closet all those years for nothing".

Adam Libnitzki(32) got struck by lightning.

02, Jul, 2019 | Sunday

This Sunday morning was a melancholic event in the Libnitzki family, As the 32 year old father of three children aged 2,3 and 16 years old was found dead due to a lightning strike. The grieving wife informed the reporters that her husband was a loved man and was a well ...

My lawn is chicken proof.

It's impeccable.

Jacques and Pierre were bitter enemies

So one day, Jacques challenged Pierre to a duel. Swords were chosen. They faced off and drew their weapons. Jacques struck first, thrusting his sword toward Pierre, but Pierre daftly swatted his sword to the side and returned a thrust, piercing Jacques in the shoulder. They circled each other a few ...

A Hippo wants to join the local hippo gang

While speaking with the gang leader he's told in order to join the gang he must have respect for his brothers and impeccable manners.
He nods his head and let's the leader know he was raised in a noble, high class family. These things came easy to him.

The hippo struts out of the leaders r...

A beautiful woman walking into a sporting goods store...

She spends a few minutes shopping around until she finds a fishing rod that she would like to buy for herself. She picks it up and brings it to the front counter. When she arrives the only cashier is a blind man.

"Good choice" The blind man says "That rod is only $20 this week"

"How do...

So my kid walks inside and says,

'Hey mom, can we get one of those new chicken proof lawns for the backyard? I hear they're impeccable".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday, a Genie offered me one of three wishes...

1. A twelve inch penis,


2. Impeccable memory,


and uhhhh...

Did you hear about the fighting rooster who never lost a fight?

His record was impeccable.

A divorced man is walking to town...

And discovers an old lamp in oddly impeccable shape glistening through the bushes. He decides it's worth a closer look, walks over and picks it up.

All of a sudden a genie pops out and tells the man in his booming voice "You have three wishes, but be careful; for whatever you wish, your ex ge...

An elderly man was at a dinner party

An elderly man at a dinner party was telling a small group about the wonderful restaurant he and his wife went to a couple of days before. The food was fantastic and the service impeccable. When someone asked him the name of it, he couldn't remember.

"I can't remember. Help me here..." He a...

Why should you wear your nicest outfit if you're going to be attacked by birds?

Because you'll want to be impeccable.

I bought a Rolex before trying & failing at stand up comedy.

Apparently you need more than impeccable timing.

My flight instructor told me this one. Nothing to do with flying.

A man's wife is staring at herself in the mirror and frowning. She turns to her husband and says "Honey, I feel fat, old, and ugly. I could really use a compliment right now." To which the husband replies "Darling, your eyesight is impeccable."

German spies

During the war, two German spies were sent to London to gather valuable intel. To immerse themselves in the local culture they walk into a local pub and walk up to the bar. The first German says to the barman in an impeccable English accent
"May I have two Martinis please?"
"Dry?" asked the b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three amateur shoemakers enter their finest pair of footwear into a competition and are about to be graded on their handiwork ...

The judge goes to the black girl and says "These are the finest pair of shoes I have ever seen! *A+*!"

Then the judge walks up to chubby malaysian boy and says "Good effort, but you could've done better. *C-*."

Finally, the judge approaches the ginger boy and moans "Not even a pauper ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of rooster is garunteed to win a cockfight?

An impeccable one.

Did you hear about the courier who became a successful comedian?

The jokes were nothing special, but his delivery was impeccable.

What's the worst thing for a cannibal to say to a friend?

Your family has impeccable taste.

Lieutenant Dan has to deliver bad news.

One day, from the office of the General of the Army comes a letter for Lieutenant Dan bearing bad news. Private John's wife had passed away in a horrible car accident.

The General strongly suggested that breaking the news lightly to John would be course of action.
Lieutenant Dan, with hi...

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