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High Heel Jokes

Yo mama's so fat

she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops

What do you call a cow in high heels and tiara?

Dairy Queen

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My brother asked me if I'd ever have with a woman in high heels.

"Probably not," I said, "because my balance isn't very good."

The capital police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the congressional riot?" The officer responded, "I'd like to question the senator wearing high heels and a spandex leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...

"Please, just wear your police uniform."

What kind of shoes commonly fail drug tests?

High heels

My wife said I should get high heels for her birthday.

I'm getting some weird looks as I walk down the street.

Police announced tonight that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels and frilly underwear

But the chief inspector said they must wear their normal uniforms.

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Two men at an airport

First man says, "I can't find my wife."

Second man says, "I can't find mine either, what does yours look like?"

First man " Six foot tall, blonde, , mini skirt, high heels and a tube, whats yours look like?"

Second man says, " her, we'll look for yours."

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I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license and all just because of a stupid police officer...

The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:

Officer: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"

Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."

Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you ...

I went out to a party in my mom's high heels

My friends thought I had mommy-ish shoes

My wife said she'd fulfil any fantasy of mine.

"What about a nice mini skirt, some high heels and a tight red bra?" I asked.

She spread herself on the bed and said, "Of course, baby."

I said, "Excellent. Wait here, I'll just go and get changed."

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Aman comes home from work and his wife greats him at the door wearing a French maid outfit.

He smiles as he is looking her up and down. High heels and fishnet stockings. Then he says “Thanks for cleaning the house today honey.”

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I was woken late last night about 3am

By my next door neighbor in a very revealing negligee, bra, thongs and high heel boots, and asking to borrow a cup of sugar.

I said, ‘ off dave, I’ve got work in the morning’.

I was stumbling my way back to my airbnb near Anchorage, Alaska at 2 am and got a little lost.

I came to a graveyard and realized where I was staying was just on the other side, so I figured I'd just cut through. As I approached the graveyard I came across 3 young ladys, nicely dressed and in high heels. They were also looking to also cross the graveyard and seemed to have a fun night out the...

What do you call a stoned wrestler?

A high Heel.

Wife told her husband

A man’s wife comes up to him and tells him, “Take off my shirt.” So he does.

She then tells him, “Take off my skirt and high heels.” So he does.

Then she tells him, “Take off my bra and underwear.” So he does.

Finally she tells him, “I better never find you wearing my clothes ag...

Everything you need to know about Australia

I REALLY hope these are true


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)


\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\...

How do you know the high heel was invented by men?

Who else invents things?

What would you rather be stamped on by a herd of elephants or an angry woman in high heels...

At least the elephants you could reason with

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[] A young woman seduces and marries a 90 year old rich man in hopes of quickly inheriting his wealth...

She’s convinced he won’t even survive their wedding night so she takes care to find the sexiest negligee and high heels certain to give him a heart attack on sight. That night after the wedding she finishes getting ready in the bathroom and she seductively saunters out to the bedroom expecting to ma...

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A salesman was making the rounds in a neighborhood...

He knocked on a door, and after a while a teenage boy answered wearing a bra and , high heels and makeup.

The salesman said, "ahem, um, son are your parents home?"

The boy said, "What the do you think?"

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A travelling salesman knocks on a door...

And a ten year old boy answers the door wearing high heels, and a brown bra, smoking a cigar, and drinking scotch.

The salesman says, "woah. Hey, little fella'. Are you parents home?"

The boy answers, "what the do you think?"

Women and seduction: how (not) to

Three friends meet and start chatting about their love life. The first woman has a lover, the second one is engaged and the third one is married. They agree to try a new seduction tecnique with their men so everyone, that night, is going to wear a lether black corset, 6 inches high heels and a mask ...

I got a text from my wife saying "Grandma is keeping the baby tonight, you wanna smash as soon as you get home?"

Never before have I been disappointed to come home and find my wife naked and wearing high heels.

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Two strangers bump into each other

The one guy says to the other guy: "Oh sorry dude, I'm in a hurry since I lost my girlfriend in this huge supermarket."

"That's no problem man," says the other guy. "But I can't find my girlfriend neither!"

"Oh really? How does she look like?" asks the one guy.

The other guy say...

I spend two years a broad

I still have no idea how to walk in high heels

A friend asked if I'd like to go drag racing,

I had to politely decline.

I can't even walk, never mind run in high heels

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.

She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she gently steps with her high heels on the bar stool and plops herself on the bar top, crosses her legs, and seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently care...

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God gave the woman...

God gave the woman beautiful eyebrows
She didn't like this, so she removed them and drew her own



God gave the woman pretty nails
She disliked this, so she cut them and put artificial ones



God gave the woman a pretty face
She hated it, so she put makeup on...

The lady next door came by and said,"Tom."

So I said,"yes"
She said,"I want you to take off my dress"
I said,"ok"
"Then I want you to take off my bra,"she continued.
"Yeah!"
"Then I want you to take off my and high heels"
"O.k."
"AND GIVE THEM BACK TO ME ME YOU PERVERTED,USELESS,THIEF!!!"

Starting the day in London

Two friends from London on the phone:

Guy 1: Hey mate, what's up?

Guy 2: Not much. I am smelling one chicks hair whilst another one is walking all over me in her high heels.

Guy 1: Oh I see, call me when you get off the underground.

A rich woman feigns illness andbleavesba party early

When she gets home, she calls the butler to her bedroom.
"Jeeves? Take off my coat."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, remove my high heels."
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, unzip my dress, and remove it...throw it on the floor!
"Yes, madam."
"Jeeves, remove my brassiere and ."
"Yes, mada...

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A salesman...

A salesman goes up to a house and rings the doorbell. A little boy answers the door wearing his mothers high heels, his fathers tie and fedora, and holding a glass of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other. The salesman says "Hey there little guy. Are your parents home?" The kid looks up at the sale...

The Artemis mission is a success, two astronauts land on the moon.

The astronauts are exploring the surface and collecting samples. The mission is going well, but one of the astronauts notices something strange in the distance.

"Hey, what's that thing on the ground?" the astronaut points.

They cannot make out what it is, so the two astronauts approac...

A woman went to a shoe shop...

And took her son with her.

She chose a high heel, but her son cried telling her to choose a regular one.

The shopkeeper told him: "Stop whining, your mom is going to wear it, not you."

But the child said: "That's true, but my mom is beating ME with it, not you."
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