Escargot Jokes

"I expect ya back in an hour as the bread's already bakin' and the wine's already breathin' on the table" says his wife .

The bloke walks down the path towards town and the local market. Upon arriving he finds the snails, and he spends a good five minutes picking out the biggest and juiciest ... read more

Would he be known as Popeye the Snailorman?

Well, they've long expressed their disdain for fast food.

I’ve been trying to avoid fast food.

So a snail walks into a car shop and buys a fancy sports car. He asks the painter to put a big S on the front, the back, and both sides. The painter asks why and the snail replies, “so when I drive past people they can say ‘“look at that escargot!’”

A woman sends her husband out to buy escargot for dinner party that night.
Instead of going straight to the store, he stops off at the pub.
Six beers later, he remembers: "The dinner party!"
He staggers to the store, buys all the escargot they have and staggers back home, where he promptly ... read more

Because it makes escargot.

The waiter just shrugged it off. "I'm sorry sir," the waiter told him. "All snails are final."

Seamus got sent to the market by his wife to get snails for tea. Her sister was coming over with her new French husband, and she wanted to impress him with escargot.

So Seamus, being the dutiful husband that he is, went down and got them. On his way back home, he bumped into Sean, his old ... read more

Because escargot

A Spanish man is driving a tractor trailer across France and into Italy. At the border he gets stopped by the French police and questioned about the contents of his truck. "Caracoles" he says. Not understanding, the police open it up and say "Oh, escargots." The Spanish man replies, "Sì, es cargo."

A Frenchman came to Texas to visit an old friend. The Texan picked him up in his gigantic Cadillac with longhorns mounted on the hood. Knowing that his friend must be hungry and thirsty after the long flight, he stopped at a bar and grill on the way. They walked in and took a seat at the bar and the... read more

Escargot Pants

Why did the Frenchman put snails in his gas tank?




He thought it would make escargot (his car go)

I said "Look at that escargot!!"

The traveling snail salesman delivered snails to restaurants in his station wagon. After travelling and working for half the day, he stopped at a gas station for a cup of coffee. When he came out he found his car was no longer there. The snail salesman cried out "Where did my escargot cargo car go?!... read more

A man is on a cargo boat. He says to his Spanish wife "is that a snail?" but she says "no, escargot."

Escargot.

The snail's new car is sleek and modern. It's also in the shape of an "S". Eager to show off his new car, he drives it around town. One of his friends notices and says, "Man! Look at that escargot!"

Paddy's wife had watched a cooking show on the telly and was dying to try out the recipe, so she sent him out to Sean's market to buy escargot and told him not to stop by the pub on the way home.

Well, Paddy being Paddy, he decided to pop in for a pint anyways. A quick pint became several. H... read more

Because once they sell it, it goes into escargot.

He picks out a super fast car and says, "I want a big S painted on the left side, the right side, the front, the back. I want big Ss everywhere! The car painter asks why, and the snail says, "Because when I pass people on the road I want them to point at me and say, 'Wow! Look at that escargot!'"

A guy's wife in pregnant and getting cravings for unusual foods. One day she decides she just has to have snails and sends him to the store to get some. He goes downtown to the fancy seafood store and buys a bunch of live snails for making escargot. They put the snails in a paper bag and tell him to... read more

A snail goes to a car meet.
Another snail goes up to him and says
"Sweet ride, is this yours?"
1st snail responds
"naw, it was my friend's. He passed away last year."
2nd snail says.
"Damn, my condolences. He has great taste though. "
1st snail then says
"yeah, escargots 0... read more

An hour before the party the woman found out that she still needed escargots. So she sent her husband out to get it. He was walking to the supermarket and he figured he had lots of time. So he stopped at the bar on the way. An hour and a half later he looked at his watch and realized that the pa... read more

He sees a blue sports car and falls in love. Immediately he runs (slides?) to the salesman and says, "I need that blue car!"

"Okay. Come back tomorrow, and it will be ready." The salesman replied.

The following day, the snail returned to find the car waiting for him in the lot.
... read more