UPJOKE
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Bernie Sanders, Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar

Hillary Clinton: "This is the worst game of fuck, marry, kill I've ever played."

Someone’s going to have to put an end to this Epstein meme craze.

Cause it’s not gonna kill itself.

Why did Jeffrey Epstein kill himself?

Because he had low self Epstein.

What do Christmas lights and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?

They don’t hang themselves.

Why did Jeffrey Epstein's English teacher fail him?

Because he never finished his sentences...

They've just found Jeffery Epstein's diary.



His last entry was about twelve years old.

Did you hear that Bill Clinton got on Jeffrey Epstein's plane 25 times......

and got off 50 times.

I heard that Jeffrey Epstein never wanted to be rich and famous.

All he ever wanted was to settle down and have kids.

Oh, you´re surprised Jeff Epstein committed suicide?

Imagine how surprised Jeff must have been.

Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?

Brigham Young

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Bill Gates was invited to Jeffrey Epstein’s private island.

After arrival Bill Gates was shown to a room with a rather young looking masseuse. The girl instructed Bill Gates to disrobe for a massage and one thing lead to another and they ended up having sex. Afterwards the masseuse said “I always wondered why you called your company Microsoft but now I know”

It’s clear that Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell had a deep bond.

Even with one of them dead, they’re still finishing each other’s sentences.

As Epstein swayed back and forth, coming to grips with the inevitable, he reached out to give the guard one final high five...

But he just left him hanging.

What were Epstein's last words before he committed suicide?

Please don't kill me!

With all the pictures of Epstein attending parties, talking to important people and generally socialising

It's obvious he didn't like to hang by himself

If your surprised that Jeffrey Epstein commited suicide this morning

Imagine how surprised he must have been.

Michael Jackson and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar...

...and walk right out because it's 18+

Almost done watching that Netflix special on Epstein.

I hope it doesn’t leave me hanging.

Epstein is like a full garbage bag

It’s not gonna take itself out.

I hate to break it to you, but it doesn't matter if Epstein committed suicide. If those cases had ever gone to court -

- it would have been a hung jury.

Say what you want about Epstein...

But he *always* obeyed the speed limits in school zones.

Why is Jeffrey Epstein bad at races?

He always comes in a little behind

What is Jeffrey Epstein’s favorite killstreak in Call of Duty?

The Predator Missile.

It's officially ridiculous. If I see one more Epstein joke on here I'm going to kill myself.

Just like he didnt.

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Why is Hitler a better person than Jeffery Epstein?

At least Hitler killed himself.

I’m gonna dress up as Jeffrey Epstein for Halloween and crash some parties

I just really don’t wanna hang by myself

BREAKING NEWS: Ghislaine Maxwell, former on again / off again partner of Epstein, has been arrested by the FBI.

In other news, Prince Andrew has just suffered a heart attack, Bill Clinton has suddenly developed Alzheimer’s, and all prison guards at Maxwell’s detention centre have suddenly had to take long naps...

What do you call reports that Jeffrey Epstein didn’t actually hang himself but instead was murdered?

Fake noose.

Why would Jeffrey Epstein make a bad musician?

Because he would spend all day fingering A Minor

How did CNN react to Jeffrey Epstein's death?

Fake noose!

BREAKING : Prison guard responsible for watching Jeffrey Epstein killed in tragic house fire

Time of death was 11:26am, tomorrow.

I've decided to become a professional Jeffrey Epstein impersonator, don't try to talk me out of it!

I know it is career suicide.

What do Jeffrey Epstein and Qasem Soleimani have in common?

Neither killed themselves

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Jeffrey Epstein may be going to Hell...

But he still got his 72 virgins.

Can we stop the conspiracy theories on Epstein's death? It was a normal suicide, because he had nothing to live for.

"This post is supported and paid for by the Clinton Foundation"

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What's the difference between Hitler and epstein

Hitler killed himself

I met Jeffrey Epstein once. It was only a brief interaction, but I can recall that I offered him some cheddar cheese and he didn't like it.

I think it was too mature for him.

Some people claim Epstein killed himself.

Others are calling it fake noose.

There was a time when Jeffery Epstein could call up the most powerful people in the world...

Now they just leave him hanging

Officers on Epstein's Suicide Watch did their jobs.

They watched the whole thing.

What does Jeffery Epstein and me being offered 30 days of YouTube premium have in common?

We both skip the trial.

Jeffrey Epstein worked on the upcoming "Cuties" movie

He was an executed producer

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"Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself..."

"...Carole fuckin' Baskins did."

— Unknown Inmate, Santa Rosa County Jail

What's the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and Christmas ornaments?

The ornaments can be rehung again next year.

What's the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and a Whiskey Connoisseur?

Only one thinks it gets better with age.

Jeffery Epstein likes his video games like he likes his suicides

Co-op

Jeffery Epstein would’ve loved Steve in Smash Bros

He really liked miners

What do Jesus and Jeffery Epstein have in common?

Neither hung themself.

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I'm surprised Jeffrey Epstein's victims weren't more suspicious of his co-conspirator.

I mean, if someone told me I had to go to Jizz Lane to get $200, I'd be a little more reluctant.

Hillary Clinton is giving a lesson about the world at a gifted-student primary school in New York

After her talk she offers to answer questions from the kids.

One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is.

"Kenny," he says.

"And what is your question, Kenny?" she asks.

"I have four questions," he says. "First -- what happened in Benghazi? Second -...

I haven’t watched the Epstein docu-series on Netflix but I already know the ending.

He didn’t kill himself.

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I don't know why Epstein had to chase after young girls. I'm sure grown women were impressed by his dick size.

After all, he was hung.

Why was Epstein not an all-rounder ?

Because Epstein did not skill himself

What's the resemblance between a battery and Jeff Epstein?

They both die in a cell!

Remembering the life of Jeffrey Epstein...

He touched so many. He will surely be missed.

20 Years down the line, the truth about Jefferey Epstein will come out

His name was spelled Epstain the whole time

Alan Dershowitz has defended O.J. Simpson, Jeffrey Epstein, and Donald Trump

The stabber, the nabber, and the grabber

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Why is Hitler better than Epstein?

In a herioc last act, Hitler killed one of the biggest criminals of his time.

Jeffrey Epstein went to hell

Jeffrey Epstein went to hell after his death and met the devil who told him what his punishment is going to be.

"You see these people lined up with boxing gloves? You will be made to spread your legs so that they can hit you below the belt. I am surprised many have volunteered. You must have ...

I made a “Epstein didn’t kill himself” joke on Facebook today.....

I laughed, my friends laughed, the people involved with Epstein who are now going remain anonymous and never be punished laughed. Good times

Jeffrey Epstein plays mmo for...

Sui side quests.

Epstein didnt get enough credit as a businessman

He really captured the youth market.

Guards Conversation on Epstein.

Guard One:

"have you checked on Epstein lately?"



Guard two:

"Yea, he's just hanging out in his cell."

I wasn't surprised Epstein killed himself when he had so many years left ahead...

...after all, he was well known for wanting to do a lot of things earlier than he should.

Why did Jeffrey Epstein love Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven?

...Cause it's in A minor.

Covid 19 is like Jeffery Epstein.

It doesn't kill itself. Wash your damn hands

I really think reddit was onto the sinister powers that run the world with the whole Epstein thing

I mean, they burned down half of Australia, almost started a world war, invented a new virus... just to distract us

[edit] : of course this post will be buried. And we know who did that. No way it will be because my jokes are lame.

Where did Epstein keep his friends’ contact info?

PDF files

Jeffrey Epstein dies and goes to Hell.

Satan sees him at the gates.

Satan yells "Hey Jeff, how's it hanging?"

Epstein's death being a suicide was just one big misunderstanding...

The medical examiner who ruled the death as a suicide misunderstood what his colleague meant by "Man... Epstein sure was hung!"

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How do you know Jeffrey Epstein converted to Islam?

He was promised 72 virgins in the afterlife and he just couldn’t wait.

Today I found out that the prison where Jeffery Epstein was kept didn’t have a suicide for 2 decades...

...and counting!

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I am currently investigating a possible link between Jeffrey Epstein and Osama Bin Ladin.

I mean where else would Bin Laden get the 72 virgins he was always talking about?

What does Jeffrey Epstein and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both make the kids go “oh no”

THE EPSTEIN FART

Dr. Epstein, a world- renowned physician, was invited back to his hometown to give a public lecture. On the evening of the talk, the auditorium was packed with friends, acquaintances, and people who were proud of their native son. He walked onto the stage in the big auditorium and placed his papers ...

What does Jeffery Epstein and apoptosis have in common?

Programmed cell death.

Jeffrey Epstein and Donald Trump see a cute 14 year old girl

Epstein: I’d love to screw her.
Trump: Out of what?

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[NSFW] Jeffery Epstein visited the US Virgin Islands with 12 of his closest friends...

They then left quickly when they learned the territory is over 100 years old.

Bill Cosby walks out of prison...

..and gets on a bus, and rides it to a long rock wall. Next to a big oak, he finds a letter.

He follows it to Mexico, where he finds Jeffrey Epstein working on his boat.

The Epstein suicide video that recently went missing

Didn’t lose itself.

I must say I'm shocked by Jeffrey Epstein's suicide.

How did he get the noose around his chin?

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What is the difference between Epstein and al-Baghdadi?

One of them had 72 virgins *before* he died.

What was Epstein's favorite prison game?

Hangman

How does Epstein change a light bulb?

we don't know, his suicide watch didn't see anything.

What is your most inappropriate, sickest comment on Jeffrey Epstein?

*He died just the way he liked his girls, gagging.*

I got a friend request from Epstein

Not sure if I should accept it or leave him hanging.

What was Jeffrey Epstein humming before dying?

"All the right moves", One Republic

Mr. Epstein, we need you to testify about the people who used your "services".

Jeffrey: "Over my dead body!"

Say what you will about Jeffrey Epstein,

he always drove slower than the speed limit around schools.

Why did Jeff Epstein get off Facebook?

It turned 15 and he lost interest.

I think it’s safe to say Jeff Epstein’s last moments were somewhat calm and relaxed

He was just hanging out

What were Jeffrey Epstein's last words?

"The encryption codes are hidden behind the Dali painting in the guest bathroom. Hey, I told you what you wan...."

What did Epstein nickname his island?

Kid Rock

Why does Jeffrey Epstein only date 23 year olds

Because there's 20 of them.

Honestly, I found what happened to Jeffrey Epstein really sad...

So many powerful friends that could have helped and, instead, they all let him hang out to die.

What was Jeffrey Epstein's Minecraft Server called?

Miner's Welcome.

what's the difference between Jeff Epstein's plane and a normal flight ?

on a normal flight you're only getting screwed by the airline

How do you get Jeffrey Epstein to install a light bulb?

Tell him it's 12yo and he will screw it.

"Knock, knock" "Who's there?" "Norway" "Norway who?"

"Norway in hell Epstein killed himself!"

Attorney General Barr released a summary of Jeffrey Epstein's autopsy findings...

They found no evidence of contusion.

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