Epstein Jokes - 97 Hilarious Epstein Jokes

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Bernie Sanders, Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar

Hillary Clinton: "This is the worst game of fuck, marry, kill I've ever played."

What do Jeffrey Epstein and Halloween decorations having common?

They don’t hang themselves.

Happy Halloween

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Why is Jeffrey Epstein bad at races?

He always comes in a little behind

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Someone’s going to have to put an end to this Epstein meme craze.

Cause it’s not gonna kill itself.

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Why did Jeffrey Epstein's English teacher fail him?

Because he never finished his sentences...

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If your surprised that Jeffrey Epstein commited suicide this morning

Imagine how surprised he must have been.

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Why would Jeffrey Epstein make a bad musician?

Because he would spend all day fingering A Minor

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They've just found Jeffery Epstein's diary.

His last entry was about twelve years old.

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Did you hear that Bill Clinton got on Jeffrey Epstein's plane 25 times......

and got off 50 times.

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Jeffrey Epstein, Prince Andrew, and the Dalai Lama walk into a bar....

Bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve underage here."

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When Jeffrey Epstein was in prison, other inmates asked him what he was in for...

"nothing much, just a minor problem"

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Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?

Brigham Young

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As Epstein swayed back and forth, coming to grips with the inevitable, he reached out to give the guard one final high five...

But he just left him hanging.

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What were Jeffrey Epstein's last words?

But I dont want to commit suicide

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the psychotherapist ask his suicidal patient to change his name to „Jeffrey Epstein“?

To make sure he doesn‘t kill himself.

It's officially ridiculous. If I see one more Epstein joke on here I'm going to kill myself.

Just like he didnt.

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Epstein is like a full garbage bag

It’s not gonna take itself out.

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Remembering the life of Jeffrey Epstein...

He touched so many. He will surely be missed.

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[NSFW] Jeffery Epstein visited the US Virgin Islands with 12 of his closest friends...

They then left quickly when they learned the territory is over 100 years old.

Oh, you´re surprised Jeff Epstein committed suicide?

Imagine how surprised Jeff must have been.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bill Gates was invited to Jeffrey Epstein’s private island.

After arrival Bill Gates was shown to a room with a rather young looking masseuse. The girl instructed Bill Gates to disrobe for a massage and one thing lead to another and they ended up having sex. Afterwards the masseuse said “I always wondered why you called your company Microsoft but now I know”

Almost done watching that Netflix special on Epstein.

I hope it doesn’t leave me hanging.

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Say what you want about Epstein...

But he *always* obeyed the speed limits in school zones.

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Guards Conversation on Epstein.

Guard One:

"have you checked on Epstein lately?"

Guard two:

"Yea, he's just hanging out in his cell."

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Epstein didn't kill himself

Fake noose

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"Knock, knock" "Who's there?" "Norway" "Norway who?"

"Norway in hell Epstein killed himself!"

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The Pope and, for some odd reason, Epstein both die and go to Heaven.

They share greetings and the Pope says, ‘I am so glad to be here. Cannot wait to finally meet the Virgin Mary’. Epstein looks at the Pope, shrugs, and replies: You are 10 minutes too late.

Why did Jeffrey Epstein kill himself?

Because he had low self Epstein.

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Why didn't Jeffrey Epstein high five the prison officer?

He tends to leave people hanging.

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Who is worse, Epstein or Hitler?

Epstein. Because, despite all his atrocities, at least Hitler killed Hitler.

Officers on Epstein's Suicide Watch did their jobs.

They watched the whole thing.

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True love is finishing each other’s sentences

Ghislaine Maxwell must’ve really loved Jeffrey Epstein

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With all the pictures of Epstein attending parties, talking to important people and generally socialising

It's obvious he didn't like to hang by himself

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Jeffrey Epstein dies and goes to Hell.

Satan sees him at the gates.

Satan yells "Hey Jeff, how's it hanging?"

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I heard that Jeffrey Epstein never wanted to be rich and famous.

All he ever wanted was to settle down and have kids.

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THE EPSTEIN FART

Dr. Epstein, a world- renowned physician, was invited back to his hometown to give a public lecture. On the evening of the talk, the auditorium was packed with friends, acquaintances, and people who were proud of their native son. He walked onto the stage in the big auditorium and placed his papers ...

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Some people claim Epstein killed himself.

Others are calling it fake noose.

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Jeffrey Epstein went to hell

Jeffrey Epstein went to hell after his death and met the devil who told him what his punishment is going to be.

"You see these people lined up with boxing gloves? You will be made to spread your legs so that they can hit you below the belt. I am surprised many have volunteered. You must have ...

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jeffrey Epstein may be going to Hell...

But he still got his 72 virgins.

How did CNN react to Jeffrey Epstein's death?

Fake noose!

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The difference between myself and Epstein is...

One of us is hung.

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Why is Hitler better than Epstein?

In a herioc last act, Hitler killed one of the biggest criminals of his time.

What's the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and Christmas ornaments?

The ornaments can be rehung again next year.

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How does Epstein change a light bulb?

we don't know, his suicide watch didn't see anything.

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Covid 19 is like Jeffery Epstein.

It doesn't kill itself. Wash your damn hands

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Jeffrey Epstein plays mmo for...

Sui side quests.

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I got a friend request from Epstein

Not sure if I should accept it or leave him hanging.

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Why was Epstein not an all-rounder ?

Because Epstein did not skill himself

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Epsteins victims were seeking justice

But were left hanging with Jefferys death.

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What were Jeffrey Epstein's last words?

"The encryption codes are hidden behind the Dali painting in the guest bathroom. Hey, I told you what you wan...."

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What's the difference between Jeffrey Epstein and a Whiskey Connoisseur?

Only one thinks it gets better with age.

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What is Jeffrey Epstein’s favorite killstreak in Call of Duty?

The Predator Missile.

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What's the difference between Hitler and epstein

Hitler killed himself

Jeffery Epstein would’ve loved Steve in Smash Bros

He really liked miners

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What do Jesus and Jeffery Epstein have in common?

Neither hung themself.

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What was Epstein's favorite prison game?

Hangman

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What was Jeffrey Epstein humming before dying?

"All the right moves", One Republic

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Say what you will about Jeffrey Epstein,

he always drove slower than the speed limit around schools.

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What did Epstein nickname his island?

Kid Rock

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Someone needs to end these Epstein memes

They aren’t going to kill themself

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The Epstein suicide video that recently went missing

Didn’t lose itself.

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Why did Jeff Epstein get off Facebook?

It turned 15 and he lost interest.

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What was Jeffrey Epstein's Minecraft Server called?

Miner's Welcome.

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What’s Jeffery Epstein’s favorite song?

Thank Heaven For Little Girls.

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What's the resemblance between a battery and Jeff Epstein?

They both die in a cell!

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BREAKING : Prison guard responsible for watching Jeffrey Epstein killed in tragic house fire

Time of death was 11:26am, tomorrow.

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What does Jeffery Epstein and apoptosis have in common?

Programmed cell death.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know Jeffrey Epstein converted to Islam?

He was promised 72 virgins in the afterlife and he just couldn’t wait.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between Epstein and al-Baghdadi?

One of them had 72 virgins *before* he died.

I must say I'm shocked by Jeffrey Epstein's suicide.

How did he get the noose around his chin?

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Jeffery Epstein likes his video games like he likes his suicides

Co-op

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Why did Jeffrey Epstein love Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven?

...Cause it's in A minor.

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What does Jeffrey Epstein and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both make the kids go “oh no”

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What is your most inappropriate, sickest comment on Jeffrey Epstein?

*He died just the way he liked his girls, gagging.*

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How do you get Jeffrey Epstein to install a light bulb?

Tell him it's 12yo and he will screw it.

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Why does Jeffrey Epstein only date 23 year olds

Because there's 20 of them.

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What do you call reports that Jeffrey Epstein didn’t actually hang himself but instead was murdered?

Fake noose.

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Guy goes into a bar in California where there is a robot bartender.

The robot asks, “What will you have?” The guy replies, “Whisky.” The robot brings back his drink and asks, “What’s your IQ? The guy says, “168.” The robot continues to talk about physics, space exploration, and medical technology.

After the guy leaves the more he thinks about it,...

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BREAKING NEWS: Ghislaine Maxwell, former on again / off again partner of Epstein, has been arrested by the FBI.

In other news, Prince Andrew has just suffered a heart attack, Bill Clinton has suddenly developed Alzheimer’s, and all prison guards at Maxwell’s detention centre have suddenly had to take long naps...

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I’m gonna dress up as Jeffrey Epstein for Halloween and crash some parties

I just really don’t wanna hang by myself

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Epstein's death being a suicide was just one big misunderstanding...

The medical examiner who ruled the death as a suicide misunderstood what his colleague meant by "Man... Epstein sure was hung!"

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I'm surprised Jeffrey Epstein's victims weren't more suspicious of his co-conspirator.

I mean, if someone told me I had to go to Jizz Lane to get $200, I'd be a little more reluctant.

Whats Jared from Subway and Jeffrey Epstein’s favorite song?

Pretty Young Thing (P.Y.T.) - Michael Jackson

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There was a time when Jeffery Epstein could call up the most powerful people in the world...

Now they just leave him hanging

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I've decided to become a professional Jeffrey Epstein impersonator, don't try to talk me out of it!

I know it is career suicide.

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I haven’t watched the Epstein docu-series on Netflix but I already know the ending.

He didn’t kill himself.

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I am currently investigating a possible link between Jeffrey Epstein and Osama Bin Ladin.

I mean where else would Bin Laden get the 72 virgins he was always talking about?

what's the difference between Jeff Epstein's plane and a normal flight ?

on a normal flight you're only getting screwed by the airline

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What does Jeffery Epstein and me being offered 30 days of YouTube premium have in common?

We both skip the trial.

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Honestly, I found what happened to Jeffrey Epstein really sad...

So many powerful friends that could have helped and, instead, they all let him hang out to die.

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Alan Dershowitz has defended O.J. Simpson, Jeffrey Epstein, and Donald Trump

The stabber, the nabber, and the grabber

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20 Years down the line, the truth about Jefferey Epstein will come out

His name was spelled Epstain the whole time

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Mr. Epstein, we need you to testify about the people who used your "services".

Jeffrey: "Over my dead body!"

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If I had a gun with only two bullets and I was in a room with Epstein...

If I had a gun with only two bullets and I was in a room with Epstein, prince Andrew, and Ghislaine Maxwell, I would shoot myself in the head twice.

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I really think reddit was onto the sinister powers that run the world with the whole Epstein thing

I mean, they burned down half of Australia, almost started a world war, invented a new virus... just to distract us

[edit] : of course this post will be buried. And we know who did that. No way it will be because my jokes are lame.

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Today I found out that the prison where Jeffery Epstein was kept didn’t have a suicide for 2 decades...

...and counting!

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Attorney General Barr released a summary of Jeffrey Epstein's autopsy findings...

They found no evidence of contusion.

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