UPJOKE
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Doze Off Jokes

Indian food is good for sleeping.

You doze off as soon as you hit the pilau.

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A man walking his dog comes across an old man sat on a park bench sobbing

He walks up to him out of concern, and says "Is everything OK?".

The old man says "Well not really".

"What's wrong?" says the man?

"Well a couple of weeks ago, I married this 30 year old exotic dancer. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. Every morning, she wakes me up...

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Boom twang

A joke my dad told me when I was a kid.

It's a bit long.


Terry the truck driver was on his usual route when he spotted a nun on the side of the highway in need of a lift, well he flicked on the Jacobs brake and started dropping gears. He pulled up beside her and said "jump on in s...

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A hard working man puts in overtime all week and is so tired all he wants to do for the weekend is sleep.

He comes home friday and plops down on the couch and starts to doze off. His wife comes in, nudges him and says, "Honey my car won't start, will you take a look at it ?" The husband says, "Who do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench ? Take my truck."

He's sound asleep Saturday morning when his wife c...

Don't Fall Asleep in Church

A man who went to church with his wife always fell asleep during the sermon. The wife decided to do something about this. One Sunday, she took a long hatpin with her to poke him with every time he would doze off. As the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out, "And who created all ...

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A businessman sits next to a blonde on a plane...

It's going to be a long flight so he turns to her and tries to make small talk, but she ignores him best she can. After trying several times, he finally says "It's going to be a long flight, we may as well get to know one another. Why don't we play a game?" She seems uninterested, so he makes it mor...

The other day I was visiting my 105-year–old grandfather in the nursing home.

I was asking him about what his marriage was like; he was married for 65 years before his wife died.

"Grandpa, what was it like being married for so long?" I asked.

He was getting to that point where he would often just kind of doze off or drift away mid-conversation, so I gave him a f...

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[NSFW] Three men get lost in a city.

Not knowing what else they could do, they decide to book rooms for the night at the closest hotel. They ask the receptionist for any available rooms they could rent, and the receptionist informs them that there was only one room with a queen-sized bed left for them.

The men decide that bunki...

Last night of Lovin

After his annual checkup, Bob learns that he has a rare disease and 12 hours to live. His wife tearfully says, "Honey, I'm going to give you a night you'll never forget."

They make passionate love with an ardor they haven't felt in years. When they're done, Bob asks his wife, "Can we do it ag...

A little prick in Church

This little elderly wife and her husband never missed a Sunday service in 35 years. I believe they even sat in the same pew. They were very special to the church and one Sunday, the church wanted to present a beautifully engraved plaque. Coincidentally, it was their 52nd anniversary, and additionall...

A priest and a nun are out in the countryside...

A priest and a nun are out in the countryside making visits and doing good works. The day wanes and it begins to get dark. The priest, being the kind father he is, begins to look for a house that can take the two of them in for the night. Up the road, in the dim light, he sees a small house. As he a...

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Mrs. Parker and Baroness Von Hildebrand

There's this woman, let's call her Mrs. Parker. She is on a flight from Frankfurt to London. She's tired, she's had a long day. She gets on the plane, goes to her seat in economy class, window seat. She makes herself comfortable and tries to get some sleep.

Another woman comes and sits next ...

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