Dead Or Alive Jokes - 19 Hilarious Dead Or Alive Jokes

Schrodinger: "We won't know the cat is dead or alive until we open the box."

The box :"Meow."

"Dead or alive, you're coming with me."

Great movie quote, terrible pickup line…

Is "Schrodinger's Cat" meme dead or alive?

I'm afraid to look.

The lead singer of Dead Or Alive has died.

Guess that answers *that* question.

If I could go out with anyone ever, dead or alive

I'd choose dead.

A bounty hunter rides into town with a completely sealed box.

He goes up the the mayor, holds up the bounty, and says, “I’ve got your bandit just as you requested ‘dead and alive’.”

The mayor says, “not ‘dead AND alive’, ‘dead OR alive’. ”

The bounty hunter looks at the bounty and then at the box and then at the mayor, and says, “I guess we shoul...

El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If a genie appeared and said I could choose a woman, dead or alive, to magically appear so I can have sex with her...

I'd probably choose alive this time.

How do you find out if the cat is dead or alive in the Schrodinger's cat paradox?

By thinking outside the box

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds.

An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town’s cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back t...

What did Robocop say to Schrödinger’s Cat?

Dead or Alive, you’re coming with me.

Erwin the Bounty Hunter

Erwin the bounty hunter rides into town with a box strapped to his horse behind him. He rides up to the mayor, holds up the "Wanted" poster, and says, "I've got Bart the Bandit here just as you requested: 'Dead and alive'."

The mayor replies, "The poster says 'Dead OR alive', not 'Dead AND al...

3 Alien leaders are discussing the fate of humanity

After a successful invasion of earth, the leaders of the armada joined together to discuss the ruling of the planet. Each of the leaders had a different idea on how what they should do with the surviving humans.

"These humans are dangerous," said the first. "We all know the losses we took to ...

A man dies and goes to Heaven...

When he meets Peter, he sees billions of clocks behind him.

"What's the deal with those clocks?" the man asks.

"Each of these clocks is bound to a person on Earth, either dead or alive," Peter replies. "Every time they lie, the pointers shift."

Peter then gives some examples: "T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the new officially branded Robocop vibrator?

Some people are saying it's too strong or two intimidating. As just a point of this, as soon as you switch it on, a mechanical voice yells, "dead or alive, you're cumming with me!"

My cat, Schrodinger went missing

I don't know if she is dead or alive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] What did Robocop say when they gave him a penis attachment?

"Dead or alive, you're cumming with me"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A city boy shoots a duck...

And it lands on the property of a farmer. As the boy walks up to retrieve his fresh kill, the farmer stops him and clears his throat.

"S'cuse me son, but that's my duck", grumbles the Farmer.

"Well I shot it so its mine", argued the City Boy.

That you did, but it landed on my ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Texas Man Moves To Alaska

So a Texas man moves to Alaska to find more oil for his company to drill. Here gets bored one night and goes to a local bar. The man sees "Impossible Challenge: Free beer for life for the winner!", out of curiosity he asks the bartender about it. "Hey bartender, what's the challenge?" The man asked....

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