Cristiano Jokes

Cristiano Ronaldo has his first parenting lesson with his new son. "Right," says the midwife, "what should you do if he starts crying and having a tantrum?" "Show him a yellow card and tell him to get up off the f**king floor," replies the baby.

There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, "I am Cristiano Ronaldo, the best Football player. Real Madrid and my millions of fans need me, I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane. The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly... read more

becuz he can't stand it looking Messi.

And God says "I can't decide whether to send you guys to heaven or hell. So I'm going to test you. I'll let you return to earth, but each of you have to promise to give up something that you love the most. However, if you break your promise you'll go to hell"

Macaulay Culkin gives up pizza. ... read more

It's called the Ronaldo McDonaldo House chairty

Because he’s not Messi.

He went home to his girlfriend and asked, "Well what do you think?". She took a couple of minutes looking his new hair cut over and replied "Well... at least it's not Messi".

The pilot enters the room and says “Bad news, the plane is damaged too bad to fix. We have maybe 5 minutes before we’re going to have to abandon the plane.” Unfortunately, when they grab the parachutes, they see that one of them has an enormous rip through the middle and is unusable, which leaves f... read more