UPJOKE
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Cristiano Ronaldo has a baby.

Cristiano Ronaldo has his first parenting lesson with his new son. "Right," says the midwife, "what should you do if he starts crying and having a tantrum?" "Show him a yellow card and tell him to get up off the f**king floor," replies the baby.

Q: What was most shocking about Cristiano Ronaldo's return to Manchester United?

A: It came out of the Blue.

An airplane was about to crash...

There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, "I am Cristiano Ronaldo, the best Football player. Real Madrid and my millions of fans need me, I can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the plane. The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump, said, "I am the newly...

Why does Cristiano Ronaldo always cleans his house?

becuz he can't stand it looking Messi.

What is Cristiano Ronaldo's favourite food chain?

KF......**SIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

Donald Trump, Cristiano Ronaldo, and Macaulay Culkin all die and visit God...

And God says "I can't decide whether to send you guys to heaven or hell. So I'm going to test you. I'll let you return to earth, but each of you have to promise to give up something that you love the most. However, if you break your promise you'll go to hell"

Macaulay Culkin gives up pizza. ...

Why is Cristiano Ronaldo’s room always clean?

Because he’s not Messi.

Cristiano Ronaldo Went to the barbershop for a new haircut.

He went home to his girlfriend and asked, "Well what do you think?". She took a couple of minutes looking his new hair cut over and replied "Well... at least it's not Messi".

Elon Musk, Cristiano Ronaldo, a mailman, and the Dalai Lama are in a plane when suddenly they enter some extremely rough turbulence.

The pilot enters the room and says “Bad news, the plane is damaged too bad to fix. We have maybe 5 minutes before we’re going to have to abandon the plane.” Unfortunately, when they grab the parachutes, they see that one of them has an enormous rip through the middle and is unusable, which leaves f...

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