Covid Vaccine Jokes

He only gets one shot

A good Christian man walked into Walmart and was offered a mask by the store greeter. The man politely declined saying God would protect him from Covid. Later the man went to his doctor for a routine check up. The doctor told him everything is fine and they also have all three different types of the... read more

The vaccine is now immune to everything

an extrovert, an alcoholic and a karen were reluctant to take the covid vaccine. the doctor tries to persuade them

the extrovert denies

" you won't be able to go to public gatherings anymore"

the extrovert agrees to take it



the alcoholic denies

"you will ha... read more

My friend had gotten both his doses. Still died when he fell off the 19th floor.

Apparently being a republican isn’t an acceptable medical condition.

...that she can't stop talking about getting the COVID vaccine.

So I’m in line for my covid vaccine and there’s an older gentleman in front of me…

We get called up simultaneously and both get sat next to each other.
I over heard his discussion with the doctor…

“What’s is your insurance? Date of birth? When was your last appointment?”

The... read more

The first smallpox vaccine came out in 1796 and 100% of the recipients are dead.

After u take the first dose u will have to wait a few weeks for no. 2

Just been up town and there’s a bloke near Oxford Circus with a suitcase selling COVID 19 vaccines. £2 each or three for a Pfizer.

Researchers from the Universidad Autónoma de Guadalajara in Mexico discovered that a single dose of the corona virus vaccine was capable of alleviating life-threatening and reducing transmission rates by 87%.

An audio excerpt from the conversations of the two researchers, C. Guillermo and H. ... read more

My husband had the vaccination yesterday and he still hates Microsoft Teams.

The chip feels a bit lumpy and I have this permanent urge to buy Microsoft licenses.

On the upside, my 5G is full bars now.

She was worried about bill gates tracking us. I said don't worry, he's been watching us for years anyway through the windows.

Dose!

Afterwards, I ran into a friend and told him about it.


He replied: Huh, you took the vaccine shot?

Me: Uhm yes, why wouldn't I?

Him: I thought you were an anti-vaxxer?

Me: What, no. Why would you think that?

Him: Well most morons are...

Every time I sneeze I hear the Microsoft error sound

It will come in two doses, they'll call it the Steve Jabs

It's working 9 to 5 perecent of the time, what a way to keep us living

Don’t worry, they will tell you.

It's also the only Covid vaccine that will help you win an Olympic medal.

Her 5g reception has never been better

Oops.... Turns out I bought Pfizer Total Landscaping instead. Oh well. Maybe I could rent the place out for a news conference?

But they didn't get it.

The bad news is that they are shipping them on the 737 MAX.

Glad to see there are no side-effects.

Two random strangers penetrating your mom.

But let me give it a shot.

that the covid vaccine is easier to spell.

Two kids in a trench coat got away with with the same idea, but only one got vaccinated.

Ranch dressing will get 98% and Horse dewormer paste to cover the last 2%

When I hear all the people complaining about the Nanochip that is implanted with the Covid vaccine I think about when I was young and had to swallow a whole floppy disc for the Polio vaccine

Why does covid vaccine have 2 shots?




First is the microchip, second is the battery.

I got the Covid vaccine, but now when I cough I get an erectipn.

Apparently running around Walmart with an alkaseltzer tab in my mouth yelling, "the COVID vaccine doesn't work" isn't funny?

These Britishers are great !!



British PM Boris Johnson has been blessed with a baby boy from his girlfriend.



Johnson and Johnson have come out with a single dose Covid vaccine .



They let out an ad featuring the PM with his kid and their vaccine’s name in... read more

I got choosen to receive one of the first covid vaccines shots. Since I’m 78yo old Vietnam veteran. I said, "Can I get it in my left arm". They said sure. I said “Well good, it got blown off in Vietnam in 68, can you bring me back my West Point ring while your over there.”




Edit f... read more

Lockdowns have been imposed, and the infection rate is rising fast. An overweight and diabetic anti-masker is standing on the steps of the church, going against lockdown procedures, when a bystander coming from the grocery store walks by. “Better return home man, the infection rate is rising fast!”<... read more