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Connolly Jokes

I went to the Olympics in Tokyo...

... and saw a guy walking around with a big stick.
So I asked: "Are you a pole vaulter?".
He replied: "No I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?"

(stole this joke from Billy Connolly)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Celtic vs. Rangers

(Celtic and Rangers are rival Scottish football teams, the fans are *not* fond of each other.)

At the Celtic vs. Rangers match, Jimmy, a Celtic fan accidentally ends up with the Rangers fans.

To his bad luck, he is spotted just as Celtic score.
A huge, drunk and angry Scotsman walks...

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes.

After that, who cares? He's a mile away, and you've got his shoes.

\-- Billy Connolly

Blind guy walks into a supermarket...

Starts swinging his dog around his head.

Shop keeper says: "What're you doing?"

Blind guy says "just having a look around"

Credit: Billy Connolly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What have an Ostrich, a Pelican, and the tax man got in common?

They can all stick their bills up their arse.

(Credit: Billy Connolly)

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