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Chipper Jokes

A man fell into a wood chipper and died

May he rest in pieces

What do you get when you put cabbage in a wood chipper?

Slaw dust!

Did you hear about the guy sentenced to death by wood chipper?

He shall be mist.

Keep your clairvoyant chipper [OC unless I accidentally stole this]

When I was a single man, I dated a series of psychics. For the first date, I brought a dozen long stem roses, and she said it was too much, and was angry. So for the second psychic, I brought nothing, and she too was offended. For the third psychic, I settled for a single rose, and I finally found a...

Hey baby, are you a wood chipper?

Cuz I wanna put a baby in you.

What do you get when you drop a baby into a wood chipper?

Well an erection of course.

A lieutenant is freshly stationed in the middle of the desert.

When he first arrives he notices the men all caring for a camel. Bathing it, feeding it their best food, and treating it like a goddess. The lieutenant ask the sergeant why the men are taking such good care of the camel. The sergeant goes on to explain how if the men are ever feeling “lonely” they u...

So I heard a tree service worker tried to stuff one of his coworkers into a wood chipper....

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say he doesn't have a shred of decency .

My best friend partially fell into a wood chipper and there was nothing left when we pulled him out

He was all right

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into work with a smile

Every morning, he walks in and passes the security guard with a great big grin on his face. One day, bleary eyed, the security guard asks him why he's so chipper every morning.

"Well, it's simple. Every morning when my alarm goes off, I rub my wife on the shoulder and say 'Blondie, Blondie, e...

How did the branch feel when it was thrown into a machine?

Chipper

What did one death row tree say to the other death row tree?

“I don’t know about you, but I’m not feeling too chipper”

Many hands make light work...

But as my friend says, "to many corpses clog the wood chipper."

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly someone into a wood chipper.

Two old Jewish women sit down at a local restaurant to catch the early bird special...

Their waiter takes their orders, brings out the food, and then goes to wait on a different table.

Five minutes later, he decides to check in on the two women.

He comes up to their table, and with a bright and chipper smile asks:

"Good evening ladies, is *anything* alright?"

Steve likes Flowers

Every week, he goes to a different florist in his city, and buys a different kind of flower, trying to find what looks and smells best. On this occasion, however, he struggles to find one that fits his vibe for the week. Seeing his struggle, the young florist walks up.

"Hi!" She says with a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Put this word in a sentence....

A class of 8 year olds in Dublin are working on their English sentence construction. Teacher asks them to put various words in sentences getting harder and harder as they go on. Dublin being Dublin, she's getting lots of smart-arsed, funny (but correct) answers. Eventually she gets to the 10 letter...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lonely man adopts a new pet...

A lonely man feeling distant from his wife decides to follow the advice of a coworker and sets out to find a pet to keep himself company.

On the way home from work one day, the man stops by a pet shop. Inside he finds the usual fare, hamsters, guinea pigs, goldfish, etc. As he looks around h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "If I show you something you've never seen before, can I drink for free?"

The bartender looks skeptical.

"Ive seen a lot of things bud, but sure, lets see what you got."

The man reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a very small piano and sets it on the bar. Then he takes out a man, about a foot tall, wearing a very fancy tuxedo and sets him on the bar ...

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