Call Me Jokes - 42 Hilarious Call Me Jokes

They call me fireman

Cuz I turn on the hoes

Ladies call me The Weather Man

I promise 8 inches, but only give you 2.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I started a new job. My boss said "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky". I said "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick".

She said "how do you get Dick from Kyle?"
I replied "you just ask nicely".

Girls call me Mr. Microsoft

because I have a 3.5 inch floppy

Hey baby, call me Colgate

Because 9 out of 10 dentists recommend me in your mouth.

She call me sonic

The way I edge my hog

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They call me Bill

Three guys are sitting in a bar. An American, Australian and a Russian.

The American wants to show off so he pulls out a revolver and shoots off four bottlecaps without hitting the bottles. He looks at the other two and says: "They call me Bill, Revolver Bill".

Not particularly impres...

Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.

Women call me ugly only until they find how much I make

Then they call me ugly and poor!!

When I drink alcohol, people call me alcoholic. But when I drink fanta, no one calls me

or texts me, I'm so lonely, pls help.

People always call me a walking dictionary

I thought they meant I was smart with a good vocabulary, but apparently I’m just thick.

My friends call me the enchanted piano

Because I play with myself alone at night

David Hasselhoff calls his Agent and demands, "I want everyone to call me The Hoff from now on."

His Agent says, "Sure. No hassle."

Call me a nutter, a conspiracy theorist or as mad as a hatter, but did you know that if you take the first two letters from the title of every Harry Potter book, it spells out a secret message?!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

My friends call me 007 when i play call of duty with them.

0 Kills

0 Assist

7 Deaths

I hate when people call me a Kleptomaniac

I prefer... 'Man of STEAL'

My colleagues call me “The Computer”.

Nothing to do with my intelligence. I just go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.

Dad: [grabs chest] Quick! Call me an ambulance.

Me: [hesitantly] You're... an ambulance.

Dad: I'm- I'm so proud of you, son [dies]

Back when I played hockey, they used to call me "the Titanic."

I looked pretty good until I hit the ice.

Some people call me the space cowboy. Some call me the gangster of love. Some people call me Maurice...

Yes that's very nice sir, now can you show me your license please?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Call me Trumper if you must, but I've got proof masks don't do shit.

Last Thursday my wife went on a business trip and they made her wear a mask the whole time - but she got chlamydia anyway!

My math teacher used to call me average.

How mean!

People call me illiterate...

But I know for sure my parents were married.

Me, after accidentally cutting my hand open with a saw: Can you call me an ambulance?

Son: You’re an ambulance

Me: haha

Son: haha

Me: Ok I’m losing a fair bit of blood here, bud

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Friends Call Me A Pedophile

Because she's 18 and I'm 30, but I'll be damned if I let them ruin our seven year anniversary.

To all the people who call me too lazy to achieve anything in life...

Proving you wrong is what gets me up from bed.... in the afternoon.

In my house my kids call me Sir

Get me a drink Sir Vent.

Might not be funny, but it's original..... And a true story.

Ladies call me Subway...

because I’ve got low quality meat and lie about being 6 inches

[OC] Some call me the cheetah…

And some call me the lion…

But my ex-wife calls me a lion cheetah!

Note: I just thought of this, so as far as I can tell it is original.

Call me Pearl Jam

cuz I got a kidney stone

They call me The Tripod

Her: So why do they call you 'Tripod'?

Me: Let me unzip this and show you...

*opens camera case and takes really steady photo*

Call me an egg

Cos you guys are crackin' me up

"Don't call me a Necrophiliac ever again" he said while pulling up his pants.

She didn't reply.

My girlfriend was devastated to find out that my mates call me ‘The Love Machine’

because I’m terrible at tennis.

It was a difficult conversation telling my son to call me dad instead of mom now

But I wanted to be transparent.

My friends call me the exorcist...

Because after I leave there are no spirits left in the house

Next time someone texts you to say "call me"...

Call them to say "text me". And just hang up.

I asked Siri a question and she said, “Don’t call me Shirley.”

I must have left the phone in Airplane mode.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"How the fuck can you call me a slag?" Yelled my girlfriend during a fight. "I've only slept with seven men."

"Look, can we finish this when they've gone?"

They call me "blister" at work.

I show up after the work is done.

Don’t call me a “trash picker” …

I prefer to be called a *discardiologist*.

call me anything you want, i kicked a pregnant lady right at her stomach, and I'm proud of it

i kicked her from the inside though

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