I saw a car with a bumper sticker saying "I am a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal."

Suddenly, I realized how many proctologists there are on the roads.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a bumper sticker that says “honk if you think I’m sexy”

Then I just sit at the green lights until I feel better about myself

Today I saw a car parked with a bumper sticker that said "I miss New york"

So I smashed his window in and stole his radio.

They say you can predict the next president based off bumper stickers.

According to my research the president should have been that one honor student.

I never understood people who have the confederate flag and the american flag bumper stickers.

It seems like a bad relationship. It's like, "this one is to commemorate my love for Steve! And this one is to commemorate the time I tried to escape from Steve...."


Credit goes to Neal Brennan

My favorite bumper sticker of all time

I still miss my ex.......but my aim is improving.

My kid’s school gave me a used bumper sticker

‘cause he got into the regifted program.

What do old men and bumper stickers have in common?

They’re both hard to get off

Saw a bumper sticker that said: “who farted?”

About two cars later I saw another bumper sticker that said “Jesus is the answer “ I’ll take highway jeopardy for 500 Alex.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bumper sticker: I snatch kisses

and vice versa

I saw a bumper sticker today that said “War is NEVER the answer.”

And I thought, unless someone asked me to name the band that sings the song “Low Rider.”

I have a bumper sticker that says 'Honk if you love Trump'

So that everytime someone honks I can give them the finger.

If we can get Al Franken to run for President, with the Green Party candidate as his running mate, my bumper sticker would be...

Franken Stein 2020

I have a bumper sticker in Braille

If you can read this, you're driving too close.

Isis bumper sticker

I'd rather be heading.

I was driving home today and got stuck behind a car with a bumper sticker that said "Be an organ donor!"...

They were doing 20 in a 30.

I guess they aren't feeling that committed to the cause.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got a new bumper sticker the other day.

It says 'honk if you think I'm sexy.'

I've never felt so confident. I should probably stop waiting at green lights though.

The woman's bumper sticker claimed she was pro-life...

...but her reckless driving suggested otherwise.

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said "Work hard, Pray hard"....

I couldn't tell if there were Christians or Asians.

Heading to work this morning there was a car parked on the train tracks, with a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!"

That train engineer must have REALLY loved Jesus.

One Adam Twelve

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard.
Suddenly, the light turned yellow just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was ...

How do you tell if someone is a Trump supporter?

If their hat, shirt, bumper sticker, four flags on their car, license plate, the seven flags outside their house, and their personality doesn't tell you, I don't know what to say.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: Because of the-

Car driving by: HONK

Me: Because if the-

2nd car driving by: HONK

Me:

Cop:

Me: Because of the-

3rd car driving by:HOOONK

Me: Because of the “Honk if you think cops have micropenises’’ bumper sticker?

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a "Honk" if you love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A white man comes across a Native American lying with his ear pressed against the ground between a pair of tire tracks.

“What’s going on?” the white man asks.

“White Chevy Tahoe. Four door. License plate XPV 14785. Has a Coexist bumper sticker,” replies the Native American.

“Wow, you can tell all that from just listening to the ground?”

“No, you idiot! That’s what the asshole who hit me was drivi...

The Trump Administration is finally helping business succeed.

He helped a landscaping company succeed at hats, t-shirts and bumper sticker sales.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"You don't know Jack Schitt!"

Jack is the only son of O. Schitt and Awe Schitt. O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Schitt, the owner of Kneedeep N. Schitt, Inc.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt a...

Survivor: Texas Edition

Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled: "Survivor - Texas Edition".

The lucky contestants will all start in Dallas then drive a circuit to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, Houston, Brownsville, Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, Amarillo, Abilen...

The best way to disguise an undercover cop car

would be to put a Black Lives Matter bumper sticker on it. Nobody's gonna think thats a cop car now.

I parked in three different handicap parking spots last week. No ticket, and no dirty looks.

Apparently the "MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN" bumper sticker is accepted nation wide now.

Parking spot

Today I had to go to Lowe's. As I approached the entrance, I noticed a female driver looking for a parking space. I flagged the driver and pointed out a handicap parking space that was open and available.

The driver looked puzzled, rolled down her window and said, "I'm not handicapped!" Well...

[True Story]: I was following a semi-truck full of coffins...

I tried to get as close as possible to read the bumper sticker on the back. When I could finally see the writing, it read "Drive safely. Yours may be on this load."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TEXAS SURVIVOR

Texas is trying to capitalize on the popularity of the show "Survivor" by hosting its own version.

Contestants will have to drive from Amarillo and visit checkpoints in the following cities, Lubbock - Dallas - Waco - Austin - Houston - Laredo - San Antonio - El Paso and finish back in Amari...

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