This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Did you hear what happened to Brutus when he went to Mount Olive?

Popeye beat the shit out of him

Julius Caesar and Marcus Brutus were waiting at the airport for their flight.

Brutus: Hey Caesar, what's our boarding gate?
Caesar: A2, Brutus.

Brutus: When's the departure time for the flight?
Caesar: 8:02, Brutus.

Brutus: Are you hungry? Can we get some sandwiches?
Caesar: Ate two, Brutus.

Brutus: What size of paper are we transporting? ...

Julius Caesar and Brutus Walk Into a Movie Theater

Brutus looks at Caesar and says "Caesar, we should watch the movie sequel with the scary clown in it!"

Caesar ponders what Brutus is saying for a moment. "It Two, Brute?"

Tears stream down Brutusโ€™ face as he realizes what heโ€™s done. He feels the rodent tug his hair purposefully, and like a marionette he plunges the knife deeper into his old friendโ€™s back. Their eyes meet and Julius Caesar whispers his last words:

โ€œRat tu, touille?โ€

Caesar: Want to go see a movie? Brutus: Sure which one?

Caesar: It 2, Brute

Caesar and Brutus are sitting around one day...

And Brutus says to Caesar, "I'm bored! Let's go see a movie or something!"

Caesar replies, "That could be fun! What movie would you want to go see?"

Brutus responds, "Didn't they just come out with another movie about that killer clown? I can't remember the title though."

"It 2,...

Julius Caesar: โ€Brutus, thatโ€™s a very nice dagger, is it new?โ€

Brutus: โ€œThanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joeโ€™s.โ€

Archaeologists in Rome have recently come across the remains of Brutus.

After some careful measurements, they've found that his height was quite astonishing - he was 98 inches tall!

Caesar even once said to him, "*8' 2", Brute?*"

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Dishwasher Repair

Mrs. Lonefold's dishwasher quit working, so she called a repairman. She told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check.

P.S. Don't worry about my Rottweiler, Brutus.ย  He won't bother you.ย  But, whatever yo...

๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ก๐—ฎ๐—บ๐—ฒ'๐˜€ ๐—™๐—ผ๐—ป๐˜... ๐—–๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜€๐˜€๐—ถ๐—ฐ ๐—™๐—ผ๐—ป๐˜.

The year was 2020.

By some miracle, Julius Caesar woke up in his grave.

Yes, the same dude from Ancient Rome who got whacked by Brutus and his buddies.

The stab wounds on his back had healed and he was alive again.

He dug himself out of his grave and looked at himself in...

Went to a restaurant with Brutus

He wasn't keen on the Caesar. But he still et tu.

How does Brutus eat his salad?

With a knife and Caesar dressing.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A fat man goes to a unique Health Centre that advertises weight loss and sex.

Intrigued by the ad, he goes in and asks the receptionist what this is all about.
She replies 'Well sir, it's exactly as we said, we have several formula and you can lose weight and have sex'
'Oh my' he says 'Let me try the first option then'
'Fair enough, that will be the door on your l...

Contrary to popular myth, Caesar wasn't killed by the Roman senate. He died of a heart attack when he heard of Barcelona's spectacular loss. His last words were however accurate....

8-2, brutus?

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Hadrian's Wall

Hadrian is looking out from the wall and a Scotsman appears from behind a small hill and shouts up to him -

"One Scotsman can beat any Roman."

Hadrian says, "Brutus go & sort him out".

Brutus goes off and there's a clanging and clattering of swords - he doesn't come back....

Julius Caesar ordered pizza for the senate at Theatre of Pompey

Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?

Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...

Brutus: I ate 2 slices.

Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Julius Caesar....

Is offering his friends some delicious ancient roman pizza (because fuck logic, this is a joke). Everyone eats a single slice. Brutus sneakily eats another one.

Caesar catches him in the act and says

"Ate two, Brute?"

Once upon a time in ancient Rome...

...There lived 3 very important politicians. Brutus was a schemer, and a very ambitious man. No one trusted him, but everyone worked with him. Julius Caesar was unpopular with the politicians of Rome, but the people loved him. Julius was a consul of Rome. Marc Antony was the third politician in ques...

The Turkey, the Parrot and the In-laws

Martha had a parrot called Brutus, the only problem was that Brutus had a terrible issue with cursing.ย 

Now Martha was having her in-laws over for Thanksgiving, and so she needed to train Brutus quickly not to swear.

Just before her Mother-in-law was due Brutus cursed terribly, so Mar...

The Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin, was a great man.

He died the way he lived.

With animals in his heart.










[Full credit to u/Hairy_Cheeks](https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/3nil7q/18ft_crocodile_named_brutus_caught_and_ate_this/cvokdmg)

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