This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Had to shit

Just over halfway through the flight, all the coffee in my stomach feels like it's percolating its way down into my lower intestine. I hunker down and try and focus on other things. What feels like an hour, but probably isn't more than twenty minutes, passes. We then enter what turns out to be prett...

I'm about to be fired from a Sublime cover band...

I don't practice Santeria.

I've been trying to learn how to play Sublime songs on guitar...

I haven't made any progress yet because I don't practice Santeria.

Rick is sitting in his bar in Casablanca, enjoying the sublime beauty of geometry...

He raises his glass and says, "Here's looking at Euclid."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two friends go for a hike...

Two friends, Dave and Darren, go on an adventure hike which would last for months. Two months in they get a bit tired of each other and decide to split up for four days and rendezvous at a mutually known bar in a nearby town.

Four days later they meet up and are back in the groove. Dave goes...

Abraham Lincoln's favorite fart joke.

Well, there was a party once, not far from here, which was composed of ladies and gentlemen. A fine table was set and the people were greatly enjoying themselves. Among the crowd was one of those men who had audacity — was quick-witted, cheeky, and self-possessed — never off his guard on any occasio...

You know what I think of submissive citrus fruits.

They are sublime.

Instead of mistletoe, we should hang up green citrus fruits

so when you stand under them, you’ll feel sublime.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Linguists from France, Italy, and Germany were debating which language was the most beautiful.

The German representative was waving his hand frantically to be chosen to speak, when the French representative began to speak.

"French is certainly sublime. Consider the word Papillon. How could the word for butterfly be more beautiful than the butterfly itself”

The German is dying ...

The Meaning Of Life

A young man goes to search for the meaning of life. He decides to ask around.


The first person he meets is a wealthy man. "That's easy," he says. "The meaning of life is to accumulate wealth. Then you can transform and inspire your community." The young man takes this advice to heart. He ...

Lemons are not perfect

They’re just sublime

I've decided to rank fruits by how sour they are.

Pretty much all of them are sublime.

I've bought an underwater craft in a bright green colour.

It's sublime!

It's a shame The Beatles didn't make the submarine in that song green.

That would've been sublime.

What do you call the lowest fruit on a lime tree?

Sublime

I remember having a dry ice presentation in middle school.

It was sublime.

I was dared to eat a spoonful of dry ice.

It tasted sublime!

A joke from George Carlin,tucked away because of 9/11

The most striking thing about the show is that Carlin made a joke about Osama bin Laden and an exploding airplane. In a fashion typical of the comedian, who always passed easily between the corporeal and the sublime, it started as a fart joke. “These planes get flying so fast that all the most vicio...

Why does the yogi always meditate under the citrus tree?

It's a sublime spot

I have pretty strong opinions about citrus

I find the taste of lemons to be quite sublime

Two rabbis are at temple...

Two rabbis of great scholarly distinction are spending a quiet morning at Temple, enjoying peaceful contemplation in the near-empty building. Suddenly overwhelmed with spiritual exaltation, the first rabbi stands, and with his hands spread wide exclaimed, "Lord, I am nothing!", and with a deep brea...

Why do people like r/citrus?

It's sublime

Scientists have discovered a fantastic new shade of the colour green.

Its sublime

The Legend of the Man Who Went on Vacation to New Orleans

It can be assumed that the man had gone to many, many bars that night. By the time he had entered his fifth bar, he was definitely drunk.

The man decided that it was about time to use the bathroom, so he approached the bartender and asked the bartender politely, "Exchuze me... whre kn-I take...

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