Bloody Nose Jokes - 20 Hilarious Bloody Nose Jokes

A British man says "I've got a bloody nose!!!"

His friends reply "yeah, we all do".

A little boy came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing.

It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.
"Well, Dad," said the boy, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."
"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."

"I know, but ...

Why do kids get bloody noses more often than adults?

Sharpe fingernails!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday I hit my face on the door and yelled “I think I have a bloody nose!”

My British friend got upset and said “I know you have a nose dumbass.”

caution: high altitudes under certain conditions can cause a bloody nose

Like on Mt. Shasta I heard a guy saying, "I just wanted to show people that it's possible to do things like hiking and Crossfit on a vegan diet, and besides I needed something to do after I retired at 30 on my Bitcoin investments" so I punched him in the nose.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there's a farmer in his barn yard with a bull and a cow...

The farmer wants the bull to get his cow pregnant with a calf. The bull however is not interested in that at all and just wants to eat grass all day. The farmer gets the bright idea to try to get the bull feeling frisky himself. He takes his hand and shoves it into the cow's vagina. He then pulls it...

I missed work today because I pulled a groin

Not mine - someone else’s. He punched me and now I have a bloody nose.

Bull has Erectile Dysfunction

Farmer tells a veterinarian that his bull won’t mount the cows because of E.D. The vet says that’s easy to fix the vet walks over to a cow sticks his hand in the cow’s privates and takes his wet hand and rubs it over the nose of the bull. The bull immediately gets excited and mounts the cow. The sa...

An architect

An architect storms into the CEOs office holding a towel to his bloody nose. "Good God, man, what happened to you!?" the CEO exclaimed.

"Sir, the lead architect on the Legend project just punched me in the face for questioning his designs, which frankly are impossible. Take a look." The ar...

A health inspector is inspecting an office building

Inspector: And finally to check on how well this building is cleaned

10 minutes later, the inspector walks out of the building with a bloody nose.

Inspector: Well it's a nine out of ten overall. The bathrooms weren't the cleanest but all in all not too shabby at all.

And by the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The one about cows and erections

A cow herder goes to a vet one day looking for advice one day because he can't get his cows to mate and breed.

Man: Well doc, I've been trying all spring and summer and I haven't had any success.

Doc: Try this when you get home. Go up to the female cow and stick your thumb in her vagin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy can't get hard

He hasnt been able to have sex and its really starting to bother him.
He asks a friend what to do

Friend " I had the same problem"
Guy "what do I do?"
Friend "finger your wife before sex and sniff you fingers, the more you do the harder you will get."

That night the guy tries ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't ask...

So one fine day, a young boy is listening to the radio. He has very bad reception so the radio is sort of static, nevertheless, he catches something about a purple donut. His curiosity sparked, he meanders over to his mother and said, "Momma, what's a purple donut?" She then gets this wild look in h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to the doctor because he cannot get an erection...

The man says “Doctor, I’ve tried it all and can’t for the life of me get an erection. My wife and I are frustrated! Anything you can think of to help me out? I’ll try anything!” Doctor thinks for a few seconds and says “Well…this has worked for a few of my patients in the past. Doesn’t hurt to give ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's a joke about ED and cows.

So there's farmer, Who is having trouble getting his cows to reproduce. No matter how he tries, they just won't get busy.

So the man needs a cow expert, and consults the foremost cow scientist in the country. After an explanation of the problem, the expert tells him he needs to stick his han...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar with a black eye, sits down, and orders a drink.

Bartender: Geez, what happened to you?

Man: I was at church today, and when we all go up to sing, the girl in front of me had her dress tucked into her buttcrack. I didn't think she was comfortable, so I untucked i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar

And sees a huge sign behind the bar that says, "free drinks if you can complete the bar challenge". The man orders a beer and asks the bartender about the bar challenge. The bartender tells him that its a rigorous 3 step challenge that if you complete it you get all your drinks that night for free. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Win this jar of money!

A guys walks into a bar after a long day at work. On the bar, he see a jar full of money, all twenties. On it it says "Win this jar of Money! Just ask the Bartender." He asks, "Hey, what's up with this jar?"

"Oh, well you have three tasks I would need you to finish and you can win all that mo...

A man was sitting in a pub

As a man with a swollen eye and bloody nose walks up to the bar and gives the bartender a $50 bill.

Behind the bar he sees the bartender put the $50 bill in a large jar full of money and the man leaves.

He asks the bartender about the jar of money and the bartender says "oh that's th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Amish men want to sell part of their brood of chickens

So, they decide to make their way to the market in the center of a large town nearby.

The younger of the two men has never been outside their small community, and is subsequently very excited and also quite nervous.

Rather than taking a full horse and buggy, they decide to ride a don...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.