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What do you call an alcoholic Doctor Who monster?

A Ciderman

A guy sees his Doctor who tells him he has really low magnesium in his blood

The guy says 0Mg

What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?

A URL-ologist.

What do you call a doctor who failed med school ?

Dentist.

Did you hear about the doctor who does circumcisions on commission?

He works for tips

A young doctor had moved to a small town to replace a doctor who was retiring.

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so that the community would become used to their new doctor.

At the first house a woman complains, “I've been a little sick to my stomach.”


The older doctor says, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the fre...

What do you call the doctor who graduates at the bottom of the class?

Doctor

I think the doctor who amputated my legs is the best doctor in the world,

but I admit I'm partial.

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A story is told that in the mid 1990s, two men go to visit a doctor who is acclaimed for his ability to treat melancholia.

"We can’t eat, we can’t sleep,” say the men. “We feel contantly miserable. Please help us, doctor.”

“Laughter is the best medicine, my friends,” says the doctor. “Take yourself off to The Gathering of the Juggalos, where you will find Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope of the Insane Clown Posse perf...

When my daughter Ria turned 4, she was so crazy with happiness, I took her to the doctor who said:

Euphoria

What do you call an overweight kidney doctor who can also predict the weather?

A meaty-urologist

Did you ever hear about the doctor who was so obsessed with body building that it killed him?

I think his name was Frankenstein.

What do you call an Egyptian doctor who fixes back problems?

A Cairo-practor!

TIL a doctor who specializes in Adam’s apples is a...

guyneckologist

What gaming projectile was thrown by John Barrowman’s “Doctor Who” character to pass the time while he was traveling along the Congo River?

The Dart of Harkness.

Did you hear about the doctor who was studying ways of making people laugh?

He was known for his test tickles.

Did you hear about the Doctor who messed up the circumcision badly?

He quickly got the sack.

What do you call a doctor who drinks a lot of soda?

A fizz-ician (physician)

I made this Doctor Who joke myself.

A doctor who isn’t bound by the causal nature of linear joke telling!

(Wait for it.)

Knock knock...

What do you call a doctor who is half-human, half-horse?

The Centaur for Disease Control and Prevention

If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Sci Fi is Doctor Who. But if I'm being completely objective...

I'd say it's Doctor Whom.

^*Edit: ^As ^a ^few ^have ^astutely ^pointed ^out, ^the ^character's ^name ^is ^just ^"The ^Doctor"; ^I ^should ^have ^said ^"the ^greatest ^sci ^fi ^show ^is ^Doctor ^Who" ^instead ^of ^"greatest ^hero ^in ^sci ^fi". ^Thankfully ^the ^dumb ^joke ^still ^works ^in ^t...

A friend of mine finally started watching Doctor Who, after years of not even knowing what the show is about

It’s about time

Why can Doctor Who never help himself out in the past?

It would make a pair of docs.

What do you call a doctor who eats his vegetables?

A cannibal.

DOCTOR WHO: I have a time machine.

**DOCTOR WHOM:** the time machine is owned by me.

>!**DOCTOR WHOMST:** the time apparatus hereby hath mine name.!<

I’m so glad Doctor Who is back.

It’s about time.

If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Science Fiction is "Doctor Who."

But if I'm being completely objective... I'd say it's "Doctor Whom."

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Once, in a faraway land, there was this doctor who was a professional trickster...

This doctor was quite popular, but he had a big, bad secret; he deceives people. How? Well, let's just say a patient walks into his office with an illness. The doctor, after doing some checkups, gives his prescription for a medicine, which he even gives for free. It turns out, however, that the medi...

What’s the greatest sci-fi show? Well subjectively it’s doctor who

But objectively it’s doctor whom

If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery..

I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

What do you call a medical doctor who is on-call?

An oncologist

A man had been feeling sick for several days. Finally he decided to try a new doctor who had just moved into town...

After hearing the man's symptoms and listening to his belly with a stethoscope the doctor told him that he had a tapeworm. ''Oh, is that bad? How can I get rid of it?'' asked the man. ''Come in tomorrow and bring a hard boiled egg and a oreo cookie,'' said the doctor. When he saw a puzzled look cros...

What do you call an Indian doctor who likes telling dad jokes and give flu shots?

Pun-Jabby

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There's a doctor who goes around my neighbourhood handing out body parts...

...he gives me the willies.

A doctor who was proud of his degrees...

always had them hanging in his office. His BS in Biology, PhD in Microbiology, and his MD were framed and hung behind him.

One day his clinic caught fire and he was caught inside the burning building. They were finally able to pull his unconscious body from the rubble and rushed him to the em...

Doctor Who is a terrible procrastinator.

He leaves everything for earlier.

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant.

This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions.

She replies, “Well, I’m a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?”

The doctor answered, “Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it’s difficult to desc...

Did you hear about the doctor who fell into a well?

He should have been attending to the sick and left the well alone.

A doctor who ran his clinic out of a shopping center was shut down this week...

He was sued for mall-practice.

I found a doctor who would give me a discount on my son’s circumcision.

It was a ripoff.

How can I pay my compliments to the doctor who circumcised me?

I just feel like leaving a tip wasn't enough.

What do you call a Doctor who says they’ll never share your personal medical information with others, but does?

A HIPAAcrite.

Did you hear that Doctor Who plays baseball?

Who’s on first base.

What do you call an animal doctor who formerly served in the German army?

A Veteran Aryan Veterinarian.

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[OP] Stevie Wonder is visited by a doctor who says that her experimental new procedure can cure his blindness.

Stevie says, "I've lived a great life so far, but it would be wonderful to see again some time before I go." The doctor tells him the procedure is very unorthodox, but Stevie tells her to go ahead and give it a try.

"Ok" she says, "it sounds strange, but for the procedure to work, you will h...

Why doesn't Doctor Who travel with United Airlines?

Because the tardis is faster.

Yeah, you were expecting a joke about that doctor who got kicked off the United Airlines flight, but you were wrong.

WRONG!!!

Doctor who?

Doctor: relax Peter, its just a small cut with a scalpel, don't be nervous.
Patient: I'm not Peter.
Doctor: i know, I'm Peter.

There was once a doctor who tried to prove that mainly blood was kept in bones,

But alas it twas in vein.

The doctor who performed my lobotomy operation did a lousy job.

I have half a mind to tell him so.

Doctor Who was still hungry after dinner....

So he went back four seconds.

Did you hear about the episode concept for Doctor Who where The Doctor accidentally falls into a food themed alternative dimension?

He was attacked by The Garlics

The Pope is a lot like Doctor Who

He never dies, just keeps being replaced by white men.

Did you hear about the doctor who sent a group of crows to a mental health institution?

He committed a murder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the doctor who fucked a zoo animal?

He was charged with a HIPPO violation

[Doctor Who themed] Why was Sylvester McCoy afraid of Paul McGann

Because McGann Hurt Eccleston

What's the difference between Doctor Who and Facebook?

When the Doctor changes the timeline, it's usually for a good reason.

Did you hear about the Eye Doctor who changed professions to become a comedian?

He made a spectacle of himself.

.

ok its bad. Apologies in advance.

Did you hear about the doctor who went into their waiting room and started screaming at everyone?

He lost all his patients

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Why was the patient angry at the doctor who wanted his urine sample?

He was taking the piss

Did you hear about the doctor who permanently lost his license JUST for sleeping with one of his patients?!?

He was a great veterinarian.

How can you know if somebody watches Doctor Who?

They'll make sure you know.

What do you call a doctor who studies tumors on an as-needed basis?

An oncallogist

Today I learned about the doctor who tried to create a super drug that would cure all sicknesses, but it was too big.

It was a tough pill to swallow

Did you hear about the Doctor who fell down the well?

He was taking a break at work and leaned too far over a well and fell right in! Guess he should have tended to the sick and left the well alone.

Did you hear about the doctor who killed anyone over 15 stone?

He was a mass murderer.

There is a doctor who works with geriatric patients at a rest home.

The first patient comes in and the doctor asks "what's 3 times 3?" The patient responds, "810,958." The doctor jots this down and goes on to the next patient. "What's 3 times 3?" He asks. The second patient replies with "Tuesday." The doctor jots this down and moves on to the 3rd patient. He asks hi...

What do you call a doctor who is trained in neurosurgery and is covering for a gynecologist?

A pervert.

Pepito was the dumbest kid in his classroom…

Pepito wasn’t a very bright kid. He often failed his tests and annoyed his teachers. One day, his teacher, Ms.Emily, told him he had one last chance to do well. Pepito took a test, but inevitable failed. Ms.Emily expelled him from school and told him he was the dumbest kid she had ever met. She made...

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A New Suit

Joe was a successful lawyer, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his career and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across an old country doctor who solved the problem....

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Premature Ejaculation,,,

A man was having a problem with premature ejaculation, so he went to the doctor.

The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."

That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife.
...

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Two snakes bump into each other after a long time

After intial pleasantries one snake confesses that he is struggling with his failing eyesight.

The other snake suggests an eye doctor who he is sure can help the other snake improve his eye sight. They exchange addresses and part ways.

After few weeks they bump into one another again.<...

Late

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat, th...

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Visit to a hospital

A wealthy woman was being shown around a hospital.

During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

\- "Oh My God!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful, why is he doing that?"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained,

\-...

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A boy had been born with no arms, no legs, and no torso; just a head.

Needless to say, life was tough for the little fella. His parents; wonderful people; would take him everywhere. They would feed and care for him as best they could. They traveled the world looking for a doctor who could help their little boy in any way. But for many years, they got only regretful re...

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A man, getting along in years, finds that he is unable to perform sexually

He goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work.



Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man.



The medicine man says, "I can cure this, but you can use this powerful healing only once a year! All you have to do is say...

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A husband and wife..

Are at the doctor's together while the husband is getting some tests done. When the results are in, they are both sat before the doctor who asks the husband to leave while he speaks to his wife.

"Madame, your husband has a very rare condition that will ultimately result in his death. However,...

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Almond Daiquiri

So there’s a doctor who would regularly go to the pub that was directly next to the hospital that he worked at. After some time, he got on first name terms with the barman, his name was Dick and Dick would always prepare the Doctor’s favourite drink before he would arrive, an almond daiquiri.
Th...

Two men were at a wake

Two men, Bill and Ed, were at a wake, and got to chatting with each other. Bill said:


\- You know what, I pity that cousin of mine.


Ed asked:


\- Why?


Bill told him:


\- Because that's the third wife of his who has died.


Ed ...

Seven wise men, with knowledge so fine, made something special of their design.

The first was a butcher, all full of wit. With some meat and a knife, he made a small slit.

The second, a blacksmith, quite strong and quite bold, hit the slit with a hammer and made a hole.

The third was a tailor, quite tall and quite thin. With a piece of red ribbon, he lined it with...

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