A guy sees his Doctor who tells him he has really low magnesium in his blood

The guy says 0Mg

What gaming projectile was thrown by John Barrowman’s “Doctor Who” character to pass the time while he was traveling along the Congo River?

The Dart of Harkness.

What is a doctor who specializes in Adam's apples called.

A guyneckologist.

Did you hear about the Doctor who messed up the circumcision badly?

He quickly got the sack.

What do you call an overweight kidney doctor who can also predict the weather?

A meaty-urologist

A friend of mine finally started watching Doctor Who, after years of not even knowing what the show is about

It’s about time

What do you call an Egyptian doctor who fixes back problems?

A Cairo-practor!

Did you hear about the doctor who was studying ways of making people laugh?

He was known for his test tickles.

A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring

The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.



At the first house a woman complains, “I’ve been a little sick to my stomach.”



The older doctor says, “Well, you’ve probably been overdoing the...

What do you call a doctor who is half-human, half-horse?

The Centaur for Disease Control and Prevention

I made this Doctor Who joke myself.

A doctor who isn’t bound by the causal nature of linear joke telling!

(Wait for it.)

Knock knock...

What do you call a doctor who drinks a lot of soda?

A fizz-ician (physician)

Why can Doctor Who never help himself out in the past?

It would make a pair of docs.

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Guy goes to his doctor who runs some tests and comes back "I'm afraid you have cancer and you only have 6 months to live"

The guy asks "are you sure? Is there anything I can do?

The doctor says "We've run all the tests twice and we're quite certain. However, you might want to go over to UC Berkeley and enroll in Professor Hoffman's CS357 computer science class."

This guy is puzzled "Will that help me li...

DOCTOR WHO: I have a time machine.

**DOCTOR WHOM:** the time machine is owned by me.

>!**DOCTOR WHOMST:** the time apparatus hereby hath mine name.!<

What is Doctor Who's least favorite ingredient?

GARLEK.

Did you hear about the doctor who yelled at everyone in the waiting room?

He lost his patients

What do you call an Indian doctor who likes telling dad jokes and give flu shots?

Pun-Jabby

What do you call a medical doctor who is on-call?

An oncologist

If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Science Fiction is "Doctor Who."

But if I'm being completely objective... I'd say it's "Doctor Whom."

What’s the greatest sci-fi show? Well subjectively it’s doctor who

But objectively it’s doctor whom

I’m so glad Doctor Who is back.

It’s about time.

If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Sci Fi is Doctor Who. But if I'm being completely objective...

I'd say it's Doctor Whom.

^*Edit: ^As ^a ^few ^have ^astutely ^pointed ^out, ^the ^character's ^name ^is ^just ^"The ^Doctor"; ^I ^should ^have ^said ^"the ^greatest ^sci ^fi ^show ^is ^Doctor ^Who" ^instead ^of ^"greatest ^hero ^in ^sci ^fi". ^Thankfully ^the ^dumb ^joke ^still ^works ^in ^t...

I found a doctor who would give me a discount on my son’s circumcision.

It was a ripoff.

What do you call a Doctor who says they’ll never share your personal medical information with others, but does?

A HIPAAcrite.

If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery..

I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

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Once, in a faraway land, there was this doctor who was a professional trickster...

This doctor was quite popular, but he had a big, bad secret; he deceives people. How? Well, let's just say a patient walks into his office with an illness. The doctor, after doing some checkups, gives his prescription for a medicine, which he even gives for free. It turns out, however, that the medi...

What do you call a doctor who eats his vegetables?

A cannibal.

A doctor who ran his clinic out of a shopping center was shut down this week...

He was sued for mall-practice.

A man had been feeling sick for several days. Finally he decided to try a new doctor who had just moved into town...

After hearing the man's symptoms and listening to his belly with a stethoscope the doctor told him that he had a tapeworm. ''Oh, is that bad? How can I get rid of it?'' asked the man. ''Come in tomorrow and bring a hard boiled egg and a oreo cookie,'' said the doctor. When he saw a puzzled look cros...

What is Doctor Who's favourite bread?

Dalek Bread

A doctor who was proud of his degrees...

always had them hanging in his office. His BS in Biology, PhD in Microbiology, and his MD were framed and hung behind him.

One day his clinic caught fire and he was caught inside the burning building. They were finally able to pull his unconscious body from the rubble and rushed him to the em...

Doctor Who is a terrible procrastinator.

He leaves everything for earlier.

How can I pay my compliments to the doctor who circumcised me?

I just feel like leaving a tip wasn't enough.

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[OP] Stevie Wonder is visited by a doctor who says that her experimental new procedure can cure his blindness.

Stevie says, "I've lived a great life so far, but it would be wonderful to see again some time before I go." The doctor tells him the procedure is very unorthodox, but Stevie tells her to go ahead and give it a try.

"Ok" she says, "it sounds strange, but for the procedure to work, you will h...

Did you hear that Doctor Who plays baseball?

Who’s on first base.

I don’t understand Doctor Who

I don’t watch Doctor Who, but I heard a few things here and there. Doctor Who is a guy who lives forever and robots called Daleks are trying to kill him.

What I don’t understand is why don’t these Daleks just go to his house and try to kill him? I mean... I don’t watch the show and even I kno...

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant.

This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions.

She replies, “Well, I’m a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?”

The doctor answered, “Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy and besides, it’s difficult to desc...

What do you call an animal doctor who formerly served in the German army?

A Veteran Aryan Veterinarian.

Doctor who?

Doctor: relax Peter, its just a small cut with a scalpel, don't be nervous.
Patient: I'm not Peter.
Doctor: i know, I'm Peter.

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There's a doctor who goes around my neighbourhood handing out body parts...

...he gives me the willies.

Did you hear about the doctor who fell into a well?

He should have been attending to the sick and left the well alone.

The Pope is a lot like Doctor Who

He never dies, just keeps being replaced by white men.

Why doesn't Doctor Who travel with United Airlines?

Because the tardis is faster.

Yeah, you were expecting a joke about that doctor who got kicked off the United Airlines flight, but you were wrong.

WRONG!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the doctor who fucked a zoo animal?

He was charged with a HIPPO violation

[Doctor Who themed] Why was Sylvester McCoy afraid of Paul McGann

Because McGann Hurt Eccleston

What do you call a doctor who graduates at the bottom of their class?

Doctor

There was once a doctor who tried to prove that mainly blood was kept in bones,

But alas it twas in vein.

The doctor who performed my lobotomy operation did a lousy job.

I have half a mind to tell him so.

Doctor Who was still hungry after dinner....

So he went back four seconds.

Did you hear about the episode concept for Doctor Who where The Doctor accidentally falls into a food themed alternative dimension?

He was attacked by The Garlics

Did you hear about the doctor who sent a group of crows to a mental health institution?

He committed a murder.

Did you hear about the doctor who permanently lost his license JUST for sleeping with one of his patients?!?

He was a great veterinarian.

Did you hear about the Eye Doctor who changed professions to become a comedian?

He made a spectacle of himself.

.

ok its bad. Apologies in advance.

What is the Doctor from Doctor Who's preferred console?

_Wiiii U_

da-da-da-dum, da-da-da-dum

da-da-da-dum, da-da-da-dum

_Wiiii U_, Wii-ii-ii U…

Today I learned about the doctor who tried to create a super drug that would cure all sicknesses, but it was too big.

It was a tough pill to swallow

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was the patient angry at the doctor who wanted his urine sample?

He was taking the piss

What's the difference between Doctor Who and Facebook?

When the Doctor changes the timeline, it's usually for a good reason.

What do you call a doctor who studies tumors on an as-needed basis?

An oncallogist

Did you hear about the Doctor who fell down the well?

He was taking a break at work and leaned too far over a well and fell right in! Guess he should have tended to the sick and left the well alone.

How can you know if somebody watches Doctor Who?

They'll make sure you know.

Did you hear about the doctor who killed anyone over 15 stone?

He was a mass murderer.

What do you call a doctor who is trained in neurosurgery and is covering for a gynecologist?

A pervert.

There is a doctor who works with geriatric patients at a rest home.

The first patient comes in and the doctor asks "what's 3 times 3?" The patient responds, "810,958." The doctor jots this down and goes on to the next patient. "What's 3 times 3?" He asks. The second patient replies with "Tuesday." The doctor jots this down and moves on to the 3rd patient. He asks hi...

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Good news and bad news

A guy gets a call from a hospital and finds out his wife was in a terrible automobile accident.... When he gets to the hospital he is greeted by a doctor who says, “Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news regarding your wife.....”

“Let’s start with the bad news....”

“Sir, I’m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Premature Ejaculation Problem

A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor. The doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his wife. That night the two were ha...

So this woman had some heart troubles….

She went to see her doctor who prescribed testosterone.

About a month later she returns for a checkup. Doctor asks her how she’s been. She says: "Fine, but I have some unexpected hairgrowth in unusual places."
Doc says: "really? Like where?"

She says: "at my balls"…

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman couldn’t get a date and went to a doctor.

He couldn’t find anything wrong with her, so he sent her to another. She ended up going to several before one of them sent her to a Chinese doctor who was known to be able to diagnose anything.

When she went in, she explained that she was single, didn’t think she was too bad looking, but coul...

Knock knock

Who's there?

Doctor.

Doctor who?

(In david tennents accent) Actually just "the doctor" is fine.

So, I was talking to my British friend.

I told him that I started watching some British TV. The name of what I saw was on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t exactly remember what it was.

He told me to describe it and I said, “you know, the one with the doctor.”

“Oh Doctor Who?”

“No, Dr No!”

“Oh, thanks but I’...

Retiring Dr.

A doctor who delivered thousands of babies over his career is finally retiring. He had an odd habit but whenever he circumcised a baby boy he would throw the foreskin in a large gallon jar of formaldehyde. As he is cleaning out his office there sits this large Jar and he begins to think "What can I...

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Man has suffered severe headaches since his teenage years.

Man has suffered severe headaches since his teenage years. He is now in his 30s still suffering terrible headaches. Doctors have run every test known, tried every medicine but still the headaches continue.

Eventually the man finds himself another doctor who after a thorough examination tells ...

Man blind from birth hears about a new surgery to restore his sight

A man blind from birth hears about new surgery that can give him sight. He goes to the doctor who tells him he can do the surgery. He asks if being able to see will have any negative impacts on his life.

"Well," the doctor says. "You won't be able to maintain an erection."

"Is that a c...

A man contracted a rare STD...

He finally went to the hospital to get his manhood examined.

He nervously took off his pants, "Doctor, what is wrong with me? It's been getting more and more painful down there."

After close examination, the doctor said in a grim voice, "I'm afraid we have to perform surgery to have ...

Castration

Jack goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want to be castrated."

Doc: "I can't do that! We only do something that extreme if it's an emergency."

Jack: "I've thought about this and I want it done. If you're not going to do it, I'll find another doctor who will!"

Doc:...

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A woman was pregnant with triplets.

A women was pregnant with triplets.
One day she goes into this bank as it was being held up. She gets shot 3 times in her stomach, but luckily she lives.
She goes to the doctor who tells her her children will be all right, one day the bullets will come out.
So 13 years later, one triplet, ...

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A joke my dad told me

So one day a man gets into a bad car crash and wakes up a week later in the hospital. The doctor says “I have some good news and some bad news, bad news is you lost your penis in the crash, the good news is there is an African doctor who can replace it with an elephant trunk, and seeing your situati...

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