A sailor is stranded on a desert island with nothing but palm fronds and sea anemones to live off. Finally when he was recused the rescuers asked why was he covered in anemones with a ring of palm fronds in arms reach. He replies, 'I keep my fronds close but my anemones closer'.

'With fronds like that, who needs anemones?'

For Palm Sunday Sister Agnes wanted to bring a lovely bouquet of anemones.

However, the sanctuary was already decorated with palm branches. The pastor said, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"

Why did the barracuda want to hire the clown fish's anemone?

Because the barracuda believed that "anemone of my enemy is a friend."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Marine Biologist

My uncle is a marine biologist who grew up in Kansas. He moved to Los Angeles for grad school and never left. His first real job was as a lab tech at USC, where he spent several years before stumbling into a part-time instructor job, which he finally parlayed into a tenured faculty position. The wor...

When should you be afraid of an underwater plant?

When it’s anemone

had a great swim along the beach in Bali

perfect visibility and tons of coral.

I saw a colorful but scary looking thing attached to a rock and waving in the gentle current. I thought to myself: "is it a friend, or anemone?"

What happened when the clown-fish tried to fast travel?

You cannot fast travel when anemone is nearby.

Um, there's a mollusk, see?

All right, I know one joke. Um, there's a mollusk, see?

And he walks up to a sea, well he doesn't walk up, he swims up. Well, actually the mollusk isn't moving. He's in one place and then the sea cucumber, well they... I mixed up. There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber. None of them were walk...

Where do drunk sea flowers go?

Alcoholics Anemones.

What do you call a friendly immobile sea creature that offers you food and lodging?

An amenable anemone with amenities.

If we were at war with sea urchins from Yemen...

... we would have enemy Yemeni anemones.

Two fish are in a tank...

...And one fish says "you man the guns, I'l drive!"

(laugh track)

Suddenly, the fish points to the horizon and says "What is that over there?" The other fish then exclaims "That's anemone! I can sea him!"

Last minute anniversary gift (x-post from r/cleanjokes)

A devoted husband has made it a tradition to buy his beautiful wife beautiful flora for their anniversary. Though his plant of choice is not roses nor tulips, but her favorite: anemone

Alas, there was no anemone in stock this year at the local nursery.

"What else can I buy my wife for ...

What advice did the clown fish give?

Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.

A man wanted Valentine's Day to be..

A man wanted Valentine's Day to be special, so he bought a bottle of absinthe and stopped by the florist's to order a bouquet of his wife's favorite flower: white anemones.
Unfortunately, the florist was sold out of flowers and had only a few stems of feathery ferns.
The man asked the florist ...

I wanted to be friends with...

Hoping to become friends, I started talking to a sea anemone. After a couple minutes of talking, I asked him about his family, and he became hostile.

It was a touchy topic.

*Edit: spelling (anemone).
Thanks, u/OmnipotentDog! (How did you know?)

The metamorphosis

One day, Franz Kafka's sister goes to wake her brother up only to discover that overnight, he has transformed into a giant hideous bug. Terrified, she calls out "Mother! Mother! Come quick. Look at what has happened to Franz!"

Her mother rushes to her son's bedroom only to see him transforme...

So there's this mollusk

And he walks up to the sea cucumber and he says, "With knees like these, who needs anemones!"

...it's like what the mussel said to the clam...

“I wouldn't wish that on an anemone!"

I thought the sea urchin was my friend

but it was anemone.

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