UPJOKE
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7000 Jokes

Why did the Dragonborn climb the 7000 steps?

He wanted to see what all the Fus was about.

(Credit to a youtube comment i saw)

A woman finds 7000 dollars and 4 eggs hidden in the closet..

.. and she instantly goes after her husband to ask him what the hell is that doing there. The husband explains it:

"Well, honey, everytime you annoy me, I put an egg there."

"And what about the 7000 dollars?"

"That's because everytime I complete a dozen eggs, I sell them."

What's been in the works for 7000 days and has barely made any progress?

Me

If you think you are nothing and worthless, please dont

Your kindeys and your lungs are worth $7000. You can sell me your organs at any time

Three contractors bid to fix a fence at 10 Downing Street...

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at 10 Downing Street. One is from up North another is from Poland, and the third is a Tory Party Donor. All three go with a Tory Party official to examine the fence.

The contractor from up north takes out a tape measure and does some measuri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke my dad, who is Polish, tells me all the time so I'm convinced it must be real funny

It is the cold war and there is a global military convention where each military boasts how their army is the best. After a long day of watching each country's army marching with their strongest and most masculine men, the generals sit down in the banquet hall. An American, German, and Soviet genera...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man is sitting on the couch watching TV until he gets a phone call...

The man says, “Hello sir, This is Bill from the IRS, we need you to come in at 9am tomorrow to discuss some large amounts of money coming into your account.”

“Ok, I’ll be there.”

“Thank you, see you tomorrow.”

The old man thought to himself, “I probably need a lawyer, huh?”...

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