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Ulysses Jokes

What was my reaction when my Lit professor asked me to read "Ulysses" a second time?

I reJoyced!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the similarity between having sex with a hot German girl and James Joyce's Ulysses?

I fall asleep before they finish.

I once asked an Irish builder if he knew the difference between a joist and a girder

“Of course I do”, he replied. “One wrote Ulysses, the other wrote Faust.”

PSA for expecting parents

The name you give your child will follow them throughout their entire life, so choose carefully. Think of how it will be made into nicknames and how other people will say it.

Oh, and don't forget about the initials.

Sincerely,

Anna Nichole Amber Lewis and Clive Ulysses Mansfiel...

My dad is always telling people I’m Useless

I’ve told him at least 100 times, it’s pronounced Ulysses

A famous scientist developed a formula to bring statues to life.

...... He went to a local park to try it out on a statue of Gen. Ulysses Grant.

After application, Gen Grant began to move and soon was completely alive.

The scientist asked, "What's the first thing you'll do, General?"

The general answered while drawing his pistol "I'm going ...

Paddy's first day on the job

A bunch of Englishmen see that it's an Irishman's first day on a construction site. Deciding to mess with him, they go "Hey, Paddy, since it's your first day, we want to know if you know your stuff. What's the difference between a joist and a girder?"

Paddy thinks for a moment before sayi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dad, is Santa real?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the popul...

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