UPJOKE
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Tm Jokes

The Saucer

TM: the man
SO: shop owner

Outside a shop, a man sees a cat drinking from a saucer. He notices that the cat is drinking from a very rare, silve saucer. He goes inside and says

TM "I'll buy that cat for 2$"

SO"Thats my cat, he's not for sale" the shop owner replies.

TM...

A telemarketer calls a family’s home phone

A little girl picks up and whispers “hello?”

TM- “Oh hello little girl, are your mommy or daddy home?”

LG- (chuckles, then whispers) “yes they both are, but they’re busy and can’t talk right now.”

TM- “Oh, okay… is there another adult I can speak with?”

LG- (whispers) yea...

Bobby Kotick walks into a bar

and orders an 18 year old whiskey.

The bartender pours him a 1 year old whiskey.

Kotick says, "But I ordered 18 year old whiskey!"

The bartender says, "To get 18 year old whiskey, you have to pay the farming fee, the harvesting fee and the aging fee. You also have to purchase a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tribesmen goes to his local Witch Doctor

TM: "I have a problem, i think i have that HIV thing that the villagers keep talking about"

WD: "What makes you think that? pretty sure the only cases so far are from the monkeys"

TM: "Im sure of it"

WD: "OK, well you must have been eating the monkeys then, you know it's against...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The only clean joke Michael Caine could think of to tell the Queen.

I remember this joke from a TV interview I saw with Michael Caine about 20 years ago, and it's stuck with me:


A telemarketer calls a house and a little girl answers the phone:

Little girl (LG): \*quiet voice* *"Hello?"*

Telemarketer (TM) "Hello there and good day, would you ...

The Queen created a beautiful design that I decided to put on a shirt

One day, the Queen of The United Kingdoms designed a beautiful new crest for the royal family and seeing it, I saw an opportunity for profit and began selling t-shirts with the design printed on them thinking that the royal family wouldn't mind.

After several very angry calls from the royal f...

I'm happier and healthier now that I've lost 180 pounds (81.6 kg) of ugly fat!

Thanks Divorce^TM !

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