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Soccer Game Jokes

“Grandpa, grandpa! I’m watching a soccer game!”

Grandpa: “Who’s playing?”

Grandson: “Austria-Hungary”

Grandpa: “Against who?”

They should end soccer games with an art competition.

That way it would be win, lose or draw.

My boyfriend made a save in a soccer game.

That's how I knew he was a keeper.

I watched a soccer game that ended in a 1-1 draw...

No 1-1

Wife says to her husband: "Choose, either me or the soccer game!"

He responds: "Give me 90 minutes to think."

Did you hear the score of the England vs Ethiopia soccer game?

England 8. Ethiopia didn't

After my son’s soccer game, the goalkeeper invited him and I for a party afterwards.

It was the father, the son, and the goalie host.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Loosing my virginity was a lot like my first soccer game...

very mediocre, but at least my mom *came*.

*edit: \*Losing*

Three generations apart, watching a soccer game

"Hey great grandpa, watch this soccer game!"

"Sure, which two countries are playing?"

"Austria - Hungary."

"Against who?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During the late thirties the Nazi party hosted a friendly soccer game versus England. The Nazi's star goalkeeper was Hans Bratvender.

Late in the game Hans, overcome with Nationalist pride, turned to face the Chancellor's private box, stood to attention and gave a Nazi salute.

At that moment, the English forward kicked from outside the goal crease, and scored what would be the winning goal.

When asked later to explai...

I was watching an international soccer game, and suddenly an Iranian player ran into the stands to beat up a spectator.

Then the Shiite hit the fan.

Satan and St. Peter decided to hold a soccer game in paradise...

Satan and St. Peter decided to hold a soccer game in paradise. It was to be hell versus heaven.

When everything had been arranged, St. Peter said to Satan, "Look, I can't be dishonest with you. There is no way that your side can win. All soccer players are simple, pure people and when they di...

What's the end result of a soccer game between Jamaica and Ethiopia?

Half the grass is smoked and the other half is eaten.

Man! Did anyone else see the result of the Egypt vs Ethopia soccer game?

Egypt: 8.

Ethopia: Didn't.

I made a time machine to travel back to the year 2001. You see my son had his first soccer game then, and I missed it only to show up 10 minutes after it ended.

When I go back to the past I'll tell myself that it isn't worth ditching work for and that the little dumbass loses the game anyways.

Dentist

A man came to dentist to check his teeth. After the examination the dentist said that everything was alright, but asked the man for a favor.

\- No problem. What favor?

\- Could you please now start screaming at the top of your lungs?

\- But why? I feel no pain, and you say all i...

A grandma asks her grandson if he'd like to go shopping with her.

The grandson responds "Not now, Grandma, I'm watching a soccer game!"


"Oh, really? Who's playing?"


"Czechs on Slovakia!"


"Against who?"

I lost 20 pounds

Bet an Englishman on a soccer game and choose the wrong team.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Tale of Kevin Bopper

Back in high school there was this kid named Kevin Bopper. He was... strange, to say the least. He was that quiet kid with long, greasy, dandruff-ridden hair, a face full of acne, and wore a leather jacket- you know the type. The thing that made him stand out, however, was his weird fixation on traf...

How did the drunk Irish man lose 30$?

He bet 10$ on the soccer game and 20$ on the replay.

Lame joke of the day.

Why did the turkey get ejected from the soccer game?

He had tripped a fan.

They thought he knew

It was Sunday and Billy woke up excited to go to his first soccer game. He took his time making sure he had all his equipment and went to go ask his mom to drive him to his game. Unfortunately, Billy's mom was still asleep. He woke up his mom, but since she was taking a while, Billy told his mom tha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Arab brothers meet in Lebanon

They have a conversation in which they agree that they are both quite wealthy and that to lead better lives they should move to America with their families.

They decide to move to New York with their wives and children and meet up in Central Park. The first brother says to the second one: ...

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