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Sergei Jokes

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What do you call a homosexual Russian knight?

Sergei

Nikolia, Sergei, and Alexander are in a Soviet era Gulag together when Sergei asks

Sergei: So what did you two do to end up here?

Alexander: I was always early for work, so the government accused me of espionage and sent me here.

Nikolia: I was always late for work so I had to work later to make up for lost time. The government accused me of sabotage and sent me here...

I have a friend named Sergei

He was knighted

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Russian foreign minister, Sergei Lavrov said yesterday that Adolf Hitler had Jewish roots. Historians replied...

"Oooh, So that's why he killed himself..."

Sergei was walking his 2 dogs.

Someone asked their names.
Sergei replied Omega and Rolex.
The person said he has never heard such names for dogs.
Sergei replied that they were Watch dogs.

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Sergei and Vladimir are standing in a long line outside a Soviet butcher shop.

The butcher comes out, looks at the long line, and yells, “We don’t have enough for all of you today! All the Jews, get out of the line and go home!”

After another hour of waiting, the butcher comes out again and looks at the line. He yells, “We don’t have enough for all of you! If you’re not...

Boris turns to his friend Sergei and says, “I see you have been doing the Instagram and Twitters.”

Yes, I’ve gotten quite good. I am what you call a Socialist, no?” Replies Sergei.
“Sergei no, no. That is not Socialist. Soci-“
Sergei interrupted “Yes I am going professional on social media’s. I am Socialist.”
“Yes, your on the Twitter and Instagrams.” Reassured Boris.
Yes, Sergei nodd...

Putin is having a meeting in the Kremlin with his generals on the war in Ukraine.

When the meeting concludes, Sergei Shoigu, Minister of Defense is the first one to step out. As he does so, he mutters under his breath, "wily little prick". However, he is heard by Putin's secretary who immediately reports to his boss. Putin orders Shoigu to be brought back.

When he's back i...

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Three guys apply for CIA

Jon, Sergei and Steve apply for CIA.
They pass all qualifications and come to the last one.
They have to kill their wives.
So they put their wives in three diffident rooms and give them guns.
Jon goes in first. He breaks the door, points the gun, but he cant kill his own wife.
Steve ...

Trump asks Putin for advice

Complaining about his failures, Trump asks Putin how he's so successful. Putin responds that he surrounds himself with clever people and calls in Sergei Lavrov to ask him:

"Sergei, your parents have a child who is neither your brother nor your sister, who is it?"

Lavrov thinks for a ...

Ukrainian mother persuades her son to marry

M: Look at Marina. She is beautiful, intelligent, loves movies and theater.
S: I do not want her.
M: Look at Olena. She cooks well, her house is always orderly.
S: I do not want her.
M: So who do you want?
S: Mom, I love my neighbor Sergei.
(pause)
M: But he's Russ...

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