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Christoph Jokes

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Hi, I'm Jane" she said. "I'm Christopher" I replied "but everyone calls me Dick for short". "How do you get Dick from Christopher?" she asked.

"You ask nicely" I said.

Answer: Christopher Walken

Question: Whats something you'll never see at the Reeve household?

I got a new refrigerator from Christopher

it's a walk-in

What did Christopher Robin's mother say when she got tired of cleaning up after him

"Stop leaving Pooh lying around!"

Christopher Museum

I was walking through the Christopher museum and the tour guide was showing me some of the exhibits.

He said this hat was worn by Colombus, these gloves were owned by Nolan,

and these boots are made for Walken

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British spy goes undercover in America and tries to infiltrate the political ranks.

To get into politics, he has to pass an oral exam.


Examiner: When did the USA gain independence?
Spy: July 4, 1776


\- Good. How many continents are there?
\- Easy peasy, seven.
\- Damn, you're good. Which continent is Turkey in?
\- Technically, Turkey...

23% of the crew aboard Christopher Columbus’ ship Santa Maria were named Juan

That’s almost a three to Juan ratio.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Christopher Titus joke

"I have 2 kids. Why did I stop at 2? Because my wife's vagina was busy elsewhere. Yea, It had a guest list and I wasn't on it"

Chris Evans, Chris Pine, Christopher Walken and Christopher Eccleston attend a church sermon together

Carol Spinney, the actor for Big Bird, happens to be sitting in the front row.
He asks the priest “hey, father, are those guys over there the real deal?”
The priest replies: “oh yeah, it’s a Chris mass, Carol”

Christopher Columbus is like...

...the person who comments “First” on a post even though they are not the first.

Christopher Columbus got lost

Because the directions weren't 'pacific

Winnie-the-Pooh is on a Picnic with Christopher Robin, Piglet and Eeyore. Christopher Robin says “Pooh, you haven’t touched any food yet. What gives?”

Pooh: “I’m stuffed”

If a guy named Christopher goes out for a stroll...

Does that make him Christopher walken?

Did You Ever Hear About Christopher, The Brown-Nosed Reindeer?

He could run just as fast as Rudolph, he just couldn't stop as quick...

What does Christopher Walken say to the driver that almost ran him over?

“Hey, I’m Walken ‘ere”

What’s the difference between OJ Simpson and Christopher Reeve?

OJ got to walk, Christopher got the chair

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stuck in their apartment with their kid during the COVID quarantine, the Smith’s are desperate to fuck...

So they send little Johnny out on the balcony with a popsicle and a notebook with the directions to log what all the neighbors are up to during the quarantine.

After they finished with their twenty minute *alone time,* Mr. Smith lets Johnny back in from the balcony. ”So, Johnny, what did you...

Jeff Goldblum, William Shatner, and Christopher Walken walk into a bar...

*dramatic pause*

I heard there's a new Christopher Nolan movie

It's about time

Who's faster than Christopher Walken?

Christopher Runnen

Who's slower?

Christopher Crawlen

How much oil did Christopher Columbus need to reach America?

3 Galleons.

Christopher Nolan always turns down the chance to smoke a blunt

He prefers a BONNGGG

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher asks the children in her class what they done at the weekend...

"I went out for the day, and rode on the choo choo", said Billy.

"Billy", said the teacher, "we don't use childish and immature language in my class. You rode on a train... Steve?"

"My dad and I went go-karting but I crashed and got a boo boo", said Steve.

"Steve, I just said we...

Christopher Reeves went to the cobbler to pick up a pair of boots he was having custom made...

...he asked the cobbler if the pair he was working on was his to which the cobbler replied, "No, wrong Christopher. These boots were made for Walken."

How do you celebrate Christopher Columbus day?

Barge into your neighbor's home and claim it as yours.

If Christopher Nolan makes a sequel to Inception,

He should start at the top.

Son: When I grow up I want to be like Christopher Columbus.

Dad: An explorer? That’s great, son.

Son: No, I want to get lost, spread diseases, steal tobacco and still be celebrated.

When Christopher Hitchens was on his death bed he called for a priest...

And converted him into an atheist.

If Albert Finney and Christopher Walken had a kid, he'd have quite a strut.

Cuz he'd be Walken Finney.

Where does Christopher keep his dance shoes?

In the Walken closet.

Christopher Walken really wanted new shoes so he went to the shoe store.

He browsed the whole store until he came across a pair of boots. They were nicely made with gray leather and he really liked them but he preferred black boots. He asked the store manager if they sold them in black but unfortunately they did not. Christopher was disappointed and was going to leave th...

Christopher Nolan was directing a scene when the chopper Batman was flying suddenly burst into flames.

Nolan yelled, "CHRISTIAN, BAIL!!"

How did Christopher Marlowe keep his writing secret from the other prisoners when he went to jail?

He separated the prose from the cons.

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