Pint Glass Jokes - 19 Hilarious Pint Glass Jokes

A Texan walks into an Irish bar...

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back to back."

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's of...

3 Psychoanalysts walk into a bar

Bartender says: we have every beer from around the world. What can I get you fellas?

Sigmund Freud says: I’ll have an Austrian lager in a pint glass

Carl Jung says: I’ll have a Swiss lager also in a pint glass

Bartender looks at the third guy and says: where you from buddy?
...

What do you call a woman with 10 pint glasses balanced on her head?

Beatrix

Man walks in to a bar and asks for a spoonful of lager in a pint glass, topped up with water.

"That's a strange drink to order" says the barman.

"That's what you'd be drinking if you had what I've got" replied the man.

"What have you got?" Asked the barman.

"Eleven Pence"....,

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A man walks into a bar... (kinda long)

A man walks into a bar and orders his first drink, about 5 minutes later he calls the bartender down.

He tells the bartender "I bet you $200 I can bite my eyeball." The bartender quickly agrees as he sees this as easy money. The man then pops out his glass eye and bites it.

"Damn it ...

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"Long Shots" (long)

A bartender was tending his bar, as one does, when a drunk patron approaches him and orders a pint of beer, plus a couple shots for himself and the bartender... The bar was relatively unpopulated, save for a few sitting along the bar and a booth of 5 gentlemen in the far corner, loudly joking and la...

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A gentleman walks up to the bar.

He spots a pint glass at the other end of a fairly long bar.

"Hey, barkeep," he says. "I bet you £1000 that I can piss into that pint glass from here."

The barkeep isn't usually a betting sort of fellow, but he takes a look at how far away the glass is, and accepts the gentleman's bet...

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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are drinking in a bar.

A fly lands in the Englishman’s pint. The Englishman is incensed, and pushes his beer away and orders another.

A fly lands in the Scotsman’s pint. The Scotsman looks at the fly shrugs, and just drinks the fly down.

A fly lands in the Irishman’s pint. The Irishman is furious. He picks...

So a Belgian finds a magic lamp...

...rubs it, and a genie comes out, with your standard run-of-the-mill three wishes speech.
The Belgian wishes for a neverending pint of beer, and POOF, the glass appears in his hand, and he takes a sip of the best beer he's ever had.
The genie allows him some time to drink before asking "And...

An Irishman finds a magic lamp...

... He picks it up, gives it a rub, and out comes a genie.
"Master! you have freed me from the lamp! I will grant you three wishes!"
"Wow, three? Okay, let me think for a moment."
After a short period of deliberation, the Irishman had finally come up with something.
"I would like to have...

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Even under quarantine, it was an epic St. Patrick's Day night!

Except now, the vomit in the bathroom, broken table, shattered pint glasses and piss beside the building all belong to me.

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A guy bets the bartender for a drink

Guy bets the bartender $100 that he can lick his own eyeball.

The bartender agrees. The man takes out his glass eye and licks it. "Gimme a jack and coke" he orders, smiling.

About a half hour later the man returns and bets the bartender $200 that he can bite his nose.

There'...

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A German, a Frenchman, and a Irishman walk into a pub.

The pub was known for being a wee bit of a dive. Dirty, poor service, but the three men were poor and the drinks were always cheap. They welcomed themselves into the pub and sat at the bar.

Notoriously, the service was poor. The barkeep chatted with other bar patrons for a good long while bef...

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Long walk, short piss

A gentleman, who had been in the bar for some time, approaches the bartender.

“Hey barkeep,” the man said, “are you a betting man?”
“What barman isn’t?”
“I’ll bet you five bucks that I can bite my own elbow,” the customer posed.
“Well if you can, I’d pay five to see it.” The barten...

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A birthday gift for a friend

I have a buddy who is a bit of a beer snob. For his 30th birthday, he asked for a six pack with a matching pint glass from each of his friends. I decided I would drive a couple hours to pick up his gift from his new favorite brewery (which happened to also be my new favorite brewery.)

I had t...

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Emerson, Lake, and Palmer walk into a bar. . .

RESUBMITTING WITHOUT LINKS

Picture it. June, 1971. London.

Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Carl Palmer are celebrating the release of their album Tarkus at the Seven Stars Pub.

Very quickly, both ELP and their BACs are riding high.

Nothing can spoil t...

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A South African, an Australian and an Englishman are all having a drink

The Englishman and South African both drink from Pint Glasses, the Australian from a bottle.

The South African, upon draining his glass, drops in back down on the bar, pulls out a pistol, and shoots the glass.

"In South Africa, there is so much sand that I never drink from the same gla...

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"Grandpa, tell the story again when you broke a duck's neck with your erection at your brother's wedding!"

Well, children, the year was 1922. I had nothing more than a flatcap, a shovel, and my favorite pint glass to my name. It was around the time where cars were a brand new luxury and a lass would let you put a thumb in her bum just to honk the horn. Well as luck would have it, I was out peat poaching ...

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2 Men Are Walking Down The Street Late At Night...

The street is full of pubs on both side. One man turns to the other.

''You want to get a drink?''

''Yeah, sure. D'you have any money on you?'' He looks in his pocket for a bit, and takes out a £5 note.

''I've got this, but it won't be enough to get us drunk.''

''That's fi...

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