Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face...

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

My childhood memories of Christmas are dominated by the time I sneaked downstairs one Christmas Eve and heard my mother telling Father Christmas that he was a fat, lazy, good for nothing drunken slob...

I saw mommy dissing Santa Claus...

A woman kept berating her maid that she was good for nothing all the time

One day the maid couldnt take it anymore .She shouted "Atleast I'm better than you in bed "

The woman was shocked,then she recovered and asked "Did my husband tell you that?"

Maid "No,your driver did "

What do you call a good for nothing vegetable

A deadbeet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all friends

Naturally, their mothers are blonde, brunette, and redheaded as well, and the ladies are chatting while their teenage daughters are hanging out in the other room.

The brunette says with a devilish grin, "Hey, let's look through the girls' purses and see what they're hiding from us." She...

A Husband and Wife were messaging each other.

Husband: You are negative

Wife: And you are stubborn, arrogant, a low life, care about no one but yourself and your friends, all you are interested in is your own self, and in all your life you've not fulfilled even one of your promises. I’m the only one that has to put up with such a miserly...

As a mother was bribing her little boy with a quarter so he would behave,

“Why do I always have to pay you to be good? Why can't you be good for nothing like your dad?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Rare Dish

This is a long one.

An English cook is trying to build up his skills as a chef. He's been working for years learning all sorts of rare and unique dishes to serve at his mentor's restaurant.

One day a wealthy guest at the restaurant asks to meet the cook and says "While I enjoyed the me...

The Cheating Husband

A mother told her son to use her phone and call his dad to tell him that dinner was ready.

Mom: Did you call your father?

Son: Yes mom!

Mom: And what did he say?

Son: Nothing mommy...

Mom: What do you mean, nothing?

Son: I called him three times and every ti...

My neighbors asked my dad how he kept my sister and I so well behaved...

He said, “My daughter has to be bribed so we pay her to be good. She’s good for $5. But my son is a different story. He’s good for nothing.”

Father: Son, please be a good boy while I’m away...

Son: I’ll be a good boy for $50

Father: why son? When I was young, I was good for nothing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man comes home from work and plonks himself on the sofa, in front of the tv.

"Quick, get me a beer, before it starts" he tells his wife.

His wife goes off to the kitchen, gets him a cold can of beer, and brings it over.

He cracks it open, drinks it down in one long gulp, smacks his lips, and says to his wife "That was good. Now, bring me another beer, before it...

A girl lobster meets a crab boy...

...they quickly hit it off and start dating. Unfortunately, the girl lobsters father is dead set against interspecies relationships and tells his daughter "If you keep seeing that crab boy, I'm cutting you off, no daughter of mine will be with a 'sideways walker', I will not stand for it." Upset, ...

Son: For $20, I’ll be good.

Dad: Oh, yeah? When I was your age, I was good for nothing.

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