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Last Word Jokes

The last words my grandma told my grandfather was “Sweetie, I’ll see you in heaven!”

Since then, grandpa has been kicking puppies and setting fire to orphanages.

Most common Last words before death

1. throw me that grenade, i know how to deal with it.
2. it‘s 100% safe!
3. green is always grounding.
4. turn left, I know it there.
5. I slept with your sister.
6. it‘s ok, dogs loves me.
7. oh, they changed color of my pills.
8. Somebody forgot his suitcase.
9. let‘s have ...

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I’ll never forget my grandpas last words.

Stop shaking the ladder you little shit!

My friend's dad just died and his last words were "Be positive"

We could have saved him if we knew his blood type

I'll never forget my grandfather's last words before he died.

"Are you still holding the ladder?"

Pablo Escobar was being informed on by local children. Mortally wounded by police gunfire, his last words to them were

I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you Medellín kids

(Not so) famous last words…

Col. Arrow Gant: Ha, at this range they couldn’t hit an ele….

Start Trek Unnamed Ensign: Hey Wesley, look at this cute little…

Me: Honey, what do you think of this vegetable slicer for your Mother’s Day gift…

What was Johann Sebastian Bach’s last words?

I’ll be Bach

I still remember my fathers last words...."you selfish boy"

So i became a fishmonger, to follow his dying wish.

I cared for my sick dad in his last days, and I'll never forget his last words

"I think those were the wrong pills Billy."

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Man, I still remember my grandpa's last words...

"Stop playing with that shotgun you little fucking cunt."

I remember my dad's last words before kicking the bucket

"How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

What were the last words spoken at the Last Supper?

"All right- everybody who wants in the picture, get on this side of the table!"

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I still remember my dad’s last words before he died…

He said: “I’ll pass.”

I'll never forget my Granddad's last words before he kicked the bucket.

'How far do you reckon I can kick this bucket?'

In an argument, a woman always has the last word.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

What were James Brown's last words?

I don't feel good

What is a redneck's last words?

“Hold my beer and watch this!”

What were Stephen Hawkins last words?

Quick, plug me in, i have only 1% lef ...

Famous Last Words

List your favorite ones. The one I liked the most when I was growing up:


Tarzan: "Who greased the vine?"

Robin Hood's last words

As Robin Hood lie dying, his loved ones and merry men, not so merry now, gathered round. With faltering, hesitant breathes, he calls for his bow and an arrow.

"This bow," he says, "has saved my life, kept me fed, brought peace to our land. I will fire it one last time and beg only that I be b...

What were Jeffrey Epstein's last words?

But I dont want to commit suicide

What was Steven Hawking’s last words?

<The windows xp log out sound >

My grandfather's last words..

My Grandfather said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

My grandpa’s last words before he died was “Pints! Gallons! Litres!”

That spoke volumes.

As long as I live I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me...

GODDAMMIT BOY BE CAREFUL THAT THING’S LOADED!

Any last words?

Three criminals get the death penalty - the method of execution is by electric chair.

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On the day of the execution, the first criminal sits in the chair. The guard asks him: "Any last words?", to which the criminal says: "I believe in God and I know for sure that He will pro...

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What were the old-time gangster's last words?

"Who put this fucking violin in my violin case?!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ll never forget my grandpas last words...

“Quit messing around with my life support cord you twat”

On my mom's death bed, she exclaimed she was probably going to Hell & asked if I had any last words for her

I told her ... put in a good word for me.

I'll never forget my Uncles last words on his death bed

"I am your Father"

Still doing the Star Wars impressions right to the end.

Patient's last words

A seriously ill patient is lying on a hospital bed with an oxygen mask,

Plug the tube. Suddenly, the patient began to twitch and his mouth was squirming. There seems to be something to say. Upon seeing this, the pastor standing nearby bent down and asked softly Said: "Do you want to say somet...

Why couldn't Marie-Antoinette finish her last words?

She got cut off.

A terrorist is holding dad at gunpoint

"Say your last words!"

"Your last words!"

-






Since this is now on the front page, hello world. Buy shares in hair, I hear it's growing.

And now, [a short intermission](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0wOD9TWynM). Albatrosses will be served shortly.

What were Pheidippides (the marathon soldier) last words?

My feet are killing me!

What were Ron and Nicole's last words to OJ Simpson?

"It HERTZ!"

executioner: any last words?

prisoner: I beg your pardon
executioner: any last words?
prisoner: I beg your pardon
executioner: any last words?
prisoner: I beg your pardon
executioner: any last words?
prisoner: I beg your pardon
executioner: any last words?
prisoner: I beg your...

A man faced execution by firing squad and was asked by the officer in charge if he had any last words...

Safely behind his men, the officer shouted, "SQUAD! PREPARE TO FIRE ON MY MARK! I WILL COUNT DOWN AND GIVE THE ORDER TO FIRE! PRISONER, DO YOU HAVE ANY FINAL WORDS? THREE!"

The prisoner said, "Yes sir, I do."

The officer shouted, "WHAT ARE THEY? TWO!

The prisoner shouted "ABOUT....

The executioner asked, "Any last words?"

The criminal replied, "I just want one more clickbait article".
Executioner: "What happens next will shock you"

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Last words

A man and his friend were driving down the road when suddenly a truck ran a red light. "Oh fuck!" he yelled, as the truck slammed into their car on his side.

Unfortunately, the man was very badly injured. As he sat there dying, he gasped "love".

Confused, his friend said "love what? ...

What are the electrician's last words?

...this power cable has no power.

My father died on 9/11, I will never forget his last words

Allahu Akbar.

[Do keep in mind that this is not my joke, I just want to spread laughs]

Been married 30 years and I always have the last words when arguing with my wife

“Yes, Honey.”

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A painting of Custers last words

Two guys in a museum are looking at the same painting. One says to the other,
“what does that mean?” Refereeing to the painting in front of them showing underbrush, in the desert, with Indians copulating behind a bush. Top of painting showing Jesus on the cross.

“Its custards last words”...

Donald Trump’s last words in office:

« I’m not Orange, Impeached. »

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words.

Find yourself a woman who holds you as tight as Nancy Pelosi holds her impeachment articles

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My parrot died today…

His last words were

“Fuck, I think my parrot is about to die”

My step-dad’s last words were his worst:

“Be back in a Quibi”

Last Words

There was a man in the hospital who was very old and most likely not making it out so his family went to the church to get the pastor to say goodbye and the hospital, so the next day the pastor visits the man in the hospital, but the man suddenly is gasping for air and can't breath so he grabs a pen...

What were Jeffrey Epstein's last words?

"The encryption codes are hidden behind the Dali painting in the guest bathroom. Hey, I told you what you wan...."

Immortal last words of Socrates

"I drank what"

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I cocked my pistol and asked my girlfriend, "Any last words?"

4 hours later, I shot her.

A man stepped on a pufferfish and said his last words

Wow, this blew up!

What were the last words of Jesus?

Wait till my father hears about this!

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Custer's last words

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall so he called an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town on business ...

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Heroic last words

There was a guy looking at his basement. He had a wide open space that he thought, "I could fill this space with an amazing painting." He thought about what was most important to him, and hired a painter.

When the painter came in to look at the space the man said, "I really admire Custer fro...

Famous last words between Two Scientists...

Let's try it this way.

Last words from Steve Jobs to Tim Cook

"When things start going south, when others try to change the way we make our products, when we are perceived as not innovating anymore...
you make a stand!!!"

At his death bed, Achilles realized that they where going to loose the war and uttered his last words.

Defeet hurts.

What were the fish's last words before it hit a wall?

Dam

I also remember my grandfather's last words. He was very weak, bedridden in hospital, and had lost the power of speech. He had signalled for me to give him paper and a pencil. He died right after writing it.

It said,

*"You are standing on my breathing tube"*

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

Ctrl + Alt + Del

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Can everyone in this sub please brighten my day up a bit? My parrot died last night.

His last words were "Oh fuck, I think my parrot is dying!"

I'll always remember my dad's last words on his death bed:

'Son, what are you doing with that pillow?'

Whenever I wake with a terrible hangover, I proudly invoke the inspirational last words of the philosopher Socrates who died saying:

"What the hell did I drink?"

My grandfather passed away recently and I'll never forget his last words

"Son, that gun's loaded". So tragic, RIP grandfather

I'll never forget my father's last words to me...

"Tell your mom I'm going to the store, I'll be back in a bit."

What was Danny Phantoms last words?

Im going ghost


Im sorry

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