UPJOKE
postseasondraftsports leagueuefaa-leaguefifa world cupplayoffliga mxworld seriessports franchisepennantwild cardrugby world cupheineken cup

Last Place Jokes

Why is gas always in last place?

It keeps getting passed.

What did the star get when it came in last place?

A constellation prize

A couple decided to enter a local cooking competition. He did very well in the sausage category, but she got last place with chicken.

Together, they made the best wurst and the worst breast.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got last place in the dick measuring contest.



It was really hard competition, I guess you could say.

Why do Americans always come last place at the Shooting Olympics?

because they practice at the worst schools

What do you call a pachyderm who's in last place?

Doesn't matter - it's rear elephant

A high-school girls soccer team hires a new coach, Coach Bill. When Coach Bill is hired the girls are in last place.

Coach Bill starts a whole new regimen for practices, including new workouts, new drills and after 2 weeks of this he introduces a new herbal supplement he asks the girls to start taking daily.

A week later the girls win their first game of the season. Then another one, and another one... In f...

How do you get last place in the Rio jokes olympics.

You tell a Rio bad joke.

A drunk stumbles home after midnight, and his wife is angry.

"Where the hell have you been?"

He says, "I've been out looking for you!"

"Looking for me? I've been here all day!"

"Well, it figures, you'd be in the last place I look!"

A man walks into a pub, and requests a pint of Guinness

A man walks into a pub, and requests a pint of Guinness only to be told by the bar staff, "I can't give you a pint of Guinness, the bats will get you".

Confused by this he heads a few doors down to another pub and to his astonishment is told the same thing;

"I can't give you a pint of ...

I just watched a really thrilling bondage competition.

The winner tied last place.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A greyhound walks into a bar...

A greyhound walks into a bar and takes a look around. There are three horses sitting at the counter chatting away, he decides to sit close enough to overhear their conversation.

The first horse says, “I have an incredible story for you guys! I was racing last Friday, two minutes in and I am l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After many years of hard work, Joe rewarded himself with a long stay at a swanky resort

While relaxing on the beach, he was surprised to see a former high school classmate who he hadn't seen since they graduated. His old friend had been something of a "burnout" in high school, and this was the last place Joe expected to see him.


Joe approached the man, and seized his hand....

The wife says I'm no longer allowed to help in our search for a new apartment as my suggestions are always "disgusting".

In my defence, the last place I found was in a great location in the centre of town and it did say "TO LET".

How was I supposed to know the "I" had fallen off?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two races horses trot into a locker room, one jumps into the hot tub while the winning horse went and stood next to his locker. The horse in the hot tub says

" How could you have won the race? You were in Last Place on the final turn"

The winning Horse says "Ok, this is going to sound VERY STRANGE, but I felt a Red Hot Poker stick me in the ass, and I took off running. Passing everyone, scared the hell out of my Jockey too."

About that t...

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

The last place you left it.

What do you call a horse meat sandwich in Kentucky?

Last placed.

Whenever I find something I misplaced, I always check one more place.

That way, things are never in the last place I look.

My friends and I went drinking last weekend

This wasn't casual drinking, we got absolutely wasted. I still have a little bit of a headache from the hangover. I don't remember a lot from the night, but I do remember multiple dares, and a bet about who could drink the most without blacking out. I don't remember what placement I got, but I do kn...

My cousin lost his keys, and when he found them he went blind.

They were in the last place he looked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two dung beetles go out for lunch

They went into a restaurant and came out five minutes later.

They went into another place and as they're eating, one says "this is good shit"!

The other replies, "yeah, that last place was crap".

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.