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Kerb Jokes

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A 93 year old man is sat on the kerb crying.

A passerby stops and asks, “What’s the matter?”

The old man looks up and cries, “I’m 93, married to a gorgeous 21year old who wants fucking before breakfast, lunch and tea, and then twice again at night!”

The passerby laughs, “What’s the problem then?”

The old guy replies “I ca...

What do you get if you cross two kerbs, two lanes and a white line?

"I don't know", said the chicken, "but I'll find out."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are!

A lawyer parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues.

As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before zooming off.

Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Didn't like shopping there anyway

Yesterday I was at my local TESCO’ store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout
queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? On impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Winalot ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Zebra Crossing.

I was in town today and saw an old lady trying to cross the road.

Everytime she stepped off the kerb a car nearly knocked her down. I shouted at her, "There's a zebra crossing down there."

She shouted back, "I hope he's having more fucking luck than I am."

an american tourist visits dublin.....

An American tourist was in Dublin for the first time. He was driving his rent-a-car through the north inner-city and wanting to walk into town to see some sites, he pulled up at the side of a kerb.

Being a tourist, he wasn't 100% sure if he was allowed to park there, so he got out of the car ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So the other day I was walking from the sports field with a bag of 100 tennis balls...

That's a big bag, but I managed to carry it. However, unbeknownst to me, it was dragging over the ground, and eventually caught on a sharp piece of kerb, and ripped open. All 100 tennis balls falling out, ending up everywhere. Really annoying. I had to get all of them back individually and only retr...

Drunk...

A drunk lurches out of a pub at lunchtime.

After getting his alcohol-induced double vision together, he notices a car parked by the kerb with its bonnet up and a man leaning against the car with his arms folded and looking very grumpy.

He staggers over and manages to slur, "What's the...

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