Guinness World Record Jokes - 23 Hilarious Guinness World Record Jokes

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My dick was in the Guinness World Records Book

Then they kicked me out of the library.

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Guinness world record attempt !

Three roommates were hanging out in the living room one day, when one of them opened an email on their phone.

"Hey guys, the Guinness book of world records is coming to town! We should go get into it somehow!"

The shortest roommate, who was only 3 feet tall says "I'm going to go see if...

My neighbour is in the the GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS.

He's had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me. A stone's throw away, in fact.

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Believe it or not but my penis was once in the book of Guinness World Records.

The librarian got pretty pissed though and kicked me out.

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The smallest penis

*John: insert name of person you tell the joke to.

So three guys sits at a bar.

First one goes - “I have the smallest feet in the world!” The other guys take a look at his feet and acknowledges his statement - “sure your feet must be the smallest in the world!”

Second guy then...

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Guinness World Record

Guy: Ya know my penis was in the Guinness World Record Book?
Girl: Really?
Guy: Yeah, until the Librarian told me to take it out.

A Guinness world record judge was fired for obsessing over pun world records

He would go on to describe the firing as the worlds biggest mistake

I’m going for the Guinness world record for wasting other people’s time.

Thanks for helping.

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3 little people were gathered around a Guinness World Record book, and they all wanted in.

The first looked at his hands and said "I have small hands! I bet I can get in with these guys!"

The second looked at her feet saying "hey, I have small feet! I bet I can get in for the smallest feet!"

The third looked at (you probably guessed it) his penis, saying "okay... I'm a shoe-...

I invented worlds hottest chilipowder to put in the Guinness World records book.

Just really tired to kick people out of my library.

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Three guys walk into a bar and try to get Guinness World Records.

Guy 1: So I’ve been thinking: my head is pretty small. So I’m thinking, maybe I could get the Guinness World Record for smallest head.

Guy 2: Actually, now that you mention it, my arm is pretty small. Maybe I could get the Guinness World Record for smallest arm.

Guy 3: Well, I don’t li...

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[nsfw] Totally legit, but you can use a joke if you want to.

**Scene:** I was living in an apartment complex where all the bedroom windows faced into a small courtyard of sorts, walled on three sides with 3 stories of bedroom windows. None of the apartments in this complex have air-conditioning. It's close to midnight, December in Sydney AUS, it's a hot humid...

Of all the Guinness world records my Dad held...

He told me the one where he ate a grandfather clock was the most time consuming.

I tried getting into Guinness World record by smashing up music albums

I broke a lot of records

*ba dum tis*

A man broke the Guinness World Record by playing the same piano key 1,000 times in 1 minute

He then went home and broke the world record for most satisfied girlfriend.

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3 guys walk into a bar...

3 guys walk into the bar, and soon begin a competition.

The first man says, "I have small arms, I bet I have the smallest arms in the world!"

The second man carries on, "I have tiny feet, I bet I have the smallest feet in the world!"

The third man stands up proudly, and announce...

A reporter interviews a monk who's 130 years old

Reporter : According to the Guinness world record book you are the oldest living person in the world right now. What is your secret?
Monk : Well, for starters I don't argue with idiots.
Reporter : No way!
Monk : No way.

Did you hear about the Irishman who bought a copy of "Guinness World Records"??

He thought it was an L.P of Irish drinking songs

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Farmer Greg

A seasoned farmer named Greg had finally mastered his craft. He toiled day and night to understand every detail to growing the perfect crop. After 30 years he had made enough money to retire, but Greg wanted more. He wanted local recognition and fame.

So he decided to grow the state’s ...

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3 men get drunk at a bar...

The first guy goes: "You know what? My arm is really small, like, really really small. I reckon it's legitimately the smallest arm in the world"

The second guy goes: "Come to think of it, my head is tiny, I think I have the smallest head in the world"

Third guy goes: "I've never told...

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Three men with tiny body parts meet up...

One has tiny hands, one has tiny feet, and one has a tiny penis. They all think theirs are the tiniest in the world. So they go to Guinness World Records to make it official.
The first guy walks in, and comes out with a plaque in his hand and a big smile on his face, and says, “I have the tinies...

Did you hear about the Irishman who drank 30 beers in 30 minutes?

It was a Guinness world record.

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Need to save a bit of money during the lock-down.

I am getting rid of Google, Siri and Alexa, and I am going to sell all of my Wikipedia and Guinness World record books. I don't need them anymore.

My fucking wife knows everything.

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