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Front Line Jokes

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An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines.

He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
...

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Tales from the front line

Back in my Army days (mid 80s) we were on a winter training exercise with the medical battalion. Our platoon was assigned the job of being casualties for the treatment company.

They assigned us our roles told us what injuries we were supposed to have sustained then dispatched us out in the Bu...

During World War 2, the Germans on the front line put up a sign "Gott Mit Uns"

The English replied with a sign of their own "We got mittens too"

Real story.

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Two soldiers were sitting on the front line in a fox hole

They were both on edge as they knew tonight would be their last night alive. The enemy was swiftly approaching and it was only a matter of time before they were over run.
Soldier 1- “I need to take a shit”
Soldier 2- “dude don’t leave me here”
Soldier 1- “ I cant shit with you here, I get s...

A private ran to his General, sending a message from the front lines. He was in utter distress.

"Sir! We are outnumbered three to one, and..."

"Private! Get me my red shirt," he interrupted, "When I bleed in battle, I don't want the soldiers to be discouraged."

"Sir! You don't understand, they have battalions of heavy artillery, and their tanks are twice the..."

The Genera...

An Australian soldier arrives at the front line

in WW1 where he meets a British officer.
The officer asks "have come here to die too?"
The soldier replies
"No sir, I came yesterday."

Why do french tanks have rear mirrors?

So they can also see the front lines.

So during World War 2, a lot of experiments took place on the front lines;

*Doctor Heinfeld*, a leading researcher in Engineering and Biology at the front, wanted to test a new mechanical heart he had engineered, and offered a clockwork heart he had engineered to a then-dieing solider, named *Hugo*, who took it without hesitation.

Later on, Hugo (now fully recovered...

Jim, who was late to everything, was drafted. Sure enough, in boot camp, he was last in line to get a rifle.

When it was his turn, the quartermaster said, “I’m sorry but we’re all out of rifles.” Jim said, “How can I do the drills then?” The quartermaster replied, “Take this stick and when it’s time to shoot, yell ‘Bangety Bang Bang!’ Go get a bayonet on it and maybe it’ll look better.” But, again, Jim was...

Why did the Russian oligarch sign up for the draft?

Because going to the front line was safer than trying to open his hotel room window.

A Russian man is called up to fight in Ukraine...

"Ivan, you've been mobilized, report to the front line"

"But I haven't got any legs?!"

"That's fine, it's a partial mobilization'

An Aussie in the trenches

An Australian soldier is sent to the front lines in France during World War 1 and the gruff American general meets him saying “alright private this is the roughest spot in Europe now. Did you come here to die?! The Aussie says “Naw mate I came yes to die”

Giles was late for shooting practice so the Sergeant made him pretend he was holding a pistol and make "Pew pew" sounds.

Giles didn't want to make a fuss so he makes his hands into a pistol and starts saying "pew pew" while aiming.

But the idiot Giles was almost always late. So a lot of "pew pewing" was going on when he was practicing.

After 4 months, there's been an invasion and a full-blown war has s...

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A classic joke from my childhood.

There is the private in the army. On the day before he was about to be sent to the front lines, he has to visit the quartermasters and get issued his weapons.

Unfortunately, he overslept and ended up being very last in line. When he finally made it to the desk, the gun master regretted to inf...

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The Corporate Ladder

A recent study in USA have found an interesting relationship between a man social status and the sport he watches

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employee is BOWLING
3. The sport of choice for front line workers is Ame...

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WWII Army Major walks into the medical wing.

He approaches the first bunk

Major: Why are you here Soldier?

Soldier: Syphilis Sir!

Major: How are they treating it Soldier?

Soldier: 5 minutes a day with a wire brush Sir!

Major: What is your ambition Soldier?

Soldier: To get back to the front lines Sir!<...

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Wartime injuries (NSFW)

A general is visiting troops in the hospital during wartime. He walks up to the first bed and asks the soldier what he is in for. The soldier replies, "Chronic gonorrhea, sir." The general asks how he is treating it. The soldier replies, "15 minutes a day with a wire brush, sir." The general asks wh...

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