UPJOKE
pretzeltrademarkedneapolitangenericschwaouchsyllabicnominativedahpokkatakanawaffleblindetweedleinch

Footlong Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Interesting fact about myself: (1) my penis is not as long as a footlong sub

(2) I'm banned from Subway

I knew I was going to jail when the judge yelled, "Order in the court!"

And my lawyer said, "I'll take a footlong turkey."

PICKUP LINE: Don’t pay $5 for a footlong...

When you can get my 6 inch for free.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dick is like a subway footlong

It never satisfies anyone

TIFU by ordering a 6-inch sandwich instead of a footlong.

Whoops, wrong sub.

TIFU by accidentally walking out with the footlong BLT of the guy ahead of me in line

Whoops, wrong sub

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two things I learned today: 1) My dick isn’t as long as a footlong sub.

2) I’m banned from Quiznos.

TIFU by ordering a 6-inch instead of a footlong.

I should read the small print more carefully on the male escort pages.

Looks like Subway finally has a good excuse for their footlongs being less than 12 inches

Anything under 12 is better for Jared.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a really cheap male prostitute?

Five dollar footlong.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to see his urologist

about a problem he's having. "Well," says the doctor, "let's have a look at the little- Jesus Christ, that's quite the schlong you've got there!" - "Yeah, you see, it's 15 inches and scares the girls away. I'd really like to have it shortened by a few." The urologist contemplates the man's request s...

I downloaded an app that I thought would help me find great sandwiches...

Turns out that's not what Grinder is for. I still got a footlong, though.

I'm Gonna Bust An Aldi

Me: Hey Jared, do you want to go to Aldi's?

Jared: I prefer Subway and their 5 Dollar Footlongs

Me: I thought you were more of an Aldi's guy

Jared: Why's that?

Me: Thought you would enjoy Aldi's Nuts.

The Amaretto Joke

(Mentioned this in the comments of another joke and seems like no-one knew it by reference so here goes.)

Three best girlfriends meet for lunch after not seeing each other for a while and the topic turns to the latest news in their lives and as it turns out all three of them have started seei...

Jared Fogle gets sentenced 15 1/2 years in prison

At least he'll still be able to enjoy footlongs

Overheard in a Subway the other day...

The Subway girl turned to the guy in front of me in the queue and said "Footlong?"

He answered, "Look lady, you're very attractive, but I'm not bending it in half for anybody"

Jared Fogle is going to prison.

It looks as if his steady diet of footlongs will continue

Took a girl with severe OCD to subway..

and bought her a footlong sandwich. With cat like reflexes and a crazed look in her eyes she quickly slammed the sandwich on the table and whipped out a tape measure from her purse.

"I need to see if this is actually one foot long!" she giggled like a nervous school girl.

She pulled ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Blonde Walks into Subway...

She orders a simple footlong sandwich and goes to the register.

"That'll be $6.70," says the cashier.

The blonde tries to use the chip on her card, but it doesn't work.

So she tries it again, and still nothing.

Finally she tries to swipe and it does nothing.
...

A bully and his gang walk into a Subway store

He then sees the sandwich artist (that's what they are called) is a skinny, young, inexperienced kid- a perfect target to bully while ordering some subs. He walks up to the kid and starts his order of his 6-inch sub

The kid then proceeds to cut a footlong sub bread in half for a 6-inch sub wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some funny pick up lines

Do you have a map? Cause I just got lost in your eyes.

If your left leg is Halloween, and your right leg is Christmas, CAN I COME IN BETWEEN HOLIDAYS?

My love for you is like diarrhea, i just can't hold it in.

If i said you had a hot body, would you hold it against me?

Ni...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.