A guy sits down at a bar alone having a drink, munching on the bar's bowl of pretzels.

All of a sudden he hears a little voice, "Looking good there, buddy."

Looking around he sees no one within earshot. So he just shrugs it off & goes back to his drink & snack.

A little while latter again he hears a little voice, "And you're a snappy dresser too."

Again lo...

When an artist covers another artist's song, it's flattering. When a comedian tells another comedian's joke, it's

Carlos Mencia

It's always flattering when someone says "You've got a nice bum"

Except when you're having a prostate examination.

Trump: "America has the best curve in the world. It really is the greatest curve I've come up with. It is a beautiful curve." Fauci: "Mr. President, what are you doing?"

Trump: "What do you think, I'm flattering the curve."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The magic hand. (Long)

A man was going to be going out of town for a while on a work trip, and wanted to make sure his wife didn’t cheat on him. So he decided to go to a sex toy shop to get her something to entertain herself with while he’s away. He enters the store and describes his predicament to the shopkeeper. “If you...

My classmates admire me because I do not believe the earth is round.

It is quite flattering.

A girl called me cute today

So I asked if she was a Flat Earther because although flattering she was clearly mistaken.

A woman is shopping at a grocery store.

She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
"You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
"Because you're...

My son came home from school in tears.

"My girlfriend slept with my best friend," he said.

I said, "That's very flattering, I never knew I was your best friend."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] Tom was having increasingly bad headaches as he got older...

He was told by his doctor that he had an ailment that made his testicles press up against his spine, which caused him very painful headaches; more pain than he was able to endure. After many referrals, it was concluded that castration would be the only way to cure him. After his surgery, he was fr...

A guy came up to me in the gym.

"How the hell did you get a body like that?" he asked.

"Thanks," I said, "That's very flattering."

He said, "Not really mate."

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