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Flattering Jokes

It's always flattering when someone says "You've got a nice bum"

Except when you're having a prostate examination.

When an artist covers another artist's song, it's flattering. When a comedian tells another comedian's joke, it's

Carlos Mencia

I once complimented a curvy woman who doesn't believe Earth is round.

She replied that it was very flattering.

A guy sits down at a bar alone having a drink, munching on the bar's bowl of pretzels.

All of a sudden he hears a little voice, "Looking good there, buddy."

Looking around he sees no one within earshot. So he just shrugs it off & goes back to his drink & snack.

A little while latter again he hears a little voice, "And you're a snappy dresser too."

Again lo...

A woman is shopping at a grocery store.

She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
"You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
"Because you're...

A girl called me cute today

So I asked if she was a Flat Earther because although flattering she was clearly mistaken.

My son came home from school in tears.

"My girlfriend slept with my best friend," he said.

I said, "That's very flattering, I never knew I was your best friend."

A guy came up to me in the gym.

"How the hell did you get a body like that?" he asked.

"Thanks," I said, "That's very flattering."

He said, "Not really mate."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] Tom was having increasingly bad headaches as he got older...

He was told by his doctor that he had an ailment that made his testicles press up against his spine, which caused him very painful headaches; more pain than he was able to endure. After many referrals, it was concluded that castration would be the only way to cure him. After his surgery, he was fr...

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