Eyes Open Jokes - 9 Hilarious Eyes Open Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dusty Hill Blinked his eye open.

His head felt fuzzy. His eyes sticky. Dusty Hill Blinked his eyes open. "Wake up Dusty" said a familiar voice. His eyes focused, his brain whirled. It couldn't be who it seemed to be. Jimi mother fucking hendrix?

.

"Wake up Dusty. It's showtime!" Said the coolest voice ev...

Why does the rabbit sleep with its eyes open?

Because it has short skin.

My uncle always told me, “Keep your mouth shut and keep your eyes open.”

Sorry I got those backwards.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What starts with “f” and ends with “k”?

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what exactly is your problem?”
Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she! I think I should be in the 3rd gra...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class. The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send ...

Once there was an inflatable boy.

He lived in his inflatable house with his inflatable parents, and every morning when the inflatable clock struck seven, he would come down the inflatable stairs and eat his breakfast at the inflatable table, then go and catch the inflatable bus to his inflatable school.

But one day for some r...

An old man has been standing in line at the pearly gates for so long, when he gets to the front, he can't remember his name for St. Peter to look up in the Big Book...

Peter doesn't know what to do, so he gets Jesus to help him figure it out.

Jesus says "Tell us about your life, maybe that will jog your memory."

The old man says "Well, I only had one child, a son."

Jesus smiles and says "Heh, I was an only child too. Go on."

The man say...

A Viking sailed across Europe challenging people to staring contests.

He was so confident in his abilities that he promised to hand over all of the gold he had pillaged to anyone who could defeat him. The news spread throughout Europe, catching the attention of a couple in Ireland whose daughter was born without eyelids.

Believing that their daughter was guaran...

On his first ever flight, a nervous man who was scared of flying sat next to a heavily tattooed and smelly giant of a man.

Unfortunately, during the flight the timid little fellow ended up getting physically sick. But since the large man was now fast asleep, and was between him and aisle, his way to the bathroom was blocked.

Suddenly it was too late, and he vomited all over the sleeping man. Quickly he tried t...

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