I’ve been searching for my ex wife’s killer for the past two years.

No one is willing to do it.

My ex wife still misses me..

But her aim is getting better!

How is Hurricane Florence like my ex wife?

They start off wet and wild but in the end, they take your house.

Thankfully, my ex wife is against vaccines.

I'll only be paying 4 years of child support instead of 18!

My ex wife's favorite joke.

Guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but a sheet of saran-wrap.

Doc says to him, "I can clearly see your nuts."

What did the jedi tell his ex wife?

May divorce be with you.

I asked my ex wife if she would like to make love just like old times.

She replied,"Over my dead body."
I said, "Yeah, just like old times."

My ex wife used to hit me with stringed instraments

If only I had known she had a history of violins

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My ex wife died so I went to the cemetery and to honor her, I poured a fine, 12 year old bottle of scotch on her grave.

But first I filtered it through my kidneys.

I dumped a bowl of trifle over my ex wife after we had an argument.

She took me to court over who should look after the kids after we divorced.

She got custard-y

My ex wife didn't show up to the custody trial, so now I get full custody of my kids!

Now I just need to swing by her house and untie her.

My ex wife and I have decided to quit arguing and bury the hatchet.

Now we just have to decide whether it should be in her chest or mine!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day I was going down on my ex wife

I said to her:

“Jeez you’ve got a big pussy.”
(Jeez you’ve got a big pussy)

She asked me why I said it twice.

“I didn’t.”
(I didn’t.)

Ten years after my divorce, I can finally say I don't want my ex wife to die anymore.

I don't want her to die any less either.


An Avid Sportman and hunter, Tim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

One evening, not long after the honeymoon, he was getting his equipment ready for an upcoming hunt.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally s...

What do my ex wife and the economy have in common?

Inflation over time

My ex wife's star sign was Cancer, quite ironic considering how she died...

...Eaten by a giant crab 🦀

Note: not my joke, not sure where I heard it

I had a dirty dream about my ex wife

The dishes were pulled up and the house smelled like pachouli oil.

What do you do if you’re drunk and you run into your ex wife?

Reverse to make sure.

I saw my ex wife in a grocery store.

"Having fun there?" I asked her, as she felt up the apples. "Does that remind you of someone?"

She said, "No, but this does,"

Then she started rubbing the grapes.