Joke about a man's ex wife...

A man was browsing Facebook when he saw a post saying that his ex-wife had passed due to an illness.

Immediately, he called her phone number. An unrecognizable male voice answered, "Hello?", and the man said, "Can I speak with Alice?".

The voice, sounded sad, and said, "I'm sorry but s...

Something I said on the spur of a moment to my ex wife.

Ex: I don’t know why you are complaining I’m an angel.

Me: So was satan

My ex wife still misses me

But her aim is getting better!

I missed my Ex wife twice this morning.

I must get the sights on my rifle fixed.

So my ex wife was sick in the hospital and I decide to visit her.

She was complaining that her body temperature has dropped below 30. So I told her not to worry since it's a standard body temperature for snakes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] So I asked my Ex Wife....

If she would suck my dick if I washed it.

She said No

Sounds like she's still a dirty cock sucker

I’ve been searching for my ex wife’s killer for the past two years.

No one is willing to do it.

How is Hurricane Florence like my ex wife?

They start off wet and wild but in the end, they take your house.

Thankfully, my ex wife is against vaccines.

I'll only be paying 4 years of child support instead of 18!

My ex wife's favorite joke.

Guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but a sheet of saran-wrap.

Doc says to him, "I can clearly see your nuts."

What did the jedi tell his ex wife?

May divorce be with you.

I asked my ex wife if she would like to make love just like old times.

She replied,"Over my dead body."
I said, "Yeah, just like old times."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My ex wife died so I went to the cemetery and to honor her, I poured a fine, 12 year old bottle of scotch on her grave.

But first I filtered it through my kidneys.

My ex wife used to hit me with stringed instraments

If only I had known she had a history of violins

I dumped a bowl of trifle over my ex wife after we had an argument.

She took me to court over who should look after the kids after we divorced.

She got custard-y

My ex wife and I have decided to quit arguing and bury the hatchet.

Now we just have to decide whether it should be in her chest or mine!

My ex wife didn't show up to the custody trial, so now I get full custody of my kids!

Now I just need to swing by her house and untie her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day I was going down on my ex wife

I said to her:

“Jeez you’ve got a big pussy.”
(Jeez you’ve got a big pussy)

She asked me why I said it twice.

“I didn’t.”
(I didn’t.)


An Avid Sportman and hunter, Tim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

One evening, not long after the honeymoon, he was getting his equipment ready for an upcoming hunt.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally s...

Ten years after my divorce, I can finally say I don't want my ex wife to die anymore.

I don't want her to die any less either.

My ex wife's star sign was Cancer, quite ironic considering how she died...

...Eaten by a giant crab 🦀

Note: not my joke, not sure where I heard it

I had a dirty dream about my ex wife

The dishes were pulled up and the house smelled like pachouli oil.

What do my ex wife and the economy have in common?

Inflation over time

What do you do if you’re drunk and you run into your ex wife?

Reverse to make sure.

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