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Ex Wife Jokes

An ex husband an ex wife are in court fighting in a bitter custody battle over their child.

The judge asks the woman: "Why do you feel you deserve custody?"

The woman says: "I brought that child into this world. My child literally came out of me! That is why I deserve custody."

The judge nods his head, and says "That is a simple and logical reason. It makes sense."

The...

How is Hurricane Florence like my ex wife?

They start off wet and wild but in the end, they take your house.

My ex wife still misses me

But her aim is getting better!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My ex wife died so I went to the cemetery and to honor her, I poured a fine, 12 year old bottle of scotch on her grave.

But first I filtered it through my kidneys.

Ex Wife.

I tried to remarry my ex-wife..

But she figured out, I was only after my money.

Ex wife to her departing Husband..

You’ll never find someone like me again!-





Husband …

That’s my goal!

Bragging to me about being with my ex wife is the same as….

Bragging about eating a sandwich I threw in the dumpster

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bought the ex wife some crotchless panties for Halloween...

Nothing sexual, just to give her a better grip on the broomstick.

My ex wife is a pirates worst nightmare !

A sunken chest with no booty .........

A man was granted one wish, however his ex wife would get twice of whatever he wished.

He wished to be half dead.

I've spent past 2 years looking for my ex wife's killer

No one wants to do it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My ex wife was an acupuncturist…

Divorced her because she was a backstabbing bitch.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My EX Wife... lemme tell ya about her. WHAT... AN... ASSHOLE!!!

...Her Tits weren't bad, either!

I took my ex wife out yesterday.

Man, it's fun being a sniper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My ex wife

My ex wife said that there was nothing wrong with having a 3 inch penis, but I still didn’t like her having one.

I am not saying my ex wife was ugly...

But I had to quit my job, so I didn't have to kiss her goodbye in the morning.

When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of my ex wife.

(And hold them under until the bubbles stop. )

My ex wife was a Seismologist.

She was was great at finding faults.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My ex wife is an esthetician w/ various skills but she mainly does massages for various men with various careers.

You could say she's a "jack off all trades"

My ex wife just texted me, "Wish you were here"

She does this everytime she passes by a cemetery

My ex wife used to hit me with stringed instraments

If only I had known she had a history of violins

How long does it take my ex wife to screw in a light bulb?

Ha! My ex screwing, that’s a good one.

As part of the break up process,I decided to burn all my ex wife's clothes.

It gave me great satisfaction.....

She was wearing them at the time.

My ex wife kept the only copy of our wedding video.

I can’t see myself getting married again.

I didn't say my ex-wife died,

I said I have a latex wife.

I ordered my ex wife food she hates and had Uber Eats deliver it...

Because revenge is a dish best served cold

How does a pirate greet his ex wife?

Ahore

Joke about a man's ex wife...

A man was browsing Facebook when he saw a post saying that his ex-wife had passed due to an illness.

Immediately, he called her phone number. An unrecognizable male voice answered, "Hello?", and the man said, "Can I speak with Alice?".

The voice, sounded sad, and said, "I'm sorry but s...

What did the janitor's ex wife accuse him of?

Sweeping around.

Why did the pirate have a map to his ex wife's house

For booty calls

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