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Everest Jokes

How can we stop people from dying on Mt. Everest?

climb it change

TIL: bumblebees can fly higher than mount Everest

Kinda obvious. Considering mount Everest can't fly

Did you hear about the mountain climber who summited Mt Everest.

safe to say his mountain climbing career peaked

My wife and I had a great romantic courtship and then got married on the summit of Mt Everest

But it was all downhill from there.

My wife thinks our friend is lying when he claimed that he scaled Mount Everest, but I disagree.

I think..he made it up.

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A guy climbs Everest...

At the middle a very sexy blonde stops him and asks:

-Do you want me or to succeed?

The ambitious climber replied:
-Succeed, succeed.

And continued to climb.

Only 100 m to the peak of the mountain, a gorgeous looking brunette stops him and asks:

-Do you want me ...

What do you call Snoop Dogg on Mount Everest?

The highest place on Earth.

Did you hear that Paris Hilton has agreed to climb Mt. Everest?

It's being called the Paris climb it agreement.

Burt and Mack are climbing Mount Everest.

Burt and Mack are climbing Mount Everest when suddenly Burt falls in to a crevasse 1000 ft. deep.
“Hey Burt! Are you alive?” shouts Mack from above.
“Yeah I am.”
“I’m going to drop down a rope, grab onto it and I’ll pull you out.”
“I can’t. My arms are broken.”
“Okay then w...

The inventor of Dulex weathershield exterior paint has perished while attempting to climb Everest …

Rescuers said he could have done with another coat

I once went to climb Mount Everest...

... came across a local village farmer who said he had a rooster that could lay eggs.

I said, “How is that possible?”

He said, “Himalayan Rooster”

What mountain is just smaller than Mt. Everest?

Mt. Everer

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A young lady is set to be the first woman to orgasm on the peak of Mount Everest.

Reports say that she'll be coming round the mountain when she cums.

Disney just launched a Mt. Everest attraction.

You wait in line, then die.

Rescue attempts are being made to save a bull stranded on Mt. Everest

Reports confirm that the steaks have never been higher.

My friend went missing after he set out to summit Mount Everest

After days of extensive search rescue workers found Himalayan dead in the snow.

I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, “Is it to scale?” I replied, “No."

“It’s to look at.”

A pessimistic hiker gets to the peak of Mt. Everest

He says to his friend, "It's all downhill from here"

After attempting to climb Everest and failing, John has severe frostbite, hypothermia and goes into a coma.

After a lengthy and dangerous mountaintop rescue he's rushed to the nearest hospital, where after several days he finally wakes and is greeted by the Nepalese doctor.

Sir, I have bad news and good news. John, ever the optimist asks for the good news first.

Okay, the good news is the ...

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What did Tenzing Norgay say to Sir Edmund Hillary when they reached the summit of Mt. Everest?

It’s all downhill from here.

I just recently finished building a model of Mt. Everest and a friend asked, "Is it to scale?"

"No," I said.
"It's to look at."

A man climbs Mount Everest.

He manages to reach the top, looks out at the amazing view, and promptly bursts into tears.

"Sir, what is wrong?" His guide asks.

The man struggles to get himself under control. "I- I just- I just realized..."

"My entire life will be all downhill from here."

What did Hailey Joel Osmont say when climbing mt everest?

Icy dead people

You may have heard a rumor that Everest's first camp was destroyed in an avalanche.

Don't believe it, though. The claim is baseless.

Me: I am thinking of climbing Mt Everest again.

My alter ego: Really? How many times have you climbed Mt Everest so far?
Me: Not once yet, but it is the seventh time I have had this thought.

Why do people get depressed when they reach the peak of Mount Everest?

Because it's all downhill from there

Joe: I just got back from climbing Mt. Everest.

Bob: Summit?

Joe: Nope. Climbed all of it!

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A nude artist dies while climbing Mt Everest

Nobody paid them, they had to do it for the exposure.

I hear the view from Mount Everest is breathtaking...

literally.

Did i ever tell you the story about how I climed mount everest?

I made it up

Remember that every dead body on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person

Stay lazy, my friends

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What do people that masturbate on mount Everest and terrorists on a plane have in common?

They are all hijacking.

I'm sorry and I will let myself out.

Mountain Climbing Joke

A politician, 3 doctors, and 3 engineers decided to climb Mt. Everest.
They arrive there and started the long way up the tallest climb on Earth.
It's a grueling climb and they have to stop many times to rest and pull each other up.
Half way into the climb, the rope starts to break. <...

What’s an Everest climber’s favorite song?

...let the bodies hit the floor.

I just learned that my college physics professor had a heart attack and died after climbing Mount Everest....

It’s so sad. He had so much potential

When Andrew Waugh was surveying Mt Everest in 1856 he came up with a height of exactly 29,000 ft. Fearing people would think that was just an imprecise estimation he reported it as 29,002 ft.

Because of this, some say he was the first to place two feet on the summit of Everest.

I've spent three sleepless nights trying to think of a mountain pun.

I'm starting to think I won't Everest.

An American biker decides to travel the world...

Once upon a time there lived an American biker named Rick. Now, Rick loved to ride his motorcycle, but was tired of driving up and down the same roads, day after day.

One morning, he woke up, and decided to travel the world. So he saved up some money, got on a plane, along with his trusty Ha...

I heard they just opened a BBQ restaurant near the top of Mt. Everest

Careful though, the steaks are high.

I just heard the owner of Dulux paint passed away on Mount Everest

Apparently he could've done with another coat

Contrary to popular belief, Mount Everest is not packed with climbers all year round...

It only gets busy at peak times.

Oh, you want to climb to the top of Mount Everest?

Did it PEAK your interest?

2019 Everest Climbing Season is like a M. Night Shyamalan Movie

They are all dead, they just don't know it yet.

Many people daydream about being on the top of Mount Everest,

It turns out they're already super high.

I took ribeye to the top of Everest...

The steaks could not be higher.

Father: "Son, you shall follow in my footsteps of escorting climbers up Mt Everest."

Son: "Sher pa."

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TIL On May 25th 2001, a blind man named Erik Weihenmayer climbed the top of Mount Everest...

When asked how he feels, he said "I'm gonna kill that fucking guide dog of mine!"

Mt. Everest has lost its record status ...

... now that a British astronaut is Earth's highest Peake.

What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of Mount Everest?

A HIGH-POT-IN-USE

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Climbing Mount Everest, Bob complains about being in pain...

...the guide takes him to the side, points to the front of the group and says "Look at Vince, he's got no legs and he's leading the group, you have legs and you're at the back, what's your excuse?" He looks the tour guide in the eyes and replies "my fucking legs hurt"

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What's the difference between standing on top of Mount Everest and getting a blowjob from a 90 year old grandma?

There is none.

In both cases you're enjoying but you must not look down.

An English, American and Mexican Guy Climb Up Everest...

They decide to sacrifice some things from their country as they are overflowing with these specific things. The English man grabs some tea and pours it off and says ' i have too much of this in my country' the Mexican man throws a taco off and says ' i have too much of this in my country' and finall...

Pieces of cooked meat have been found on mount Everest recently...

The steaks have never been higher.

My friend and I are just in the middle of climbing Mount Everest. We are so exhausted, when we get to the top...

Me and Himalayaing down for a bit

A blonde...

...works in a petrol station filling up cars. One day, a spaceship with 'UFO' written on the side lands next to the blonde. The blonde cheerfully fills it with fuel and the spaceship flied off.

The blonde's boss, shocked, comes out to ask why she filled it up.

"Do you know what 'UFO' s...

Rock climbers are doing hard work.

Don't they Everest?

A group of adventurers on Mount Everest have banded together to clean up the stuff left behind by past expeditions. It will likely take them at least 3 years.

More if there are any vegetarians. Less if they develop a taste for freezer burned meat.

You know that you’re at the highest point in your life...

...when you’re smoking weed on Mount Everest.

On my Bucket list:

1. Pail
2. Mop Bucket
3. Ice Bucket
4. Car Washing Bucket
5. Climb Mt. Everest
6. Livestock Bucket

In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken.

Since then, the steaks have never been higher.

You're not stupid if you haven't been to university

Einstein never went to university and he was the first man to climb mount Everest

An old Lithuanian joke (roughly translated)

Two men of which one had a really bad stutter decided to climb mount everest. They set up at the bottom, waved to everyone who came to wish them luck and started climbing... Around 8 hours of exhausting climbing later the one with the stutter goes "I-I-I f-f-f-f" the other one cuts him off and goes ...

Why are mountains always tired?

Because they don't Everest.

A man and his friend were talking about their New Year's Resolutions.

Friend: I heard you set some really tough resolutions, have you completed them?


Man: Well of course! I've swam across the Pacific Ocean in only speedos.


Friend: Neat.


Man: Scaled Mount Everest naked!


Friend, a bit skeptical: Really?


Man: Well, t...

What did the mountain climber name his horse?

Everest. Any time he is bored I see him Mount Everest.

I'M NO MOUNTAIN CLIMBER

I just finished this book on climbing Mt. Everest. Now I'm no mountain climber, but I smoke and I live on the third floor, so I can kind of relate. Everest is a lot like laundry day.

My friend climbed the fourth highest mountain in the world. The next week, he climbed the third highest mountain, and the week after that he climbed the second highest one.

Gosh, will this guy Everest?

A man goes into a pet shop and asks the owner for something amazing but also cheap

The owner says that he has a talking fox for only £20. The man says "How rediculous, foxes can't talk and even if they could why would you sell him so cheap?!". While he's asking this a fox comes over, puts his paw on the desk as if to interrupt and says "Actually I can talk. I've written 3 books an...

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There was a young climber named Ed...

There was a young climber named Ed

No mountain could fill him with dread

Then he met a big fatty

named Pumpkin-Ass Patty

And he said, "I'll do Everest instead".

Downhill Skiing

3 rock climbers (Bob, Tim, Jack) were attempting to climb Everest. In a freak accident, Bob and Tim lost all of their supplies. Unable to progress any further, they decide to make camp and share jack's supplies. The three of them slept side to side, with bob and Tim on either side of jack. In the mo...

4 things that can be seen from space

1. The Eiffel Tower
2. Mount Everest
3. Pyramids of Giza
4. President Volodymyr Zelenskyy's massive balls

Young mountain climber

My son made a model of mount Everest for his school project.
"Is it to scale?" I asked him.
"Don't be stupid Dad, it's just to look at!"

A man goes to a restaurant...

Where he seats himself at a table and browses the menu.

After settling on what he wants, he places the order with the waitress.

After his food arrives, he grabs his plate and leaves the restaurant, climbs into his car and drives to the airport.

There, he boards a plane to Nepal,...

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The Man who could only Drink Milk

I know an old man who had lived a life full of adventure, but his health started to catch up with him. He'd run the Boston Marathon, was an avid surfer, and climbed Everest, but he'd started to have abdominal pains around his 85th birthday and went to see a doctor. Sadly, he ultimately was diagnosed...

A particle physicist met a quark collector...

... and discovered the latter, named Richard, had managed to get his hands on two of the most elusive quarks - the notorious up-quark and the sought-after down-quark.

Now the physicist was a bit of a connoisseur himself, and had managed to get his hands on all the four other quarks and their ...

Two guys were talking about pets

"Yeah, so I have a couple of cats and a chihuahua. What about you, Flynn?"

Flynn looked at the man with a look of both pain and peace. "Well, Danny... I had a dog once."

Daniel sympathetically responded. "What happened?"

Flynn let out a quiet sigh. "It's a long story."

Da...

How to tell whether someone is an idiot

“Doctor, how can you tell whether someone is an idiot, even if he looks normal to you?”

“For that, we have special questions.”

“Can you name an example?”

“Mountaineer Brown climbed Mount Everest three times but he was killed during one of these ascents. Can you tell me which one...

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