Edith Jokes - 31 Hilarious Edith Jokes

John was unable to choose between two girls...

So he asked his friend Gary for help deciding which girl to be with.

John: I'm devoted to Kate but Edith is my dream girl, she's all I've ever wanted.

Gary: Then you should be with Edith.

John: But I love Kate and could never leave her...

Gary: Then you should stay with K...

A miller tells the king his daughter Edith can spin straw into gold.

So the king locks Edith in a room with straw and tells her she will die if she can not spin straw into gold. After awhile a small man appears to the crying miller’s daughter.

RUMPELSTILTSKIN: What saddens you young girl?

EDITH: My father’s big mouth has gotten me in quite the predicame...

My girlfriend just broke up with me for sleeping with her Grandmother

Turns out I can't have my Kate and Edith too.

I thought I was pretty lucky… I used to date two girls Kate & Edith at the same time.

Unfortunately, it didn’t work out. It turns out you can’t have your Kate and Edith, too.

I once dated two girls called Kate and Edith. Unfortunately Kate found out and told Edith and they both broke up with me!

Moral of the story is you can’t have your Kate and Edith too

A rich philanthropist decides to give some jewelry to a homeless woman on the street, named Edith.

Edith: thanks for the gold!

I have known my girlfriend, Edith, for three years now and today I finally bought her a gold ring for our anniversary.

Edith: wow thank you, that is my first gold!

"I'm in love with two girls. "

"Edith and Kate. I can't decide which one to marry."

"all I can say is that you can't have your Kate and Edith too."

Job

Two smart, attractive, well-educated young law graduates, Sally and Edith, were competing for a prestigious job.

As part of the job interview each was asked why she wanted the job.

Edith answered that she wanted to work for a firm with a reputation of being concerned with truth and j...

Jack loved cake...

Jack loved cake so much that every morning he would drive to the local bakery to get a piece.

Jack was married to Edith who did not like cake. She also didn't like how fat Jack was getting. Worried for his health, Edith eventually gave an ultimatum. Jack either had to give up the cake or she...

Jack: Seriously Edith, your excuses are lame. It's clear that you are only trying to make people think you are special.

Edit: That's stupid, Jack. I removed the H from my name coz it saves ink in my printer.

Temptation (Severe pun warning)

My best friend was getting married to his long time partner Edith.

Some of his friends took him to a bucks/stag night away. While at a bar he was approached by a beautiful woman who whispered in his ear.

He smiled and whispered back in her ear.

She frowned and walked away. ...

So I met this girl at a party. Kate.

She's really awesome and about as gorgeous as they come. Anyway, we went out a couple times and really hit it off and I eventually asked her to be my girlfriend about a month later... Then just a couple weeks ago this other girl, Edith, started working at the hospital in the same department as me an...

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So we're putting on a performance of "The Pirates of Penzance" and the guys who's playing Samuel comes up to me and says "Mr Director"...

...and I say "Yes?"

and he says "This final scene where the Major-General sings 'Resume your ranks and legislative duties, And take my daughters, all of whom are beauties'. Which daughter do I get?"

"Not Mabel, obviously. She's with Frederic," I say. "And usually the Major-General hims...

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I once loved two girls at the same time

I used to live between two girls. Kate, a smart and funny brunette and Edith, a sexy and mischeivous blonde. I hit it off well with both girls and so, thought I could date them both. I would spend Monday, Wednesday and Friday with Kate, and Tuesday, Thursday and Sautrday with Edith. I would alternat...

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Three women are at an exclusive health club in Miami. They are debating how much to tip the towel boy.

Edith says, “I’ll give him five bucks.” Esther says, “I’ll give him ten.” “What about you, Rose, what are you going to tip him?” asked Edith. “I’m going to give him sex,” she said.
“Huh? Are you crazy?” asked Esther.
“No. In fact, I was wondering about this yesterday. So I called my husband,...

A confused young man was in a difficult situation. He couldn't decide whether to marry Kathryn or Edith. Even though he tried as hard as he could, he was unable to make up his mind. Not willing to give up either, he strung them along for far too long.

This indecision continued until both young women got tired of the situation and left him for good.

Moral of the story: You can't have your Kate and Edith too.

Looking Good

Even at age 88, my mother was vain about her looks.

At a party, an old friend exclaimed, "Edith, you haven't changed in 20 years."

"Oh," said Mom, horrified. "I hope I didn't look like this 20 years ago."

An Old Scottish Couple

Once there was a couple in the far north of Scotland named Angus and Edith. They were married for nearly sixty years until Angus fell ill. Knowing he was not long for this world, Angus told his wife "Edith, when I die, I want nothing special. Just a funeral as simple as can be without any big thing ...

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Well isn't that nice.

Two old southern ladies, Ethel and Edith, are sitting in rocking chairs on a porch. Ethel says, "When I married my husband, he bought me this here rocking chair."

Edith says, "Well isn't that nice."

They rock in silence for a moment, then Ethel says, "And when I had my first child,...

I wonder if people find polyamory to be selfish.

I mean, you can have your Kate and Edith too.

Joe and his girlfriends

Joe lived in Chicago and for several years had two girl friends; one in New York City named Kate, and another in Oregon named Edith.

He made every effort to keep them from finding out about
each other, but one day his Facebook timeline betrayed him.

Both girls broke up with him, ...

Adultery is a sin....

You can’t have your Kate and Edith too.

Did you hear about the happy bigamist?

He had his Kate and Edith too.

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Conceive

Elderly couple go into a clinic
Doc we are thinking of having a kid

Doc thinks: well that's not going to happen
Doc goes to his desk pulls out a bottle and hands it to the man
Doc says, go home, put your sperm in this and bring it back
Guy goes home and comes back
Doc, I don'...

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An 80 year old couple is watching Jeopardy when a Viagra commercial comes on...

The husband says with a smile, "You know what, Edith? I'm gonna go to the doctors office tomorrow and get some of that Viagra."

Edith says, "Well you better make an appointment for me too."

Her husband replies, "Naw honey, I'm the only one who has to take the stuff."
Edith says, ...

Three old women are commiserating...

Myrtle, Edith and Bertha are sitting around commiserating about the pitfalls of old age. Myrtle says, "The other day, I was in the bathroom with one leg in the tub, and I couldn't remember if I was stepping in or stepping out!". Then Edith chimes in, "Well that's nothing! The other day I was at the ...

Why did the man convert to Mormonism?

Because he wanted to have his Kate, and Edith, too!

After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.

His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith’s multi million dollar home and since the man’s lawyers were a little better he prevailed.

He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases.

O...

Love at Last!

George, age 92 and Edith, age 89 are all excited about their decision to get married.They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. George suggests they go in and he addresses the man behind the counter.

"Are you the owner? "The pharmacist answers, "Yes". <...

Too fat for the girl next door

At least according to her Korean father.

I guess I can't have my cake and Edith Tu.

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