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Deez Jokes

A Newfie had caught two lobsters and was walking home along the coast ...

... when a cop drove by and saw him. The cop pulled over and stopped the man.

"Sir, are you aware it's not lobster season, and it's illegal to fish lobsters?"

"Me son," the Newfie said. "I didn't fish 'em. Deez lobsters are me pets."

"Sir, no one keeps lobsters as pets. I'll ha...

Why is C afraid of D?

Because DEEZ NUTS!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Russian women are foraging through a previously harvested potato field.

One is lucky to find two large spuds. She holds them up and says,

“Deez potatoes remind me of my husbands testicles”

The other replies,

“Oh my, are dey dat big?”

“NO, dey are dis dirty”

Do you like parodies?

Pair a deez nutz

What did Batman show the Joker when he dropped his batpants?

Deez batnutz.

GOTHAM!

Why did Donald Trump win 2016 election?

Because "Deez Nuts" isn't a valid candidate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Colonel Reichman, an interrogation specialist for the German army, was walking around in a quaint little Swiss village one day during WWII. He spots a little shop selling clocks and watches and decides to enter.

Inside, the owner, a lady standing behind the counter, immediately recognizes who he is and welcomes him into the shop, asking how she can be of assistance.

"Frauline,” he starts "Deez are all very nice little clocks and vatches you have in here, but ze von I am interested in is zat big grand...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you like tapes and CDs?

Cuz I'm gonna tape my dick to your forehead, so you can see deez nuts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Norwegian Virgin Wedding

Olaf Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota, took a lightning-quick kick from a cow...right in his crotch; writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.
As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said, "How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance...

Do you like Imagine Dragons?

Well imagine dragon deez nuts across your face!

Winter- Pros: Chestnuts roasting.

Cons: Deez nuts freezing.

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Gilbert Melendez

Gilbert Melendez who?

Gilbert may lend deez nuts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"12 Days Of Christmas - Bayou Style"

Day 1 Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de Pear tree. I fix it
las' night with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow
in the swamp, so I swap it for a Satsuma.


Day 2 Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but
all I got was two scrawny pigeon...

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