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British Accent Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you pronounce "fuck off" backwards.

you say it in a British accent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy gets to prison, meets his new cell mate, this jacked motherfucker, British sitting at the edge of the bed.

Cell mate: (British Accent) Listen mate it’s going to happen, so let’s get this over and done with, would you like to do it with spit or without?

Guy: (Scared) What do you mean?

Cell mate: Would you like to do it with spit or without?

Guy: Well fuck, if I have to I guess I will...

I made fun of British accents

They called it H Speech

Girls from England?

A guy walks into a bar and hears two women speaking in a British accent. He asks, "Are you ladies from England?" One says to him "No, it's Wales, you idiot!" So, then the guy says, "Okay, sorry. So, are you two whales from England?"

Say “beer can” in a British accent.

No, wait, that’s “Bacon” in Jamaican.

What’s a redneck with a British accent called?

An Australian

Irish man in Dublin

An Irish man, enjoying a pint of Guiness in a pub in Dublin when he approaches a couple of very fat girls with british accent:

- Hi ladies! Are you from England?
- No! Wales!
- Hi whales! Are you from England?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new German coast guard officer was appointed during WWII

(This is an oldie that was an ad once upon a time.)

So, as he starts his new shift after a few brief instructions from his superior, he sits down when suddenly, over the radio, in a British accent, he hears

'Mayday! Mayday!'

'Mayday!'

'We're sinking!'

The German o...

An American man goes to a hotel in London.

In the hotel, the American man asks the receptionist:


“Where is the elevator?”




The receptionist replies with a thick British accent:


“Oh, you mean the lift, sir?”




To which the American man replies proudly:


“No, I mean the elevat...

So Jack Osborne sees 2 heavy set women talking.

He can hear they have a thick British accent. He walks over and asks politely are you 2 ladies from England. 1 of the women snapped at him and said it's Wales you idiot. Jack snaps back and says oh I'm sorry are you 2 whales from England?

Don’t buy Ukrainian boxer shorts...

...Chernobyl fallout.





(*has to be read in a British accent*)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horny gorilla sees a lion ...

A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink.

The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. Quickly, the gorilla takes off, running like hell, with the very angry lion on his heels.

As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a ...

It turns out that I am really good at drawing..

Well,at least the doctor said so,as he spoke in a British accent about how I am artistic..

So this plane is flying over the atlantic.

So this plane is flying over the Atlantic Ocean. The captain comes over the loudspeaker and says, "One of our engines is malfunctioning but we should still make it to our destination just a little late.".

30 minutes and everyone hears a loud BOOM. The passengers get nervous and start looking ...

A government agent is sent to a village

A government agent is sent to a small English village where there are reports of multiple deaths from tainted pharmaceuticals.

The villagers are unaware of the cause, but are nonetheless worried and ask the agent who is responsible for these deaths around the village.

The agent tells t...

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