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Bf Jokes

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My BF came home

My BF came home the other day and interrupted me while I was masturbating.

Once again he came and I didn’t.

My asian bf didn't want to stick it in my B-hole

He changed his mind after after I called it my A-hole

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My dog bit my bf so I had to put him down. I am crying while going through his toys.

The motherfucker was on three dating sites. I saw it on his cellphone.

BF: what’s the difference between a bean and a nut?

Me: you could’ve *bean* anywhere, but there’s probably way fewer places where you’ve nutted
*ba-dum, tiss*

Her : I just broke up with my bf

Me : Awwwwwww let me know if you need a shoulder to put your legs on.

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Understanding BF

My girlfriend always complaints that she hates have meaningless sex.

So now when I hump her I read out all the synonyms of love making from Oxford dictionary.

What’s one thing you can say to your dog and your bf

cum

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Thats it,I can't take much anymore. I'm divorcing my wife. First it was some guy in a drunk party,then it was her ex-bf, her boss, my best friend, some Uber driver and even her stepbrother..

I just can't stop sucking cocks.

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Alright, screw it... here is my contribution to this sub. This is a joke from my HS days that, whomever I've shared it with, has had a healthy roar. Hope ya'll like it.

A man and his gf go into a bar. He walks over to grab a table and she heads straight for the bar. While she's waiting for their drinks, this absolutely hammered guy a few feet away leans over to her and goes: I just wanna tell you, you have an incredible rack on you.
She responds: Look pal, I'...

Big F to all those who can’t see their bf or gf

I can because she’s my sister

Bf took me to get undies and he wanted to embarass me and he said real loud

"I can't wait to rip these off with my teeth" then I replied with : "seriously you need to stop, you're my brother." And i won.

So my BF told me to stop impersonating a flamingo

I had to put my foot down

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a couple was walking in the woods when his bf pulled his girl in a secluded grassy area.

the bf then hurriedly stared taking off his pants.

then the girl ask, "do i start taking off my clothes too?"

the bf then replied.

"why? do you also need to take a shit?"

I need a funny punchline...

My bf is going on a trip and I thought it'd be fun to give him a joke and tell the punchline when he gets home. Only thing is we were on a time crunch and I just said the first thing that came to mind which was:

What do you call a sheep with 3 legs?

I have absolutely no idea so if anyo...

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A woman was having an affair.

One rainy day she was in bed with her BF when she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

Woman: 'OMG - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window'.

BF: It's raining out there!'

Woman: 'If my husband catches us, he'll kill us!.

BF jumps out of the window!...

Why did Medusa break up with her bf?

Because he couldn't get hard in bed...

My ex text me. She said, "Gonna see a film with my new bf. What should we watch? ;)"

"There's one that makes me think of you," I replied, "It's called 'The Great Escape'."

So my bf and I walk into a bar. We notice this guy kept hitting on the female bartender by telling her corny jokes as she fake chuckles.

One joke involved him asking her why no one trusted atoms. (Because they make up everything). My bf retaliates with his own joke... 'What do female bartenders like most about their male Patrons?.... Just the tip' 😎

Why don't foot fetishists like redheads?

Because they don't have soles.





^(My bf told me to put this here.)

Girlfriend talking to her boyfriend.

GF: I'm sick of you pretending you're a Detective.

I think we should split up.


BF: Good idea, we can cover more ground that way.

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A girl was crazy about 69 position...

But she haven't tried the position with her new boyfriend. So she invites him to a romantic dinner. After the dinner she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it. But her boyfriend was clueless about such acts. So she tell him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 posi...

A blonde calls her boyfriend and asks if he would come over and get her started on a jigsaw puzzle...

"What's it supposed to look like when it's done,"he asks

She replies,"according to the picture on the box,it's a rooster.

So the bf decides to go over and help.

He gets there and she takes him over to the table where all the pieces are spread out.

He looks at the pieces,t...

My girlfriend made me drive out more than 33 miles just so she could dump me on live tv.

Then her bf Chris Hansen humiliated me.

Girlfriend to boyfriend

GF - I'm sorry babe but i've cheated on you.

BF - I'm sorry aswell, I have also cheated on you.

GF - April fools day!

BF - Mine was on 24th March

A large car with chauffeur

A boyfriend is watching TV when his girlfriend walks into the room

Gf: "I want to go to the mall to go shopping, wanna bring me?"

Boyfriend sighs

Bf: "How would you like it if you went in a large car with a chauffeur?"

Gf: "That sounds great!"

Bf: "Well, the bu...

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A girl invites her boyfriend for a dinner with her parents...

so her boyfriend goes to a pharmacy and ask for condoms,

the pharmacist ask the bf "which box you want?",

the bf answers "the biggest..., today im going to meet my gf parents for the first time, we will have dinner, and after that i will invite her to my place and fuck all night"....

How not to forget your girlfriend’s birthday gift. Ever.

BF: Babe, look what I have got you! Spotify premium, now you can listen to our favourite love songs, anywhere, anytime, without ads!

GF: Yay! Is it for my birthday this year ?

BF: No, it’s for your birthday every year!

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The tale of man and his pursuit for sex.

Boyfriend: I love so much that I'll visit you even though the gas is so expensive.

Girlfriend: Oh dear, can't wait to see you... I'm already getting ready.

BF: I'll do anything for you, getting ready here too.

GF: Ok, but mind you that I'm on my period.

BF: Oh noes, I for...

GF: Why are you buying a puzzle when you don't have brain to play it?

BF: Do I complain when you purchase bras?

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Girl is asked by her teacher in class to use handsome in a sentence.

(She pauses to think)

Girl: Sometimes when I'm giving my bf a blowjob, my mouth gets tired... so then I use my *handsome*.

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Skunky beer is the best beer nsfw

Girlfriend goes to the jukebox at the bar and comes back pissed off. Boyfriend asks why. Gf:That guy over there said he wanted to fill my pussy with beer then drink it. Bf gets up and walks out. Gf chases and says defend my honor. Bf: I'm not fucking with anyone that can drink that much beer.

I’m doubting if the baby is mine

My bf had an affair with another girl a few months ago & yet today my doctor told me that I’m pregnant now. How the heck can I tell if the baby is really mine?

My boyfriend took me out to eat

BF: You're going to love the food here-- it's all homemade.

Me: How did they get into my house?


Yeah, he didnt laugh either.

What do you call a person who breaks into your home in winter?

A burrrrrgler

From my bf. Who hates puns.

Give him head

Hello Mom

*Hi Sweet heart*

My bf has dandruff.What can I do about it?

*Give him head & shoulders honey*

How do I give shoulder mom?

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Tried it in /funny, didnt work there so now Im trying it here :) Best joke I know

First off, sorry for the shitty english, not a native...
A guy have just been invited to his girlfriend for dinner and sleepover for the first time. Since theyve never done "it" he got really excited and thought that this would be the day he lost his virginity. So the day before the dinner he goe...

I saw a woman crying the other day.

I said "What's the matter?" She says "My bf called me a donkey." I said "Well that's not worth crying over." And she said "But heehawwways says it."

Anyone can tell me some good husband/wife jokes that end in "and then the fight started"

like the joke on here bout the wifes highschool reunion and the drunk ex bf, and the husband goes "my god how could anyone go so long celebrating!. And then the fight started"

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