A new guy starts work at a bakery.

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

I started a poetry club at the prison I work at. It's great for the inmates, but does mean I have to stay late with no extra pay

It's got prose and cons.

OMG guys, you won't believe this but James Bond just came into the bar I work at and ordered a drink

I'm literally shaking right now

I work at a sperm bank

Lots of men come everyday

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Since women with big breasts work at Hooters, where do women with one leg work at?

IHOP😜

I used to work at an orange juice factory, but I got canned

I just couldn't concentrate.

I used to work at a hydroelectric plant.

It was the best dam job I ever had.

The people that work at my bank are so nice!

Every time they call, they say my loans are outstanding!

I used to work at a deli…

But I quit slicing cold turkey.

Every evening, after they were finished with their work at the diamond mines, on their way home to their cottage, the seven dwarves would stop at a bar.

The bartender knew that the dwarves all liked hazelnut daiquiris, so every time the dwarves arrived at the bar, he would make sure that they all had hazelnut daiquiris.

One afternoon, when the bartender was making the daiquiris, he realized that he only had enough hazelnut extract to make six...

I used to work at the unemployment office.

I hated it because when they fired me, I had to show up at work anyway.

Raymond starts work at a zoo.

His first job is to clean out a tank of rare fish. However Raymond slips on a wet patch, smashes the fish tank and watches in horror as the fish flip-flop around on the floor. There are no other tanks nearby, so Raymond flings the dying fish into the lion enclosure, where a hungry lion soon snaps th...

Why did the nut work at the bank?

To cashew your cheque.

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I work at a waste water plant.

And let me tell you, I've seen some shit.

Pat and Mike work at the Guinness Brewery, and one day there's an accident. Pat calls Mike's wife, Mary, and says: "Sure, and I hate to be tellin ya this, but there's been an accident down at the Guinness."

"Saints Preserve us," says she, "is Mike alright?"

Pat responds, "I'd like to tell ya that, but it'd be a lie!"

"Ya don't mean that me Mike's been hurt?" says Mary.

"Sure, an it's worse than that," says Pat, "he's fallen inta the beer vat and drowned!"

"Oh, well" says Mar...

So I work at a hospital doing circumcisisions

It pays horribly, but at least I get to keep the tips.

I used to work at a cats home

I used to work at a cats home, but I had to leave. They reduced meowers..

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A young girl started work at the local pharmacy.

She was very nervous about the idea of having to sell condoms to the public. The owner was going on vacation for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own. She agreed but, before he left, she told him about her anxiety regarding the condoms.

"Look" he said....

Everyone in the office I work at is sick..

I guess there’s a staff infection

We were so poor when I was growing up, that my mother made us clothes out of the offcuts my dad would bring from home from work at the sandpaper factory.

It was rough.

I used to work at the zoo, where my job was to circumcise Elephants.

The pay was rubbish, but the tips were huge!

How many people work at your place of business?

About half of them

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So I took my son to see his Mom at work at the animal sanctuary and my wife brought out a lioness to meet us

Me: Son you see her she is one of the fiercest and most dangerous creatures on Earth.

Son: Really Dad are you scared of her daddy.

Me: Hell yeah, even the lioness doesn't wanna fuck with her you think I will

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I work at a crematorium, and recently received an unclaimed corpse that came with a note that read: inherited wealth—never worked a day in his life. So I cremated him, and put his ashes in an hour glass...

he's been working ever since.

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I used to work at a place that only hired people called Richard.

The owner was a real Dick.

I used to work at a steakhouse, one of my duties is to make sure that the G on the neon Angus sign outside doesn't go out.

They call me the G-spotter.

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Years ago I used to work at the circus and we had some wonderful acts I remember the fat tattooed lady..

Now they're fucking everywhere...

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What restaurant did the ex prostitute work at?

In-N-Out

If you work at a water bottle factory

It must be difficult to not drink on the job

I found my ex girlfriend’s dead body at the morgue I work at

She’s still giving me the cold shoulder.

An idiot starts to work at a bakery

One day a woman comes in and asks him how much the donuts are. The idiot says “I don’t know.” The lady became annoyed and leaves the bakery. Just then the manager storms in and says, “you have to tell them they’re fifty cents!”

Next day comes, and a gentleman enters the bakery. He asks “so ho...

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A convict was sent to work at a church, you won't believe what happened next...

A guy got sentenced to do some community service at the local church after robbing it. The first day, the priest decided to put him to work at the confessional booth and accompanied him through the first confessions to show him how it works.

First woman entered the booth and said: "Bless me F...

A man goes to work at a grocery store.

The man isn't too bright, so they give him a job a grocer. All is going well, until a boy runs up to him and asks how much the tomatoes cost.

The man, baffled, says, "I don't know." He realizes that he just lost a customer to his incompetence. He goes to his boss for help.

His boss g...

Mom- "you should apply to work at the white house"

Me- "why? I'm not qualified."

Mom- "that's the point nobody in the current administration is."

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Joke a customer told me when I used to work at a call center

A husband is eating dinner with his wife and he decides to ask her

"honey how come you never tell me when you have an orgasm"

the wife replies "oh I just don't want to bother you while you're at work"

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So I work at a horse farm and somehow one day at dinner we got on the topic of how big one of the mules dick is.

My father looks me dead in the eye and with a straight face says that’s why your mother calls me an ass all the time

If you work at a factory making kitchen work tops and you're very good at your job

Then ironically, you're being counter-productive.

A businessman turned to a colleague and asked, "So, how many people work at your office?" His friend shrugged and replied,

"Oh about half of them."

Why wasn't the food lion bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?

Because baggers cant be juicers.

I totally understand why people work at fragrance factories...

Makes scents...

A white guy, a black guy, and a Chinese guy go to work at a coal mine.

When they arrive the manager assigns each of them a task. The white guy, Frank, is in charge of digging. The black guy, Jamaal, is in charge of transportation. The Chinese guy, Wong, is in charge of supplies.

They get to work and everything is going smoothly. Frank is digging up the coal at...

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I used to work at a restaurant, but I wasn’t a good cook. I could make some good toast though.

It was my bread and butter.

Why do you want to work at this bakery?

I knead the dough

I work at a factory that makes plastic Dracula figures...

However, there's only two of us running the factory line, so I have to make every second count.

My girlfriend used to work at an American prison in Cuba.

She’s my Guantanamo Bae.

Why don't women work at the post office?

It's a mail dominated industry.

A librarian is at work at a public library and sees a chicken walk in...

The chicken walks up to the counter and says "book, book, book, book."

This continues until the librarian passes a book to the chicken who takes it and pushes it out the door.

A few minutes later the chicken comes right back on, pushes the book up to the counter and says "book, book, b...

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Joe the janitor reports for his first night of work at a funeral home.

One of his first tasks is to sweep and mop the embalming room floor while the embalmer is eating dinner. Joe is alone in the room, out of curiousness he looks under the sheet covering a corpse on the embalmers table. The body lays face down. With a giant cork protruding from the rectum. Joe taps on ...

Vera Lynn used to work at an Arctic research station. She wrote a protest song about the lack of variety in the staff canteen.

Whale meat again?

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I work at a factory that turns organic waste into fence parts.

All I do for eight hours a day is make shit posts.

I work at a bank and an old lady asks me to check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

I used to work at a convenience store

Until working there became and inconvenience

Every time I get a stack of resumes for a job at the place I work at, I throw half of then away

I can't have unlucky people working in my business

Yesterday two guys with facemasks enter the bank I work at.

Thankfully it was just a regular robbery.

I'm a teacher. If your child is doing school work at home in the coming weeks and you’re struggling then please feel free to ask...

... someone else as I want to watch every season of The Wire

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