UPJOKE

I Used To Work At Jokes

I used to work at a bank,

an old lady came in and asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over

I used to work at the circus

I was a human cannonball until they fired me.

I used to work at a chemical factory, but I had to quit

It was a toxic environment

I used to work at an unemployment office...

which sucked, because when they fired me, I still had to show up the next day.

I used to work at the circus

I was the guy that circumcised the elephants.

The pay wasn't great, but the tips were huge.

I used to work at a hydroelectric plant.

It was the best dam job I ever had.

I used to work at a deli…

But I quit slicing cold turkey.

I used to work at a coal mine

But I left because the bars didn't allow miners

I used to work at a fire hydrant factory.

Benefits were good, but the parking was terrible.

I used to work at an orange juice factory, but I got canned

I just couldn't concentrate.

I used to work at a parrot training facility but I had to quit.

I couldn't take all the talking behind my back.

I used to work at a cats home

I used to work at a cats home, but I had to leave. They reduced meowers..

I used to work at a convenience store

Until working there became and inconvenience

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to work at a place that only hired people called Richard.

The owner was a real Dick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joke a customer told me when I used to work at a call center

A husband is eating dinner with his wife and he decides to ask her

"honey how come you never tell me when you have an orgasm"

the wife replies "oh I just don't want to bother you while you're at work"

I used to work at a sperm bank...

but I got fired for drinking on the job.

I used to work at a start up mint

It was sort of confusing to me.
But now it makes all the cents in the world.

I used to work at a company that made tiny measuring devices.

It was a small scale operation

I used to work at Microsoft

I *Excel*led in my role. I worked in an *Office* where I was tasked with creating and presenting *Powerpoints* which highlighted Microsoft's true *Visio*n. I found it easy to *Express* myself and enjoyed helping spread the *Word* about the organisation. However, *One* should *Note* the animosity bet...

I used to work at a calendar factory.

But I got fired for taking a couple of days off.

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Years ago I used to work at the circus and we had some wonderful acts I remember the fat tattooed lady..

Now they're fucking everywhere...

I used to work at a place where they crushed down soda cans after they were used.

I had to quit though, because it was just

*soda pressing*

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I used to work at a restaurant, but I wasn’t a good cook. I could make some good toast though.

It was my bread and butter.

I used to work at a company that made fire hydrants

but i couldn't park anywhere near the place.

I used to work at a nursing home full of handicapped people

But I quit, because I could not stand them.

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I used to work at a bar that had 3 entrances

One night a really drunk guy comes stumbling in the first entrance. He comes up to me and tries to order a drink

I say “sir I’m sorry but you’re really drunk and I can’t serve you; I’m gonna need you to leave.”

He leaves then I see him come in the 2nd entrance.

I walk up to him ...

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I used to work at a sewage plant...

... I saw some serious shit.

I used to work at an orange juice factory but was fired because I couldn't concentrate.

So I tried my hand at being a lumberjack. I couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
Then i gave being a barber a go. But I didn't cut it.
I was then hired as a tailor and found I wasn't suited for the job.

I was visiting my hometown and I drove past the data recovery center I used to work at.

It really brought back a lot of memories.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone asked an Indian girl how she got married?

"I used to work at a pharmacy and my would-be husband came and asked for an XXXXXXL condom.

It was only after the arranged marriage I found out that he has a stutter."

Since its my cake day

I used to work at a very large balery known for making some of the most exquisite and famous cakes.

These cakes required a very intricate and delicate process to make them and involved a lot of processes and a secret recipe.

However in all my 20 years, the head baker never told me the ...

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